on the one hand
I’ve been feeling conflicted for a while now. When should I move? Should I move? Where should I move? I admit that moving occupies a huge part of my confliction, but not all. However, it’s the only thing I feel comfortable talking about (I even feel conflicted about what to post on my blog…sometimes I’d rather it was totally anonymous, although that would probably decrease the number of people who read it). I’m supposed to be making all these decisions based on what I want, but I don’t know what that is. I can hear what everyone else wants, but it’s coming in like a badly tuned radio. I don’t know what to do.
Right now I’m planning on moving back to Colorado the weekend after I graduate. I want to be excited about this. Why am I not? Well it’s not simple. I’ll miss people here. A part of me feels like going back to Colorado is giving up in a way. I told myself I was going to be excited about my life; it was going to be adventurous while I could make it that way. However, I’m not ready to move somewhere completely different. I know going somewhere new is exciting but I’m also afraid it’s running away. I know I can’t stay here, though. There are things I like about Des Moines, and even Iowa, but it is filled with ghosts. I’d be happier living somewhere lest haunted. Going back to Colorado means going back to where my life was most ordinary and I’m not sure I’m ready for ordinary. Certainly not as my single self.
I met a fun interesting guy at a party last weekend and I was happy that I could feel attracted to someone. I was also sad because I realized I was unwilling to really pursue it. Finding a connection is nice, and I suspect that in the past I might have just seen where things went, but I don’t see any point when I’m moving in a little over a month. I don’t like being practical. And I don’t like feeling conflicted!
You know, if you ever want to talk, you know how to get in touch. Of course, right now I have an ice pack tied to my face and I'm on a vicodin generic, but I'm a great listener and I can mumble mmhhmmms. Ok, so maybe don't call in the next day or two ;) But we'll have to go out together sometime soon.
~michael
Posted by
~Wamp |
9:48 PM
Take it from someone who left Nashville to find adventure and ended up returning two years later: It's not running away to go back to where you came from. Based on our conversations, I think the best thing for you is to move from Iowa. Where that is depends on you, but I think you should. It was the best decision I could've made, I'm a lot happier with myself now, and my life is definitely not the same as it was right before I went to Iowa. ;) And that's my two cents (or fifty bucks, depending on how much you're willing to give me). ;)
Love ya, hon!
Posted by
Alicia (Our Many Colored Moments) |
7:29 AM
Perhaps these are generic sentiments, but whatever, I don't care. Just because you are coming back to Colorado does not mean it will be the same. You aren't probably going to go back to Boulder, and you aren't going to live with mom and dad for too long. And do you know how different and adventerous Denver or any place in the mountains could be if you actually lived there rather than visited? And yeah, mom is VERY glad to have you moving back, she expressed this to me long ago. Plus I really miss having a sister aroud on a more regular basis. You will make friends everywhere you go, and at some point you will inevitably have to say goodbye to some of them. As sad as that is I know first hand how that feels, and it's just a part of life. Confliction is what makes life interesting because you have a variety of roads to chose from, blah fucking blah. I am not saying that you have to get excited to come back, but just know that I am very excited... Welp see ya later!
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:36 AM
I appreciate the kind words. I know my life is what I make it, and I intend on making it an adventure. I know the first step is leaving Iowa...
Posted by
Dana |
2:06 PM