waiting for magic...

(the first half of this post was written Friday afternoon)

Things have been a little slow in my social life and I really only (mostly) have myself to blame. I just haven’t wanted to go out, haven’t been too excited. Part of it is that I miss having really awesome girls to hang out with (again, my own fault for leaving Iowa and also for not making more trips down to Colorado Springs). I do have some old work friends from LNT, but most of them don’t live nearby anymore. Woe is me. Sob. Sob.

Okay, enough of my pity party. I’m planning on turning things around a little when I move to Denver (a little over a week away, meaning this weekend=packing). Mostly I’ve just felt a little bored with myself but no desire to break out of my “lay-low” pattern. I’ve been hanging out with Sister Sarah on the weekends (and other assorted family members) and my Netflix subscriptions during the week (yes, I did notice that that’s a pattern I fall into when I’m depressed). But really, I’m not depressed (not too much); I’m just a little overwhelmed.

As I become more familiar with my job, I discover that I still like it (whoo-hoo!). However, it takes a lot out me and at the end of the work day I’m not really too thrilled with the idea of doing much. Part of it is getting used to getting up “early” again (no mid day nap) and part of it is just that work is a little stressful (because I’m still learning a lot), which means it’s exhausting (read: why I haven’t posted in a while).

There are perks, though. This company really likes a happy employee. They give out clothes for free (right now I’m cutting a stunning figure in a blue button-up with the company logo embroidered on the front) and even better…they have a fully stocked kitchen. You may wonder what exactly this entails…pretty much what it sounds like. There are two microwaves, two refrigerators and whatever food you can imagine (seriously, whatever you want. The secretary orders food every week and she has a list you can add items to; then the place is restocked every Monday, which means you’d better get there early on Monday to get all the good stuff). I’m starting to see a lot of benefits to this. I don’t eat breakfast at home most days and I’m saving a ton of money (or will be) with the lack of food I have to shop for at the store every week.

And, we get to leave the office occasionally. I’ve been run marketing errands with the marketing assistant (also my office mate) and I’ve also been out to visit a few job sites. Today the marketing assistant and I are going up to Breckenridge to take some photos of a couple new schools, including one grand opening. A half day at the office doesn’t sound too shabby and we’re going out for drinks (with possibly some other A&P people) afterward.

These are a Few of My Favorite Things
FOOD: I discovered a new cheese (well technically I’m stealing this credit from my mom, but meh): black diamond cheddar; it’s very sharp, very artery clogging, very much from Scotland (or somewhere far far away), and very much yummy. Only to be known to be found at Whole Foods.

MUSIC: I just started getting music from iTunes again (well, I was poor and the slow Internet connection plays havoc with my patience). I’ve been DLing a lot of KBCO tracks, but if anyone has any good suggestions, let me know. I like Feist right now (thanks to…um…Magner? Pretty sure…) and Amy Winehouse (thanks to Ruthann and Shaw).

HAIR: I’m still a blond but I’m thinking of going red again or ever brunette. The onset of fall makes me long for those darker colors, and with my hair’s stubbornness, more than likely it will fad in a month or so anyway.

MOVIES: I saw Stardust and loved it. It’s escapism, which is what I look for in a movie. Removed from reality? Sign me up!


The above post was written yesterday…so here’s a quick update. I went to Frisco/Breckenridge and took some (sort of) awesome photos. At the middle school (where there was a grand opening) I admitted to my boss that we may not have gotten the right shots of the high school (after he explained to me which part of the building was added on by A&P…and also, what was I thinking?), met the um…very attractive…project executive (yes, sadly that is the end of that story), and got a tour of some of the new construction.

Wired on Starbucks, the Marketing Assistant (who will now be referred to as Dee) and I drove home. I tried hard not to speed and passed the same van hauling a makeshift trailer three times (once because I tend to pass people on the interstate, twice because we stopped for gum and ladeda there we go passing it again, and thrice because I got off at the wrong exit (which I never ever do) and had to take a little detour to get back again).

We went and had a couple drinks at BJ’s with one of the estimators, Anthony, and then sat around debating where to go next. I was supposed to call Shaw when our plans solidified and then…my phone died. And then…it was decided that we should go somewhere I have managed to avoid my whole life…The Grizzley Rose. A country bar. What do I have against country? I like some country. I don’t like feeling like I’ve been sucked into a twilight zone and am back with people I could have gone to high school with (I try to forget high school). It was fun though. I had a Bloody Mary (my new favorite drink, thanks to Sarah) and could have had a better time if I’d had more to drink (but I was battling that balance between having more to drink and being really tired, or not drinking, making the evening less adventurous and still being really tired). I called it quits at only 11 (feeling a bit lame) and went home.

I woke up at 6 this morning (I’m guessing that is just what’s going to happen anymore) and am planning on shopping today and maybe having dinner with Shaw.

End of (boring) update (and if you’re waiting, and have been waiting for a while now, many posts even, for me to address my issues with parentheticals, well ha! I’m sure somewhere out there Helen Ewald is holding the same hope, but they are just one of my (endearing) personality querks. Read: I am a person of asides and staying linear is just now what my mind was built for.).

Posted by Dana at 7:13 AM | Permalink | Comments

Apparently it’s monsoon season in Colorado. In the same breath that this statement was relayed to me, I was also privy to the following nugget: how preposterous. Those of you not familiar with Colorado may not understand the ridiculousness of a monsoon season here, but I assure you that there is indeed something a bit off about the term. It isn’t like Arizona where it’s all hot and dry and then for a few weeks in the summer it rains and rains…and rains. It isn’t like Iowa where there are exotic late night thunderstorms at night and stifling humidity during the day. Monsoon season in Colorado…well, it’s what you imagine a nice summer could be like.

July was hot. H.O.T. Roasty toasty. Maybe not Arizona hot (in the hundreds every day…although pretty darn close) or Iowa hot (in the upper eighties and nineties with that darn humidity), but we Coloradoans are weenies. How many days of sunshine can a person endure (it’s really us who should be called the sunshine state)? So for the past week it has been in the 60’s in the morning. The sun comes out during the day, burns off all the clouds, and then they come rolling in from the southwest (mountains) and sprinkle the earth, mostly just enough to keep the top soil under control (otherwise it’s very rowdy).

Why am I rambling about monsoon season, you ask? You mean to say you want to hear about my first few days at work? Whether or not I got the apartment? Silly readers. That would just be me being sensible…which I am not.

Last week was a bit stressful as I sought advice about living in the city. I had to have a background check done to find out whether or not I could get the apartment I wanted. Boy was I thrilled when I found out that I not only have $20,000 in student loans, but also a significant amount in credit card debt (which I had no knowledge of). I have 9 credit cards (yes, too many, I know), but none of them have an unpaid balance. The ones that I do use get paid off every month. I was livid. How could the credit check people have screwed up so royally? I don’t know, but I double-checked with them and it was most certainly a misunderstanding. Shakes fist angrily.

However, my new potential landlord was more than willing to let me sign the lease, “bad credit” and all, as long as I paid the security deposit and last month’s rent up front. This was going to require borrowing a bit from my parents, but I had no desire to keep apartment hunting. I’d found a place I loved and that was that. So on Saturday I signed the lease. I signed it and as I was leaving my landlord’s house, it started to rain. It was raining so hard by the time I got home that I had to leave my lease in the car.

On Sunday night I couldn’t sleep. I started work the next day. I was nervous. It was raining outside. Loud thunder. Bright lightning. I slept maybe 4 hours (maybe). That’s a bit devastating to an 8.5 hour gal like me. But I survived. And I survived my first day. A lot of running around and meeting people. A drug test. Trying to remember things I am sure to forget. A couple of meetings. A business expensed lunch. I’m exhausted from the sheer newness of it all. Today was more of the same, figuring out how to use my email, intranet, phone (I’m afraid of it), and more. But then this afternoon I got to actually do some real work. My boss had received a request for proposal (RFP) and went over it with me and what we would be doing. He then gave me the rest of the day (2.5 hours) to play around with designing a template for the proposal! It was great working with InDesign again and although I didn’t create a work of art, I don’t totally hate it. It was just nice to be doing some actual work. Some of the orientation stuff is sort of boring (but understandably necessary) and has me clock watching.

I left work today feeling tired (I’m behind on sleep and not used to getting up early) but somewhat satisfied. I’ve been feeling really lethargic in the afternoons (almost like being hungover, although that can’t be it since I haven’t had drinks). I think my body misses working out. Hang on body, soon I’ll be able to afford a gym membership. It rained as I was coming home, sucking the heat out of the air (it was 81 when I left work and 64 when I got home). Now I’m sitting on plumy, typing away, as the sky clears up and a cool rain smelling breeze wafts through the window. I feel content. Almost.

Posted by Dana at 7:18 PM | Permalink | Comments

No matter how happy I wake up in the morning, it seems my mom is determined to depress me. Oh, that is not her intention, but she is doing it none the less. I’ve been apartment searching the past few days and I have decided to narrow my apartments down into two categories: 1) Generic apartments with great amenities (like dish washer, a/c, and a washer and dryer) that are close to work and 2) Unique apartments, such as part of a Victorian House, without any of the aforementioned amenities that are close to downtown Denver but about a 30 minute drive (in good traffic, more like 50 in bad traffic) from work. It would be nice if category number 2 was closer to work, but if that were the case, I still would be pretty far away from downtown and I’ve wanted to live in the city for so long.

So, what’s the problem currently? I’ve decided that I really like an apartment in Denver, in a neighborhood called Five Points. Now Five Points has a somewhat sketchy reputation, but so do a lot of areas in Denver. The block I’d be living on has a lot of neat houses (none of them have bars on the windows, I would just like to point out) and some of the blocks in either direction are a bit, um, less desirable; my mom doesn’t think it’s a very safe place. I understand where she’s coming from, I really do. And I see her point. However, I don’t think it’s as bad as she makes it out (certainly no place in Denver is perfectly safe anyway).

This morning she walked into my room and said, “Wouldn’t you rather live closer to work? What about finding an apartment in an old house, maybe not a Victorian, but one that’s closer to work.” I thought about this for a second. It seemed like an okay point. But then I realized what was wrong with it. I wouldn’t be living in downtown Denver. Maybe this seems like a bit stubborn on my part, but I’m tired of living in areas that feel like suburbs. I want to live in the city, with all it’s complications. I feel like she doesn’t trust my judgment, or that maybe she thinks I’m not in touch with reality in this situation. But I’ve thought about what I want. I’ve had to prioritize because I’m not going to get everything in one package.

I’ve been a commuter for the past 4 years of my life (having either a job or school that I have to go to 2-5 days a week that is anywhere from 25-40 minutes away), so although it’s a bit of a hassle to be living that far away from work, it also has perks (I’d be slightly closer to the Springs and Kerry and Carrie than if I lived in Aurora, I’d be closer to Centennial and Colin (Kerry’s boyfriend and a good friend) and my grandparents, I’d be closer to Golden and Ant, and I’d be closer to Boulder and Shaw and Lynon).

I don’t think my mom has ever really disagreed with most of the decisions I’ve made in my life, or at least she’s let them be my own choices. But this choice…she doesn’t like it at all. And it seems she trying to exercise every bit of her rhetorical ability to make sure that I don’t sign the lease for this apartment. But everyday that she changes her argument, I just feel my elation get chipped away. Sometimes she weakens my resolve (some of her arguments are good, and I know she means well), but then I remember why I want this place (close to downtown, nice house, beautiful yard, charming and cute (and small) on the inside). So, if I’m going to have the two qualities that matter most to me, close to downtown and a unique apartment, she suggested I look at a couple other apartments that are similar. Well, the two I looked at (I had to stick with ones within a certain financial range) were in slightly nicer areas, but they were really close to Colfax (a very busy street and not the safest) and looked a bit more careworn than my first choice (I didn’t see inside them, and maybe this is just me being stubborn again, but I loved the inside of my first choice so much that I find it hard to imagine liking somewhere else more…liking it just as well, yes, that’s possible. However, when I’m not excited about the outside, why bother?).

So am I being too stubborn? Too hasty in my decision? I don’t know. The owners want me to sign a lease this weekend (assuming my background check goes well) and move in on September 1. My mom wants me to work for a little before deciding where to live. I again see her point (after all, I’ll probably be spending some time with my co-workers, maybe I should get their input). However, I don’t want to let this apartment go and regret not taking it. But what if I hate living there and I’m stuck there for a year? These are the kinds of things that have put me into my current state of depression. I could end up hating anywhere I live. A part of me knows she’s right and a part of me just wants her to lay off already and let me make the decision for myself.

Posted by Dana at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments