waiting for magic...

I found out that I probably have a project for my creative component. When I found out, the first thing I wanted to do was call Rob. He’s my best friend and I feel like I can’t call him anymore. I know that I could, but that wouldn’t make any of this any easier. When did it all stop working? He seemed to think things weren’t working for us for a while. Why didn’t I? I though things were just a little rough, but they’d get better. You know, you hit a rough patch and then you work on it, and it gets better. I guess that’s not what it was. I feel shock. Anytime I let myself think about it, I just become this miserable mess. I don’t want to let it wash over me. I know that things weren’t quite right near the end. I’m sure I’ll eventually realize that it was all for the best. Right? I don’t know, I keep second guessing all of it. Last night, Rob seemed to have a clearer head about where we were going. I don’t think I was ready to hear it. Couldn’t we have waited? Worked on it? I’m sure I’ll realize it was all for the best. I don’t know what to do.

Posted by Dana at 2:32 PM | Permalink | Comments

Rob and I broke up.

Posted by Dana at 8:38 AM | Permalink | Comments

As far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted to go places, to leave life behind for a little and travel. I know I have a romanticized notion of traveling, but it doesn’t really matter. Traveling makes me so excited that the anticipation alone is always worth the journey. Putting me in a car ride or the plane flight somewhere new is like setting a kid in front of a present on Christmas; there it is, the perfect gift, just waiting to be opened. No matter how the trip goes, no matter what the present is, it will be a surprise. I like that kind of surprise. I can’t ever remember a bad vacation. They just aren’t bad. I mean, I can think of plenty of things that could go wrong, but even that is part of the fun (because no matter how bad your excursion is, just think of the story it will make when you come home).

And in a few months, I might actually be going to Europe. Me! Although I have thought of going to Europe many times, this is the first time in my whole life that I can remember actually halfway believing I’d go. The big problem has always been companionship. I needed someone to go with. Not only do I not want to get lost in Italy by myself, I want to have someone to talk about how stupid we were when we get back. Hey, remember the time we got lost in Italy? So the reason I look at the situation seriously this time? Because I got someone to almost agree to go with me (I’ll take what I can get). Who would that be? One Miss Stephanie Jennings. No pressure, saj, but I’m already giddy. I’m planning and plotting places to go, and if you change your mind, I just don’t know what I’ll do (maybe find a travel group to go with…anything! I must go!).

I’m newly addicted to the travel channel (which of course is really helping my with my travel obsession). Among other things, I recently watched a special on the Star Princess. The cruise ship that could. I don’t know how I feel about watching shows about things I want to do, places I want to see, cruise ships that could take over the world. It just makes me more anxious.

Back to Planet Iowa
So Rob moved this weekend. I’m glad I’m not going to be moving anywhere for a while. I’ve had my fill of packing and boxes. Expect some pictures to be posted soon. I think this weekend we’ll be painting his basement. It’s a nice place to hang out and watch movies because it is so dark, but it’s almost a little too dark. Rob referred to it as dungeon-y. I also think in the next few weekends we’ll be doing other various house things, like a trip IKEA (yay for Sweeden). I have to remember to be good and actually still do some homework on the weekends. I’ll have to find time to relax during the week because the weekends look to be busy busy.

By far my favorite part of Rob’s new house is the porch, which he tells me is exactly the reason Pam moved there in the first place (or at least one of the reasons). It's a screened in Wonderland. We arranged some of the furniture, and although it doesn’t look perfect, the couch angles to look out into the backyard. There’s something so safe and comforting about that porch. It is a good place to find Smaug, or Meowers (sometimes she gets tired of the basement), or Dana (who is hiding from the unpacking).

Posted by Dana at 10:12 AM | Permalink | Comments

One of my favorite songs I heard at an a cappella concert years ago. I ran right home and downloaded it (some east coast a cappella group: the Xtension Chords). There’s something calming about it; I can’t help but be reminded of it tonight. It’s three in the morning and I can’t sleep. Who knows why. I had a hard enough time getting to sleep in the first place. I’m blaming the iced tea I had with dinner. I know it isn’t a lot of caffeine, but to a caffeine sensitive gal such as myself, any caffeine that late in the day is not a good idea. I woke up in a panic, worried about one of my classes that I teach. Lying in bed wasn’t solving the problem, so I moseyed to the computer and started searching online; I think I’ve now resolved the issue, but the damage has been done. The adrenaline the anxiety caused has already been put into my bloodstream. Now I just have to hope that my body wants to make good use of the next two hours before I get up to start the day’s vigorous round of homework (I know I make it sound like chemotherapy, but I’ve been working nonstop all week in order to help with moving and packing stuff). If this post sounds random, that's because it is coming from a sleep starved 4 a.m. Dana.

I’m so excited for Halloween. It’s my happy thought. If Tinkerbelle taught me nothing else, it’s that we need happy thoughts (and fairy dust I suppose). Otherwise, there would be no flying.

Yesterday was a good day. I got a lot of homework done. Watched Grey’s Anatomy. Ate ice cream twice (my idea of “social splendor”). Went to yoga and played racquetball.

One of my favorite movies is Sliding Doors. It’s witty, funny, cute, Britishy, and makes more than one reference to Monty Python. All good things. And it has lines like this:
"Having two milkshakes in one sitting is my idea of social splendor. It's one of the perks of being shallow." --James Hamilton (played by John Hannah)

Insomniac Lyrics
I can see you
Don't even know you
Fallin' into the sheets at night
Place my hands flat on my chest
I feel the heartbeat back the night
I've tried counting the sheep
And I talk to the shepard
And played with my pillow forever, ever
I sit alone and I watch the clock
I breathe in on the tick
And out on the tock

Chorus:
I can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
I don't have to have these dreams no more
And I found someone just to hold me tight
Hold the insomniac all night

I dig my head down deep
So I can't hear the cars
Outside on the street
And the stars are laughin'
They get a kick out of my misery
I've tried everything short of Aristotle
Took Dramamine and whiskey bottle
Pray for the day when my ship comes in
And I can sleep the sleep of the just again

Posted by Dana at 2:56 AM | Permalink | Comments