waiting for magic...

Hair today...hot tamale!

2008-03-11T13:51:00.003-06:00

Alright, alright, I know you were waiting with baited breath to find out what my happy news was. It has been a long time since I’ve done anything significant to my hair. I trimmed it a smidge before I started my job (all the way back in August), but since then, nada. The last drastic move I made was a few years ago when I dyed my hair red. I loved my red hair and I got a lot of positive comments on it. However, the red didn’t last very long (I was a redhead for a week, a strawberry blonde the next). I’d been thinking recently about doing something drastic with my hair (I was thinking very short…Miranda’s cut during season 6 of Sex and the City was my big inspiration) but I liked my long hair and I just never found the motivation.

After things ended with Eric, I was initially a little down about it, but then I realized how awesome I actually am (this is not a post of modesty, so those of you looking for it, let me show you the door). I also realized that the ends of my hair were incredibly dry. Don’t ask me why I had both of these revelations almost simultaneously. There is no reason or logic behind my nuttery. All last Tuesday night (or so it seemed), I dreamed about my hair. About doing something different with it. When I woke up in the morning I was a woman determined. A fresh start with my hair was just what I needed…something that I was doing just for me, for my own happiness and no one else’s.

Natalie has been heavily suggesting that I try her salon, and fortunately it’s in the Downtown Denver area (I already had a stylist I liked, but she lived far away and I’m all about spending as much time in my city as possible), about 5 minutes from my apartment. I called them up on Wednesday and they were able to fit me in for a cut and color later that evening! I tossed around a few ideas (about the only thing I was sure on was the length…cut the damaged stuff off, lots of layers, swoopy bangs, not too short), and I finally narrowed my hair color choices to either chocolate brown or blonde highlights (as good as I look as a redhead, I was hoping for something a little more permanent, and a little more…mine. Red just doesn’t feel like it belongs to me…hopefully that feeling will go away someday).

I arrived at the salon and realized that the highlights were the pansy approach and decided to go guns blazing…brunette. My stylist thought I would look good with some lighter brown highlights (I agreed). When she showed me the chocolate browns, I felt a little concerned because none of them looked rich enough…I guess I wanted something a little auburn. We decided to mix a slightly redder color in with the brown.

Voila! 2.5 hours later and I’m a saucy brunette/redhead who didn’t realize how Brook Shields her eyebrows had become (she had to dye them too so I didn’t look like a freak). Fortunately a little tweezing solve that problem. Check out my online album for more pictures.

Baltimore Whirlwind

2008-03-07T14:08:00.001-07:00

I've been in Baltimore for about 17 hours now and I'm so exhausted that it feels like I'm being tortured. You know the kind of exhaustion I'm talking about.

I didn't even find out about this trip until a week ago. My boss hunted me down in the lunch room (well me and the other marketing coordinator) and asked if one of us would like to go to Baltimore to attend a proposal seminar. Still being new to the profession (not to mention an education junkie), I jumped at the chance, especially when the other MC didn't seem to care either way. I thought about staying for more than a day, but was worried that I would end up exhausted and my weekend entirely spent.

The seminar was scheduled to be an 8-4 thing on Friday, so I scheduled a flight for Thursday afternoon. Although I wanted to fly out more in the evening (to get more work done during the day), I couldn't get a reasonably priced direct flight. My 2:20 flight still didn't land in Baltimore until 9:30. Leaving any later would have put me in way too late.

My Thursday started out pretty much the way any of my days have been starting out. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. (by far the earliest time my insomnia has assaulted me) and couldn't fall back asleep (helped partially by Gatsby, but I really can't give him too much credit. I've just got problems). I finally resigned myself to getting up at 4. I managed to work out and get a little cleaning done, not to mention getting ready (I did my hair and everything!), and still ended up at work an hour early. I had some good news to share at work (see my next blog post) so I was in a great mood, despite my very tirededness.

I left work at about 11 to go have lunch with my mom. She shuttled me to the airport. Yay! I wanted to be excited. Travel usually has that effect on me, but all I managed was a nap on both my flights, which were thankfully both on time (I love that that's such an oddity anymore that it shocks me). I got into Baltimore and realized a serious problem.

I love and hate google maps. I love its convenience, but I hate that I have grown to depend on it so that there are times I don't question its wisdom, despite the fact that I should. It told me a week ago that the Baltimore airport was just a hop skip and a jump away from my hotel and seminar. However, when I got to Baltimore, it was a slightly different story. A very nice man lent me his Maryland map and we poured over it looking for my necessary locations. Turns out my google "directions" were worthless and there was no way I was going to drive a rental car the 20 or so minutes through a foreign highway system and downtown...at night.

I took a cab. A $32 cab rid none the less. My cabbie couldn't find my hotel at first and when we finally pulled up to it I was pleasantly surprised. It was a lot nicer than I had been expecting. I got inside, waited for the desk lady to get off the phone, only to find out...I was at the wrong hotel. Right hotel line, wrong hotel. Fortunately, MY hotel was only a block away and the bellhop was kind enough to walk me to it. This was more my style (or at least price range). It was an old building that had gone slightly to seed, but it seemed like it had a few botched cosmetic surgeries over the years (the renovations inside my room didn't exactly mesh).

I was starving (at this point, it was 10:30 Baltimore time) and fortunately you could still order food in the hotel bar. I ordered a giant burger medium rare and for the first time in my life actually received a restaurant burger...medium rare. MR is how I take my steaks, but when I order burgers that way in a restaurant, they usually bring something with just a bit of pink in the middle (which I prefer, because this is ground random beef were talking about here). I had to send it back, and the chef came out to see what was the problem. He was pretty friendly when I explained that he was the first chef to cook my burger to MR specs (most restaurants don't do it because of the health issues, but I didn't point that out). After eating about half of my recooked burger, I admitted defeat (it was huge) and headed up to bed. Due to the combination of my naps earlier and the time change (it was only 9:00 in the CO), I didn't manage to fall asleep for quite a while.

The alarm going off at 6:00 a.m. was an unwelcome shock, but I rebelled by refusing to take a shower. Even though I wasn't due to be at the Engineer's club (the mansion hosting the seminar) until 8:00 and I was only a mile away, I left the hotel around 7:00 (on foot this time...to heck with taking a cab just around the city). I was feeling pretty smug, thinking I would stop by Kinkos to check-in for my flight and print off my boarding pass. Wrong! Of course Friday is the only work day that Kinkos doesn't open until 8. Boo. However, I did manage walk around historical downtown Baltimore for an hour, which despite my misgivings (Baltimore doesn't have the best crime record), was an awesome adventure. Lots of historical buildings, and the grey sky couldn't dampen my spirits. Also highly recommended: doing it all in heels. Despite my best efforts, my heel got caught in several grates and had to be freed.

The mansion itself was gorgeous. I have no pictures because I've been a horrible picture taker as of late (I know, it doesn't sound like me, but I just haven't had the inclination). Dark wood banisters, marble floors, conservatory, vaulted ceilings. Pretty much your run of the mill mansion (I'm an expert). The room the seminar was in was paneled in dark wood and dimly lit (imitation candlelight). Great for PowerPoint presentations. Bad for keeping Dana awake. I was so sleepy, but I didn't nod off once. The material was mildly interesting (some was interesting, some I already knew). The highlight was by far the plate of cookies that accompanied the lunch spread and I enjoyed a few sugar rushes.

I called a cab from the mansion and after a very frustrating conversation - the cabbie and I had a) completely different accents and b) cell phone reception issues - I managed to get a cab to pick me up after only 30 minutes. A $40 cab ride later (don't ask why it was more expensive than the first round) in the pouring rain found me safely to the airport. I breezed through security, feeling confident until I found out that my flight was delayed (mechanical difficulties). It seems every time I fly into O'Hare Airport, I have to do a mad dash through it's phalanges (and a dash it will be in that hell). Here's hoping my flight isn't delayed anymore and that I do make the connecting flight...

Update
OMG, happy news! I'm sitting in the boarding area when I'm called to the podium. This doesn't usually seem to bode good news, but when I get up there, she asks, since my flight is delayed, how would I feel about a direct flight back to Denver?! I practically leaped over the counter to hug her. Well, okay, maybe I just exclaimed loudly and promised her she made my day. This flight was apparently delayed as well. Although that means I'm stuck in this airport until 8:45, I get into Denver around 10:30. My dad will be thrilled and I don't have to do a marathon sprint through O'Hare (although I had already changed into my tennis shoes just in case).

Silver Lining

2008-03-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it was fun while it lasted (mostly) but Eric and I are no longer seeing each other (he ended it). I'm bummed about it, but I think it's probably for the best. I was starting to feel insignificant to him, and that isn't really the direction I want to go when I'm seeing someone I like. I don't really have any more to say about this. I like putting happy things in my blog.

And the grass it was a ticking
And the sun was on the rise
I never felt so wicked
As when I willed our love to die

And I was your silver lining
As the story goes
I was your silver lining
But now I’m gold

Drag Queens, Breweries, and Movie Marathons

2008-02-18T11:11:00.001-07:00

It seems as though the weekend is the thing to write about these days (well at least in my happy little world). I can’t really blog about work and the weekends are so awesome that I like spending time recounting them.

My Friday night started off at a bar for Boot Camp Happy Hour. Yes, sadly (or not sadly, I haven’t decided yet), boot camp is over. However an awesome highlight: we did testing during the first and last weeks of camp and guess who was most improved? That’s, right, yours truly! I celebrated my awesomeness with a few beers before meeting up with Eric. We walked over to the Denver Center for Performing Arts (a little village of buildings home to anything from ballet to opera to theater performances) for a showing of the play Our House. Although interesting, I found the message a little heavy-handed and the comedic parts too few and far between. After the theater, we grabbed some dinner at a funky little diner with tasty breakfast burritos (still walking) and awesome French toast (which I didn’t order, but had no problem mooching). The evening finished off with a walk back to the car. At this point my feet were dying in their heels so I took them off (I pretty much had to jog to keep my feet from resting on the pavement for too long).

On Saturday morning Eric and I headed to breakfast at the Bump and Grind Café for their Petticoat Bruncheon (the waiters dress in drag) before hopping on the freeway up to Fort Collins to visit…New Belgium Brewery. For those of you who don’t know New Belgium is a local Colorado brewery (perhaps its most famous) with delicious beer (I love the Fat Tire and the Mothership Wit, an all organic beer). Although we arrived too late for tour tickets, we did get to wander around and enjoy 4 free tasters. I left with a nice buzz (glad Dana the lightweight wasn’t driving) and some presents for myself (a shirt and some beer (duh!)).

I’m happy to report that using “city” as an adjective has finally caught on (as in my lovely phrase, “That’s so city!”). Sarah and I were driving around Denver on Sunday, looking for a place to park (we were going to go see a movie), when suddenly she exclaims, “I just had a city moment…with the tall buildings and the snow swirling and the cab right in front of us. So city!” It may have been so city, but I’m ready for winter to be over. We’ve had quite a few nicely tantalizing days, ones that beckon torturously, promising spring’s around the corner, before tossing me back into grey skies and snow flurries…I’m so spoiled.

After our movie, the sisters headed to the parents’ for more movie watching (I love lazy Sundays), chili relleno eating, and peach cobbler gobbling. I headed home around 9:00 and my weekend finished off with a visit from Eric and…more movie watching :)

Spider-Pig

2008-02-14T08:44:00.000-07:00

Ah, winter in Colorado. I can’t do enough to sing its praises. Those of you who’ve been with me for a while know that I wasn’t too keen on the Iowa winters. Cold, windy, and NO reprieve. Yesterday on my drive home from work Sydney (my car) informed me that it was 66 degrees outside. And it felt like it. I had my window rolled down, the sun was setting, absolutely gorgeous. Eric made me salmon for dinner and the windows in his house were wide open. We played some Wii sports (so addicting), walked to the convenience store for movie snacks, and fell asleep watching the Simpson’s Movie (in my defense, he fell asleep before I did).

This morning at 5 a.m. I walked out to my car to go to boot camp and found 2 inches of snow on it. I’ve cleaned off my car 3 times this morning. 1) going to boot camp 2) going home to shower after boot camp 3) going to work. The slopes are going to be crowded and powdery this weekend!

Weekend Salvaged

2008-02-11T15:01:00.001-07:00

Well dear readers, my weekend didn’t turn out nearly as bad/boring as my Friday post might have led you to believe. Eric came back into town at around 9 or 10 and we went out for late dinner at Jerusalem, a great Mediterranean restaurant in Denver. Eric has been living in Denver for pretty much his whole life so he knows a lot of tasty and interesting food places, which is good because with someone as indecisive as me, I need someone who can throw out suggestions like that.

On Saturday Shaw picked me up (because I was still sans car) and we grabbed brunch (mmm, breakfast burritos) and went shoe/glove shopping. He was looking for running shoes; I was looking for better ski gloves (ones with huge cuffs so my dainty little wrists don’t get cold). I finally got a call from the car place (actually, I harassed them a couple of times) and found out that I not only needed a new tire, but I also needed my alignment redone (and I’d just did that in January!). Oh well…that’ll teach me to attack a curb. Shaw was kind enough to drop me off at the car place and when I got home I parked a foot and half away from the curb (not kidding).

Eric came back from an exhausting day of skiing on Saturday night, so we stayed in and watched a movie. Although we’d talked about hitting the slopes on Sunday, he didn’t feel like making the drive again and I was fully amenable to sleeping in. After some breakfast at Handlebar (a bar 4 blocks from his house with yummy mimosas…hey, it was 5:00 somewhere), we did a little shopping (I finally got my settings corrected on iTunes on my new computer thanks to the geniuses at the Apple store), and finished off the afternoon with some Frisbee and catch in the park (turns out I don’t throw THAT bad and I blame the wind for a lot of things).

Since Sundays are often my days to hang out with Sar, I rushed home so we’d actually have time to do something. We ended up shopping at Whole Foods, making chili and cinnamon rolls back at my place (well I did most of it, but she did add a secret ingredient into the chili…cayenne pepper! We girls like it spicy), and finishing off the evening with Superbad (yeah, all you that told be before were right…hilarious! HI-LARIOUS).

A grand weekend all around, aside from the car troubles (thank goodness that didn’t happen during the week…again). Tonight I’m making dinner for Eric…hopefully I haven’t grossly over-exaggerated my cooking skills :)

Up some sort of friggin creek without a Cougar

2008-02-08T19:58:00.001-07:00

Today is Friday, one of my more favorite days of the week. I should be out and about, trolling around town, perhaps on a hot date. Instead, I’m at home in my apartment without a mode of transportation and my evening driving somewhere between here and Pueblo (about 2 hours away).

I left work around 3, giddy at the prospect of the weekend ahead of me; actually, I had a headache and felt a little ill, but I was still excited to go home. Visions of taking a nap danced in my head. As I was pulling up to my apartment, I nudged the curb with my tire. Those of you who have driven with me (at all) will know that I do on occasion attack poor defenseless curbs. But this was no ordinary curb, oh no. This curb attacked back. I got out of my car nonchalantly and heard the unmistakable hiss of air leaving the front passenger tire. Crap! (I’m pretty sure my expletive was a bit more colorful, you know, like “Shoot!” or “Oh drat!”)

Always the stubborn and resourceful gal, I called no one (never mind that Eric was on his way to Pueblo to help a friend move and Shaw was still at work). I calmly walked inside, put on more suitable clothes (no way was I going to attempt to change a tire in my high heels) and marched back out to Sydney (my Cougar). I pulled out the ingredients: tire iron, jack, spare tire. I popped the hubcap off. I placed the tire iron over the first lug nut. The foot-long tire iron I might add. I turned counterclockwise with all my might. Nothing happened (nothing other than my grunting and me imagining myself as Mr. T. “I piddy da fool who can’t break loose wheel lugs.” Turns out that fool is me). I stood on the darn lug nuts and…nada. No movement. Granted, I might have been more successful with a bigger/longer tire iron, but that was a moo point (you know, a cow’s opinion) seeing as how I wasn’t going to go driving to the nearest auto store to purchase one.

So, what did I do? I called a tow truck. I learned this lesson in December when I had a flat tire (during that venture my dad and I couldn’t get the lug nuts off, but we thought that was because they were rusted on…well they were…then). This was in the middle of a huge snowstorm and instead of wrestling with the car and further, we called a tow truck.

That magical solution seemed to work just fine for me tonight as well. They towed my car to the nearest tire place. Unfortunately, Firestone didn’t call me about it until around 6. Clearly they were not going to take a look at it tonight. The best I was going to get was for them to catch a looksey tomorrow a.m. So now I’m stuck at home with no Cougar and my Friday night plans (Eric) on his way back from Pueblo.

Blargh, Friday night boredom!

Bachelor Number 3 and a New Soul

2008-02-07T15:50:00.001-07:00

Say goodbye to Dana the singleton. I've had a lot of fun the past few months as a singleton, exploring my city, making new friends, spending lots of time with old friends, visiting with my family. And, in point of fact, I really have no intention of giving up any of those things, but in the past few weeks, my life has changed a bit.

I've been spending quite a bit of my time in the company of Bachelor Number 3 (henceforth to be called Eric…because that's his name), my third fellow from eHarmony, and I have to say, dear readers, it has been a long time (LONG time) since I've been this happy. No, not just happy. Giddy. Those of you that have known me over the years, know what I mean. I get sort of bouncy and giggly, and you can't get the smile off of my face or out of my voice.

So, how did I end up at this state of sublime happiness? Who knows. Throw in a few dates, great conversation, shared interests, and voila! This past weekend was one of the better ones I've had in a while. His mom has a condo just outside of Winter Park (a ski resort), which we drove up to on Friday night (great way to avoid the horror that is Saturday a.m. ski traffic). We got up late on Saturday morning and made breakfast (okay, he made breakfast while I watched and tried to be helpful…although I did insist on cooking my own bacon) before hitting the slopes. The skiing was awesome (lots of powder) and even though I fell a lot, I had a grand time. Eric's an amazing (AMAZING) skier and I found myself mesmerized more than once. While we were on the mountain we stopped at a lodge for lunch (it's on the middle of the mountain between lifts) and I realized as soon as I saw the lodge that my company built it (which I thought was pretty snazzy).

We decided to stay in town for the night rather than drive back home in lots of traffic. We went out to dinner, had a few beers, and flirted shamelessly with each other.

The rest of this week has been a little difficult…some working late combined with a side of not getting enough sleep, but I'm still too happy to care :)

I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

Good air in, bad air out, cough cough…look, there goes my lung!

2008-01-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

I may be feeling a bit under the weather. I may be at home sick from work for my third day in a row with one of the most awful colds I’ve ever had (achy muscles, hacking cough, congestion, fever, headache, and a constant desire to sleep). Now one could blame this all on all the winter illness that’s going around, but I know better. Sure that has something to do with it, but I also know when I get stressed out, my immune system pretty much sucks.

As much as I don’t like to admit it, I’ve been spreading myself pretty thin since the New Year started…I literally haven’t had a day of no plans. Let me do a bit of catching up!

Workout
I started a new workout class. It’s Monday-Friday, 5 AM – 6:45 and it’s called Boot Camp. The name should give you an idea what it’s like, but basically we (there are about 10 people in the class) go an extreme workout every day, focusing on different parts of our bodies each day. Most days there is a moment where I literally feel like I’m going to fall over. By the end of the class I feel so good about myself, but the workout is so intense that I’m exhausted the rest of the day. I’m assured that eventually I’ll start having more energy as the class goes on but I guess I haven’t crossed that hurdle quite yet.

Friends and Family
I’ve been able to spend a little bit of time with most of my friends in the area and I’ve gotten to see my family a few times in there as well. As happy as I am for my many friends’ serious relationships (pretty much every one of my girl friends is in a serious relationship, including 2 engagements and 2 marriages (not the same as the engagements) occurring in the past 6 months), it’s nice to have some friends who have similar demands on their time. I’ve been hanging out with Natalie, an awesome singleton from work, quite a bit, including a girls’ night out last Friday with her and her friends…an evening that included tasty appetizers and a bit of unnecessary driving around in the snow, but still fun none-the-less.

Dating
I told you I’d keep you up to date on any eHarmony/dating developments, though I didn’t actually meet anyone from eH until after the New Year. Bachelor Number 1 (two dates), although fun initially, had a dry sarcastic humor that was even too much for me to take (I know, hard to believe) and in the end the conversation felt a little superficial. Bachelor Number 2 (three dates), although an initial attraction, fizzled out quickly…once the initial spark faded, I realized I just didn’t feel like myself around him.

And now we come to Bachelor Number 3 (2.5 dates so far…in only one week even). I didn’t have too much of an instinct about him until we talked on the phone last week, but when you can talk to someone you haven’t even met for 2 and half hours, it’s hard not to have a good feeling about it. Our first date was at a fish place in Denver where we spent about 3 hours talking and laughing and eating. Our second date was supposed to be last night but when he called me on Wednesday to arrange the details and heard how pathetically sick I was, he offered to bring me OJ and soup (an offer I happily accepted). Although I wasn’t the best for conversation (I was coughing quite a bit) it was nice to have the company and he ended up staying four a couple of hours. So last night was much more like date 2.5. I went to his place…he made us dinner. We spent another few hours listening to and talking about music. We have another date tentatively scheduled for Saturday night…I’ll be sure to keep you updated (that is if I haven’t lost all my readers in my long posting absence).

So, although all has been going well this year, stress from work and very little time to myself has caused my immune system to weaken and turned me into a puffy-eyed red-nosed zombie who isn’t missing out on her ab workout one bit (that coughing takes a lot out of you).

Have a Holly Jolly Single Life

2007-12-01T20:33:00.001-07:00

I have a Christmas tree. Although it’s a standard 6’ish tall, it looks teeny in my apartment (the ceilings are quite high). Although I toyed with the idea of getting a taller tree, I was limited to what I could fit into my car with Sarah and I still in it. I wanted to do something fun and special for the tree this year, so instead of my standard grocery store/gas station Christmas tree, we drove up to Evergreen (about 45 minutes away) to a tree farm. They have the trees lined up outside in price aisles and saw the bottoms off for you while you pay are assaulted with cheesy holiday music and bold decorations. In standard Dana fashion, I saw a tree I liked, grabbed it, and bought it. No looking around at others, no second guessing. We also grabbed lunch at a Chinese place with a cute sunroom that looks out onto mountains.

Then I went and killed my tree. Okay, so I’m not sure on this one, but I forgot to water it for a few days. When I realized the dire situation (I felt inside the tree’s water dish and *gasp* no water!) I filled it up quick like. Unfortunately, the water level hasn’t moved in 24 hours. Eeek. This is what I get for getting the darn thing early in the first place.

On to other things in the life of a single, I’ve joined an online dating site. This was something I was sure I would never try when I was younger and more naive. Then I left school and realized that it’s much harder to meet people with similar interests. I’m sure there are other ways to go about it, but this seemed to make the most sense to me. I’ve only been a member for a few days, so I’ll let you know as more progresses.

I’m still trying to figure out other things I want to do to fill the rest of my time (take dance classes, join a rock gym, learn how to make furniture, you know, that kind of stuff), but in the meantime I have a new friend who’s acquainting me with Denver. Dave’s a fan of food and wine and is an expert at both. It’s like knowing a guidebook to the city. So city! He’s in seminary school right now, studying to be a priest (some of you may think this an odd friend for me to come across, and you might be right. I love it when you meet new people who are the life of the party; that’s Dave. I met him through Boo).

My insomnia persisted into my weekend. Work has been stressful and I needed some caffeine to get me through Friday afternoon (to make sure I got enough work done so I wouldn’t stress about it through the weekend, which I thought I had). When I got home I cleaned my entire apartment, worked out, watched a little T.V., enjoyed a scrumptious dinner of carrots (working out threw my appetite off), took a bath that was too hot (I almost fainted when I got out; I’m very sensitive to heat), read and went to bed. Not the most exciting Friday night, but very enjoyable. Until 2:30 a.m. came around and I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep (and I was of course hungry). AND I kept thinking about work.

Today I spent a couple hours at the mall getting Christmas presents, depleted my bank account significantly, and became utterly exhausted (malls make me tired general, but I get so happy buying presents for others that after about the 5th adrenaline rush, my body starts to think okay, I can’t take much more of this). I managed to take a little nap this afternoon, but my phone woke me up. Now I’m out the door on my way to hang out with Dave and some of his friends for his birthday celebration at an Irish Pub.

Tortilla Soup

2007-11-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

Last week was one of those weeks where a little bit of bad news combined with a little bit of self-doubt equals an overwhelming fatalistic sense that things aren’t going the way you planned and that you should just chuck it all in and escape to Italy.

I think that portion of the week is over, though. Today for the first time in a long time I was…hungover. Last night Shaw and I drove down to Centennial to have dinner with Colin, Kerry, and Anthony. Colin had made pasta dough and after rolling it super thin (thin enough to see you hand through) Kerry and I gave it an egg wash and put blobs of ricotta, Parmesan, mozzarella, and chopped asparagus on the dough and attempted to make ravioli. We were mostly successful as only a few leaked while being cooked and the whole result was quite tasty. Shaw and I agreed that he would drive my car home but that apparently meant that everyone thought I needed encouragement to drink more. I was shooting for a mild buzz. Instead I had…well, more than a person who hasn’t had more than a couple drinks a week should have.

After getting over my hangover this morning, Sarah came over. We spent a lot of time being indecisive (because I’m never indecisive), but I eventually settled on making vegetarian tortilla soup and cinnamon rolls. We watched old episodes of Survivor while I made dinner. Everything was delicious!

Now Gatsby and I are cozying up on the couch, recovering from the weekend (he got a lot of attention, and that can take its toll).

All Hallows Eve and a night of no sleep…life is but a dream

2007-11-02T02:40:00.000-06:00

There’s nothing like a healthy dose of insomnia to get you blogging again. I can’t take full responsibility for this one since I got a “late” call from Anthony (okay, it was at 11, but I’d gone to bed at 10). Apparently all I needed was an hour nap, not a full nights sleep. I’m so exhausted. I thought about working out, but I just can’t muster the energy. I tried falling back asleep, but I just kept getting more frustrated. I think the worst part is that I have a lot of work to do at work tomorrow and I just don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day without bursting into tears (what I do when I’m really stressed or tired…yeah, some of you know ALL about that).

I went out in LoDo for Halloween…and what fun was had all around! It was a grand gathering of two Hogwarts witches (me and Kerry), a pirate (Shaw), Frank Sinatra (Kurt), and the Dude (Colin). It was the first night in a long time that I was actually excited about going out to the bars. I could only have one drink (I was fasting for my cholesterol test the next day, standard part of my yearly physical) but I was chipper all evening.

Things have been going pretty well, but I’m having a hard time being positive because I’m so tired. Time to clean my apartment (what else should one do at 2:30 a.m.?). I feel so strange. Usually watching a movie is high on my list, but ALL I want to do right now is sleep!

Picture update

2007-10-15T19:12:00.001-06:00

Okay, time for pictures. To see more, check out my online album.

The Great Gatsby

2007-10-15T19:06:00.000-06:00

The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite pieces of “literature.” I’m not usually a girl who will read high literature on a Saturday morning, but Gatsby makes it on to my list (along with Jane Austin and Jane Eyre and a few others). Not to say I don’t read; I read a lot. I love to read. It’s just that often it’s Harry Potter and Chick Lit (the Chick Flick of fiction). I love Gatsby for many reasons, but part of it is its perceptive nature of love and emotional torture. In fact, my favorite quote is:

"They were careless people, Tom and Daisy -- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made"

Don’t ask me why I love this quote so much. The way it has related to me in the past really no longer applies, it’s just that I still feel for Gatsby.

The past week has been wonderful. A little hectic, but overall positive. I wake up in the morning and there’s a warm body sleeping next to me. Or running around the apartment. Yes, that’s right; I’m no longer living alone. I have a cat. Sarah came up last weekend and suggested we go to the Colorado Humane Society to get a kitten or two for my apartment. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while so we set off. After getting lost a few times, we managed to the cramped little shelter. Although the kittens were cute, as I was reaching down into their cage, another cat reached out and pawed me. He was so insistent in his bid for my affection that I pulled him out of his little prison to hold him. He was so sweet and after I heard that he’d been at the shelter for 5 months, I knew I had to have him. Kittens always find homes…not always the case for cats like “Squeakers” (their name for him, which I refused to call him). The shelter thought he was about 3 or 4 years old…I’m taking him to the vet next week, so we’ll find out for sure.

All day Sunday I was starting to regret my decision. I knew it would be hard for him to adjust, but he was hiding out under my bed and refused to be coaxed out. So I decided to give him time, but I couldn’t help but feeling a little lonely and depressed (the nasty/cold weather didn’t help).

Now we’ve established more of a routine. The past couple of days when I come home from work he’s not hiding but waiting by the door for me. He walks around the kitchen talking while I make dinner. And he knows when I’m getting ready for bed. He hops up on the bed, meows insistently, and quickly snuggles up next to me (actively looking to be pet) as I get under the covers.

He’s gone through a few names but I think I’ve finally decided on Gatsby

Vega-tarian

2007-10-02T19:03:00.000-06:00

(This blog was written on the day it says it was posted; it just took me a couple weeks to actually post it).

I think I’m starting to get a handle on things again. I’m still horrible about calling people (thanks for reminding me, Peter) and returning emails (I know, I know Kerry!). However, my life really is starting to feel like something in my control once again.

I really like living alone. I don’t live too far from my family (20 minutes in good traffic) or Shaw (5 minutes since he moved to Denver) so I have people to see. Other friends don’t live too far away, but I’m ashamed to say I haven’t seen them nearly as much.

Before I can go too much further, I have to say: Go Rockies! For those of you who don’t know (people who live in Iowa or under rocks) the Rockies beat the Padres in the tie-breaker for the National League Wild Card spot; we’re in the playoffs, baby! And what an exciting game it was (13 innings with some “interesting” ref calls).

I haven’t seen too much of my apartment in the past few days. This weekend I went to Gunnison with Shaw to visit his sister Jenny. We went hiking both days and on Sunday we went to the Black Canyon of the Gunnison. I took pictures of our Saturday hike (saturated with aspens turning gold) but the canyon just doesn’t photograph well (it’s very steep and hard to really get the full perspective in there).

Last night I was over at my parents until 9:30. I think my apartment is afraid I only sleep there. Hopefully tonight we’ll have some good quality time together.

Moving on to my eating habits. As hard as I’m trying to be vegan, I’m not completely faithful, but I’m not letting that get me down. Everything I buy and make at home is vegan but when I’m eating out I’m vegetarian (it’s just way too hard to go out randomly AND be vegan, so I’ve dubbed myself a vega-tarian and I do try to be fairly healthy with my food choices). However, this diet change seems to be working out fairly well. I have to be careful that I eat enough of the right stuff every day (getting protein is easy; other things take more thought). Oh, yeah, and I’ve lost 5 pounds since I moved to Denver (combination of eating better and exercising…and I didn’t have to start counting calories again, which I’ll admit got a little tedious the last time I did it).

There are some things I’ve come to realize about being vegan. You have to be very creative about recipes and what you buy. It’s amazing what I never realized was out there and is it really a bad thing to experiment with substitutes for butter? Vegan alternatives for non vegan food (like soy cheese or facon) generally suck (and a lot of times the have unhealthy things added to them making them not so great for you). Some alternatives are good (a favorite of mine: vegan meatballs) but soy cheese…ugh. Instead of pining over food I’m just not going to buy, I’ve been creative and have been coming up with and researching new recipes for foods that I wouldn’t normally have made. Some favorites include (all vegan of course) hot and sour soup, minestrone, salads with olive or flax seed oil and balsamic vinegar, and sautéed mushrooms, peppers, and onions on whole wheat dill onion bread. On the menu for tonight (assuming I’m not lazy): spicy red lentil and vegetable soup, baby field greens salad, whole wheat rolls (from Great Harvest, a yummy bread store), and banana nut bread for dessert.

I’ve also been pretty good about not drinking caffeine (well actually I really haven’t drank any, but I have overindulged in chocolate, which I’m guessing is caffeine related).

Work is good; busy (my health insurance kicked in yesterday…whoo-hoo!). I have a lot more energy in the evenings when I get off work, but often I’m so drained from work, I still don’t want to use my brain anymore (hence the lack of blog posts and general Internet presence). I miss you, though, faithful readers :)

Dana and the City

2007-09-15T12:55:00.000-06:00

Today was my first lazy Saturday in my new apartment. The first day I naturally woke up to a place that was just me and felt like home. Today has been amazing and it’s only just after noon.

I’ve been acquainting myself with my city. This morning I went to Sports Authority’s SNIAGRAB (BARGAINS) and managed to drop over $600 dollars (but I walked out of the store with skis, bindings, ski poles, snowboard pants (way cooler than ski pants), goggles, and a new pair of gloves). And I managed to do all this in only 45 minutes (I had to pay a meter). I am an amazing shopper. I had a little trouble getting to the store; read: I got lost. However, it was NOT my fault. I was driving to the store, following my online directions and there were a whole bunch of road closures because of a parade. Somehow, despite my best efforts, I managed to be in the restricted zone (a police officer had to kindly show me a way out and I was still lost). Fortunately, just before I moved to Denver, my mom bought me a map of the city. I pulled over and did a little scanning before I found where I was. But all ended up well and I got to shop in a relatively quiet store.

After getting excited for winter with my new purchases, I drove around in the beautiful sunshine (65 degrees out…wonderful!) until I arrived at Whole Foods, my new favorite store. This is a natural grocery store with lots of organic and vegan foods. I’ve been vegetarian for about a week and this weekend I’m going vegan (that’s the plan at any rate). I’ve actually had some really good meals in the past few days. For lunch I had a baby greens salad with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and organic whole wheat pasta with tomato basil sauce and vegan meatballs (it was definitely the best pasta I’ve ever made for myself) and the vegan meatballs were yummy! And, I’ve made a new discovery. Despite the many time Kate insisted that hummus was awesome, I wasn’t really compelled to try it (I think I tasted it on a sandwich or two). OMG. Hummus is delicious! And there are all kinds of tasty flavors (spicy ones for my picky palate). I highly recommend it on crackers, bagels, or even toast. One of the nice things about limiting yourself to what you can buy in the grocery store is realizing all the tasty foods that exist that I never noticed before. I’m sure I’ll try some stuff that I don’t like, but right now I’m feeling pretty good about it (and still excited about my decision!).

In the wee small hours of the morning

2007-09-08T07:07:00.001-06:00

Yes, I haven’t posted in a while. Don’t worry, I’ve properly punished myself (what more do you want, it’s 7 am on a Saturday and I’m posting). While it was difficult to post with my parent’s slow connection, it is even more difficult to post without Internet (I’d say nigh impossible, but some people are very resourceful).

Yesterday the cable guys came and now I have cable, high speed Internet (although I don’t currently have wireless, and I’m paying for high speed Internet, but it turns out that one of the girls in my building does not password protect her Internet, so I’m borrowing it until she does), and high speed phone (which I know I won’t use unless I need to call my cell phone because I’ve lost it but it was only $6 more…)

Okay, on to bigger and better (and (potentially) more interesting) things.

Job: Good. Although the pacing of the work makes it a little stressful, and I’m really just spending a lot of time working out the processes of things, I really like what I’m doing. I work with fun, amazing people (most of whom are married), I’m challenged by what I do, and I get to work with InDesign all the time (which is my favorite software program).

Social Life: Good. I was a little hesitant about going out for a while, but I’ve been living in my new apartment for about a week now and it’s really starting to show; I’m happier and I have a lot more self-confidence. Plus my apartment is amazing. Amazing. Just you wait until I show you pictures.

This is a good weekend. Kate and Steph are visiting from Iowa and I couldn’t be happier. They got here last night and after a bit of high-pitched exclamations and group hugging we had dinner with my parents (BLTs with garden tomaters…mmmm). We left Kate’s car there and I drove them to my apartment. In good traffic, it’s a 20 minute drive. After some showering, we called a cab (so city!) and went out to the bars in the historical downtown district (literally 10 blocks from my house). We went to LoDo’s (sports bar, which was pretty empty considering the Rockies game was on, but it was a home game and the tickets are pretty inexpensive), walked to the Rio (makes the best margaritas around), and finally ended the night at the Wynkoop (a local brewery/bar). Steph didn’t feel well after just a couple drinks (although one of those was a Rio margarita) but I’m putting most of it down to the altitude. If you’re not used to it, it can really make you a cheep drunk (and you have to remember to hydrate).

Today we’re going to Whole Foods (a natural grocery) and my company picnic (I’ve promised only a couple hours of torture, but the people I work with are really cool and I don’t anticipate then hating it…but either way, I have to make an appearance). From 3-5 (read: 5:30) delivery people are coming by my apartment to deliver and put together my elliptical (yay! I figured this would be just as much as a gym membership and I could use it at all my weird Dana times without going anywhere). At 6:00 I’m having people over for a housewarming party (this is a mellow party, not really a whoo-hoo lets make a lot of noise party, because I do after all live in a house with 5 other girls). Tomorrow we’re going to Boulder to see the town and do a little hiking (Boulder is such a fun highlight on a Colorado trip).

In other news: I’ve decided to become a vegan. What? you say. Yes, that’s correct, you’re eyes are not deceiving you. I’m doing this for several reasons, but the biggest one is my health. I’m tired of the food I eat making me feel like crap. So I’m going to detox my body by eating only organic vegan (as much as possible) for at least two months. I haven’t started yet because I need a free weekend to figure out what food I need to buy so that I get enough nutrients every day (read: got to get some protein, iron, etc. most every day), but look for posts on this in a week or so. I’m not really doing it for political reasons, although that’s a minor part of it. I’m not going to give up all my leather. If I find a really yummy organic bread that has some animal product, I’m not going to torture my conscious that I ate it. This is really about eating foods that make me feel like I have control over what I eat, not my cravings controlling me (so, sadly, yes, I’m not going to eat cheese. I love it too much and I have a hard time controlling how much of it I eat). I’ve already given up caffeine (and let me tell you, the withdrawal was painful…I had a massive headache that got so bad I became nauseous) and most refined sugar (this is actually a harder thing to give up than you might think. I mean, yes it’s a difficult thing to do, but it’s even more difficult because it’s in everything. Do you know how many foods contain high fructose corn syrup (or any of it’s other nasty cousins)?) No more diet soda (sniff sniff. Whatever, aspartame is horrible for you).

I’ve already had A LOT of people tell me that this is something that they could never do, but you know, I’ve said that about a lot of things. This is something I can do because I finally have the right internal motivation, the kind that makes you stick with it. I haven’t had caffeine in two weeks and I feel so much better. It’s easier for me to get up in the morning, I don’t crash during the day, and when I get home I still have a lot of energy to work on things. My lethargy from before is disappearing. So, no matter how hard of a time you give me, I can take it. :)

(possible) return of the social life

2007-08-25T07:13:00.000-06:00

(the first half of this post was written Friday afternoon)

Things have been a little slow in my social life and I really only (mostly) have myself to blame. I just haven’t wanted to go out, haven’t been too excited. Part of it is that I miss having really awesome girls to hang out with (again, my own fault for leaving Iowa and also for not making more trips down to Colorado Springs). I do have some old work friends from LNT, but most of them don’t live nearby anymore. Woe is me. Sob. Sob.

Okay, enough of my pity party. I’m planning on turning things around a little when I move to Denver (a little over a week away, meaning this weekend=packing). Mostly I’ve just felt a little bored with myself but no desire to break out of my “lay-low” pattern. I’ve been hanging out with Sister Sarah on the weekends (and other assorted family members) and my Netflix subscriptions during the week (yes, I did notice that that’s a pattern I fall into when I’m depressed). But really, I’m not depressed (not too much); I’m just a little overwhelmed.

As I become more familiar with my job, I discover that I still like it (whoo-hoo!). However, it takes a lot out me and at the end of the work day I’m not really too thrilled with the idea of doing much. Part of it is getting used to getting up “early” again (no mid day nap) and part of it is just that work is a little stressful (because I’m still learning a lot), which means it’s exhausting (read: why I haven’t posted in a while).

There are perks, though. This company really likes a happy employee. They give out clothes for free (right now I’m cutting a stunning figure in a blue button-up with the company logo embroidered on the front) and even better…they have a fully stocked kitchen. You may wonder what exactly this entails…pretty much what it sounds like. There are two microwaves, two refrigerators and whatever food you can imagine (seriously, whatever you want. The secretary orders food every week and she has a list you can add items to; then the place is restocked every Monday, which means you’d better get there early on Monday to get all the good stuff). I’m starting to see a lot of benefits to this. I don’t eat breakfast at home most days and I’m saving a ton of money (or will be) with the lack of food I have to shop for at the store every week.

And, we get to leave the office occasionally. I’ve been run marketing errands with the marketing assistant (also my office mate) and I’ve also been out to visit a few job sites. Today the marketing assistant and I are going up to Breckenridge to take some photos of a couple new schools, including one grand opening. A half day at the office doesn’t sound too shabby and we’re going out for drinks (with possibly some other A&P people) afterward.

These are a Few of My Favorite Things
FOOD: I discovered a new cheese (well technically I’m stealing this credit from my mom, but meh): black diamond cheddar; it’s very sharp, very artery clogging, very much from Scotland (or somewhere far far away), and very much yummy. Only to be known to be found at Whole Foods.

MUSIC: I just started getting music from iTunes again (well, I was poor and the slow Internet connection plays havoc with my patience). I’ve been DLing a lot of KBCO tracks, but if anyone has any good suggestions, let me know. I like Feist right now (thanks to…um…Magner? Pretty sure…) and Amy Winehouse (thanks to Ruthann and Shaw).

HAIR: I’m still a blond but I’m thinking of going red again or ever brunette. The onset of fall makes me long for those darker colors, and with my hair’s stubbornness, more than likely it will fad in a month or so anyway.

MOVIES: I saw Stardust and loved it. It’s escapism, which is what I look for in a movie. Removed from reality? Sign me up!

The above post was written yesterday…so here’s a quick update. I went to Frisco/Breckenridge and took some (sort of) awesome photos. At the middle school (where there was a grand opening) I admitted to my boss that we may not have gotten the right shots of the high school (after he explained to me which part of the building was added on by A&P…and also, what was I thinking?), met the um…very attractive…project executive (yes, sadly that is the end of that story), and got a tour of some of the new construction.

Wired on Starbucks, the Marketing Assistant (who will now be referred to as Dee) and I drove home. I tried hard not to speed and passed the same van hauling a makeshift trailer three times (once because I tend to pass people on the interstate, twice because we stopped for gum and ladeda there we go passing it again, and thrice because I got off at the wrong exit (which I never ever do) and had to take a little detour to get back again).

We went and had a couple drinks at BJ’s with one of the estimators, Anthony, and then sat around debating where to go next. I was supposed to call Shaw when our plans solidified and then…my phone died. And then…it was decided that we should go somewhere I have managed to avoid my whole life…The Grizzley Rose. A country bar. What do I have against country? I like some country. I don’t like feeling like I’ve been sucked into a twilight zone and am back with people I could have gone to high school with (I try to forget high school). It was fun though. I had a Bloody Mary (my new favorite drink, thanks to Sarah) and could have had a better time if I’d had more to drink (but I was battling that balance between having more to drink and being really tired, or not drinking, making the evening less adventurous and still being really tired). I called it quits at only 11 (feeling a bit lame) and went home.

I woke up at 6 this morning (I’m guessing that is just what’s going to happen anymore) and am planning on shopping today and maybe having dinner with Shaw.

End of (boring) update (and if you’re waiting, and have been waiting for a while now, many posts even, for me to address my issues with parentheticals, well ha! I’m sure somewhere out there Helen Ewald is holding the same hope, but they are just one of my (endearing) personality querks. Read: I am a person of asides and staying linear is just now what my mind was built for.).

When it rains...

2007-08-07T19:18:00.000-06:00

Apparently it’s monsoon season in Colorado. In the same breath that this statement was relayed to me, I was also privy to the following nugget: how preposterous. Those of you not familiar with Colorado may not understand the ridiculousness of a monsoon season here, but I assure you that there is indeed something a bit off about the term. It isn’t like Arizona where it’s all hot and dry and then for a few weeks in the summer it rains and rains…and rains. It isn’t like Iowa where there are exotic late night thunderstorms at night and stifling humidity during the day. Monsoon season in Colorado…well, it’s what you imagine a nice summer could be like.

July was hot. H.O.T. Roasty toasty. Maybe not Arizona hot (in the hundreds every day…although pretty darn close) or Iowa hot (in the upper eighties and nineties with that darn humidity), but we Coloradoans are weenies. How many days of sunshine can a person endure (it’s really us who should be called the sunshine state)? So for the past week it has been in the 60’s in the morning. The sun comes out during the day, burns off all the clouds, and then they come rolling in from the southwest (mountains) and sprinkle the earth, mostly just enough to keep the top soil under control (otherwise it’s very rowdy).

Why am I rambling about monsoon season, you ask? You mean to say you want to hear about my first few days at work? Whether or not I got the apartment? Silly readers. That would just be me being sensible…which I am not.

Last week was a bit stressful as I sought advice about living in the city. I had to have a background check done to find out whether or not I could get the apartment I wanted. Boy was I thrilled when I found out that I not only have $20,000 in student loans, but also a significant amount in credit card debt (which I had no knowledge of). I have 9 credit cards (yes, too many, I know), but none of them have an unpaid balance. The ones that I do use get paid off every month. I was livid. How could the credit check people have screwed up so royally? I don’t know, but I double-checked with them and it was most certainly a misunderstanding. Shakes fist angrily.

However, my new potential landlord was more than willing to let me sign the lease, “bad credit” and all, as long as I paid the security deposit and last month’s rent up front. This was going to require borrowing a bit from my parents, but I had no desire to keep apartment hunting. I’d found a place I loved and that was that. So on Saturday I signed the lease. I signed it and as I was leaving my landlord’s house, it started to rain. It was raining so hard by the time I got home that I had to leave my lease in the car.

On Sunday night I couldn’t sleep. I started work the next day. I was nervous. It was raining outside. Loud thunder. Bright lightning. I slept maybe 4 hours (maybe). That’s a bit devastating to an 8.5 hour gal like me. But I survived. And I survived my first day. A lot of running around and meeting people. A drug test. Trying to remember things I am sure to forget. A couple of meetings. A business expensed lunch. I’m exhausted from the sheer newness of it all. Today was more of the same, figuring out how to use my email, intranet, phone (I’m afraid of it), and more. But then this afternoon I got to actually do some real work. My boss had received a request for proposal (RFP) and went over it with me and what we would be doing. He then gave me the rest of the day (2.5 hours) to play around with designing a template for the proposal! It was great working with InDesign again and although I didn’t create a work of art, I don’t totally hate it. It was just nice to be doing some actual work. Some of the orientation stuff is sort of boring (but understandably necessary) and has me clock watching.

I left work today feeling tired (I’m behind on sleep and not used to getting up early) but somewhat satisfied. I’ve been feeling really lethargic in the afternoons (almost like being hungover, although that can’t be it since I haven’t had drinks). I think my body misses working out. Hang on body, soon I’ll be able to afford a gym membership. It rained as I was coming home, sucking the heat out of the air (it was 81 when I left work and 64 when I got home). Now I’m sitting on plumy, typing away, as the sky clears up and a cool rain smelling breeze wafts through the window. I feel content. Almost.

Why I never should have started apartment hunting

2007-08-01T10:01:00.000-06:00

No matter how happy I wake up in the morning, it seems my mom is determined to depress me. Oh, that is not her intention, but she is doing it none the less. I’ve been apartment searching the past few days and I have decided to narrow my apartments down into two categories: 1) Generic apartments with great amenities (like dish washer, a/c, and a washer and dryer) that are close to work and 2) Unique apartments, such as part of a Victorian House, without any of the aforementioned amenities that are close to downtown Denver but about a 30 minute drive (in good traffic, more like 50 in bad traffic) from work. It would be nice if category number 2 was closer to work, but if that were the case, I still would be pretty far away from downtown and I’ve wanted to live in the city for so long.

So, what’s the problem currently? I’ve decided that I really like an apartment in Denver, in a neighborhood called Five Points. Now Five Points has a somewhat sketchy reputation, but so do a lot of areas in Denver. The block I’d be living on has a lot of neat houses (none of them have bars on the windows, I would just like to point out) and some of the blocks in either direction are a bit, um, less desirable; my mom doesn’t think it’s a very safe place. I understand where she’s coming from, I really do. And I see her point. However, I don’t think it’s as bad as she makes it out (certainly no place in Denver is perfectly safe anyway).

This morning she walked into my room and said, “Wouldn’t you rather live closer to work? What about finding an apartment in an old house, maybe not a Victorian, but one that’s closer to work.” I thought about this for a second. It seemed like an okay point. But then I realized what was wrong with it. I wouldn’t be living in downtown Denver. Maybe this seems like a bit stubborn on my part, but I’m tired of living in areas that feel like suburbs. I want to live in the city, with all it’s complications. I feel like she doesn’t trust my judgment, or that maybe she thinks I’m not in touch with reality in this situation. But I’ve thought about what I want. I’ve had to prioritize because I’m not going to get everything in one package.

I’ve been a commuter for the past 4 years of my life (having either a job or school that I have to go to 2-5 days a week that is anywhere from 25-40 minutes away), so although it’s a bit of a hassle to be living that far away from work, it also has perks (I’d be slightly closer to the Springs and Kerry and Carrie than if I lived in Aurora, I’d be closer to Centennial and Colin (Kerry’s boyfriend and a good friend) and my grandparents, I’d be closer to Golden and Ant, and I’d be closer to Boulder and Shaw and Lynon).

I don’t think my mom has ever really disagreed with most of the decisions I’ve made in my life, or at least she’s let them be my own choices. But this choice…she doesn’t like it at all. And it seems she trying to exercise every bit of her rhetorical ability to make sure that I don’t sign the lease for this apartment. But everyday that she changes her argument, I just feel my elation get chipped away. Sometimes she weakens my resolve (some of her arguments are good, and I know she means well), but then I remember why I want this place (close to downtown, nice house, beautiful yard, charming and cute (and small) on the inside). So, if I’m going to have the two qualities that matter most to me, close to downtown and a unique apartment, she suggested I look at a couple other apartments that are similar. Well, the two I looked at (I had to stick with ones within a certain financial range) were in slightly nicer areas, but they were really close to Colfax (a very busy street and not the safest) and looked a bit more careworn than my first choice (I didn’t see inside them, and maybe this is just me being stubborn again, but I loved the inside of my first choice so much that I find it hard to imagine liking somewhere else more…liking it just as well, yes, that’s possible. However, when I’m not excited about the outside, why bother?).

So am I being too stubborn? Too hasty in my decision? I don’t know. The owners want me to sign a lease this weekend (assuming my background check goes well) and move in on September 1. My mom wants me to work for a little before deciding where to live. I again see her point (after all, I’ll probably be spending some time with my co-workers, maybe I should get their input). However, I don’t want to let this apartment go and regret not taking it. But what if I hate living there and I’m stuck there for a year? These are the kinds of things that have put me into my current state of depression. I could end up hating anywhere I live. A part of me knows she’s right and a part of me just wants her to lay off already and let me make the decision for myself.

I have a job!

2007-07-27T17:08:00.000-06:00

Yes, that’s right, after almost 3 months of searching I finally have a job, and not just any job, but a job I’m actually excited about (and that I don’t feel like I’m settling for).

I’ll be working at Adolfson & Peterson, a construction company, as a marketing coordinator. Among other things, I’ll be working on writing client proposals (one of the coolest things about this is that the proposals are done in InDesign so I’ll be working with the proposal layout), sending out press releases, and writing articles. There are a lot of design and layout opportunities, which was one of my main criteria for any job because I didn’t want to be JUST writing. When this company contacted me a couple weeks ago, they said that the position had been open for a few months and that many people had been interviewed and no one had seemed like the right fit. Although the company is growing, they’re in no hurry to fill the position until they feel they’ve found the right employee. When the woman from HR contacted me, she said she’d taken a look at my resume and just had a “feeling” about me. Our phone interview went very well and we scheduled an interview for me with my potential future supervisor for Monday. That interview also went very well and was completely different than what I was expecting. The last company I interviewed with made me feel a little like I was being manipulated and I didn’t feel at all that way during my A&P interview. I got to ask questions and a lot of it was the guy telling me about the position (I think I had a smile that kept getting bigger and bigger the more he talked about it). Although he asked me a couple of questions, they were clearly related to the job (instead of being in that genre of generic interview questions, such as “what are your strengths?” which I felt had been more the situation at the last place). I came back yesterday morning to meet with a few people that I’d be working with on a regular basis (architect and project manager). I thought both of these meetings went pretty well, but when I spoke with my supervisor this morning he said that both men had said they would have hired me on the spot and thought I would fit in very well with the company. You shouldn’t be surprised that when I hung up the phone, after hearing compliments like this and a salary figure that was slightly higher than I was expecting, I started jumping up and down. A lot.

So there you have it. Dana has a job. Collective sigh of relief. Phew. Look for more details after I start, which will probably be a week from this coming Monday. Soon to follow (in the next month or so) will be me getting my own place, although I would like to replenish some of my lost savings. I’m also so thrilled about all the things I get to do soon. Like, get a haircut (just a trim, I’m really liking the long hair, but honestly, 2 years of not going near hair scissors might be a bit long for my locks…they’re looking a lil dry and haggard). Or go to the dentist (never thought I’d be excited about that, and I’m little nervous because my teeth always were prone to cavities). Or buy Shaw dinner for a change (there’s been a time or 12 where he’s picked up the tab, along with most of my other friends here). Or join a gym (I’m getting a little tired of walking…and I can’t do the jogging thing). Or buy that beautiful dress at Hannah (this really trendy place on the Boulder Pearl Street Mall…actually, going any kind of shopping in general). You see the restraint I will have to exercise? It’s like saying, “Okay Dana, here’s your Harry Potter book, now only read the first 100 pages.” Yeah right. I barely slept.

On to other things. My weekend of Harry Potter reading and Renaissance Festivaling was good. Relaxing and fun. Last night I went to the Rockies game with Shaw, Lynon, Ant, and Will (S & L’s art school friend). The best part was probably the beer we had in the Irish Pub just outside Coors Field during the first 4 innings. Although the Rockies rallied in the 5th inning, they couldn’t bring off a win, which means my streak isn’t broken (I’ve never been to a winning Rockies game, at least not that I remember). It also rained on us a little bit, but I managed to lean back far enough and mooch a some shelter from the umbrella holders in the seats behind us.

This weekend should be fun as well. My dad’s birthday is Saturday, so we’ll be going to the Titanic exhibit at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science and getting Famous Dave’s for dinner (a favorite of mine from Iowa, so I’m glad they’re here now too).

If it's good enough for an ostrich...

2007-07-15T15:46:00.000-06:00

After my interview a few weeks ago, an interesting thing happened. Some of my feelings of inadequacy disappeared (I mean, I did have an interview after all) and I started waking up at normal times (you know 8:30 as opposed to 5:30). It seemed that my internal clock was ready to take a break from the stress.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been applying to too many jobs since the interview. Why not, might you ask? Procrastination is a tactic of avoidance (most of the time). I have been so frustrated that I decided to just not think about my lack of job. If I didn’t focus on it, it couldn’t stress me out. Besides, I’d had one interview; another was bound to come along. HA!

So for the past few weeks I’ve been obsessively reading Harry Potter (in preparation for book 7, which comes out on the 21st) and I think that it’s safe to say (just as has happened to me in other instances where I turn to an obsession to avoid thinking about something unpleasant), I’ve lost a bit of my touch with reality. I haven’t been answering my emails. I have been avoiding my friends. I have been staying at home like recluse (granted that this can partially be attributed to my very depressed bank account and the realization that it is indeed quite expensive to drive to Boulder and go out), and reading Harry Potter.

Now I am consumed with Harry Potter mania, and yes, if you have occasion to ask, I’ve seen the fifth movie and I LOVED it. Let me just tell you that this is not the response I usually have to the Harry Potter movies, but this one was so wonderful. Why you ask? Because it was able to translate the main ideas and themes without leaving anything too important by the wayside. This has been a struggle for past movies (Prisoner of Azkaban especially). Order of the Phoenix does leave many things out (how could it not from a 870 page book) but the ideas and the personalities of the characters seem fairly faithful.

Rhonda’s coming to visit this weekend and I’m very excited to see her. A part of me wonders how I’m going to balance my obsessive HP insanity with a weekend of Colorado fun, but I’m sure it will work out alright in the end. I’m planning on taking her to the Renaissance Festival on Saturday and there is definitely going to be a little hiking trip somewhere in there. Fellow Coloradans…any suggestions about what essentials a trip here might contain?

And just incase you’re worried about me (you know, with my whole out of touch with reality thing), not to worry. The past two days have seen my applying to a slew of new jobs, more Harry Potter reading, and rejoice! My insomnia is back! This morning I woke up at 3:30 and could not get back to sleep. Still, my life feels a little better. My room has been a cave of filth and negativity but yesterday it became happy again (cleaned, vacuumed, graced with new sheets). And I’m even contemplating answering my email. So if I haven’t written you back, fear not, I’m alive and trying to overcome my bum instincts and a rather nasty cold…perhaps it’s all for the best that I didn’t go out this weekend.

I'd go the whole wide world...

2007-06-26T20:41:00.000-06:00

There’s nothing quite like dance therapy to pull you out of bad mood. Specifically exuberant air guitar. Highly recommended for getting self out of funk.

I had a job interview today, which went…okay. This is the interview to follow up the super-awesome phone interview I had the other day. I realized today, though, that a part of me was settling for a job that wasn’t even remotely in the direction I want to go. If I took this job, I’d be doing purely business. No room for the creative mind. The good news: at least I got some interview practice and I looked pretty darn snazzy in my black suit.

So tomorrow things are back to usual.
Plasma donating (can’t go quitting this one until I definitely have a job)
Job applying (and if there isn’t any layout work involved, I’m not even going to attempt it! I do like having the excuse of getting out of the house for this one. The Internet connection is slow here, so I get to convince myself that it would be rude to be at Panera and not at least buy a yummy hot peach tea).
Errand running (I think I’ll mosey over to LNT for a long overdue “howdoyoudo” and perhaps I’ll even pop in to the mall. But popping and people watching is all I will be doing. No spending. No. I said no! But I can fantasize about all the stuff I can’t afford at Apple. Especially programs).
Socializing(Tomorrow I’ll be spending the evening hanging out with Nate, who is a good influence in my life. He doesn’t let me get too down on myself and I, in turn, try to be a good listener as well).

And now…back to the air guitar and Wreckless Eric

When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
There's only one girl in the world for you
And she probably lives in Tahiti

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her

Or maybe she's in the Bahamas
Where the Carribean sea is blue
Weeping in a tropical moonlit night
Because nobody's told her 'bout you

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her

Why am I hanging around in the rain out here
Trying to pick up a girl
Why are my eyes filling up with these lonely tears
When there're girls all over the world

Is she lying on a tropical beach somewhere
Underneath the tropical sun
Pining away in a heatwave there
Hoping that I won't be long

I should be lying on that sun-soaked beach with her
Caressing her warm brown skin
And then in a year or maybe not quite
We'll be sharing the same next of kin

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her

Follow up

2007-06-21T15:16:00.000-06:00

Thanks to all my well-wishers (verbal and otherwise). I just had my phone interview and I think it went very well. I should be hearing from the office director early next week for an in person interview, and if that goes well, Dana has a job! EEEEEEE! I’m sorry, there’s just too much excitement to be contained. I'd be working as a recruiter (meaning I'd find potential candidates for a job and interview ones I think would be a good fit. I also get to take my contract clients out to lunch and get paid commission for all people I find a position for who end up working out). Shaw says I’d go power-hungry. I’m just giddy about a job with so much interaction. I don’t want to get ahead of myself because I might not get it after the face-to-face interview, but I can’t help being excited right now. Plus when the commission is taken into consideration, I’d be making more than I thought. Lalalala. Too much energy!

So, in other news: I went for my second plasma donation today. The technician didn’t seem to want to stick my right arm (“my those are some puny veins”) so she stuck my left arm again. I think I’m just going to have to use lefty from now on. The girl next to me said that she always uses the same arm and that after a while it hurts a lot less because of the build up of scar tissue. I don’t know why I found this information to be disconcerting. However, no other problems and I walked out with my cash just happy as a clam.

I’m heading to the Springs tomorrow to hang out with C-boo and do fun stuff. Later in the weekend will involve a rendezvous with Kerry (perhaps some swimming). Okay, time to bounce off some more walls!

Interview!

2007-06-20T19:51:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I have a phone interview! For a job that I wasn’t remotely looking for, but I have to admit I’m still pretty excited about it. I’ll tell you more about it if I get the job but it’s in south Denver (a nice distance between all the places I want to go: parents, Boulder, and C. Springs) and it sounds like it won’t be the type of job where I’ll be bored (lots to do). The pay is a little lower than I would necessarily choose, but I’ll be working with a younger group of people and that’s a bonus too. I think not having a job is just allowing me to be a person who doesn’t feel like she’s in control of her life and I’m ready for that phase to end.

Plasma Donation: Successful

2007-06-19T21:04:00.000-06:00

And seriously I had to set a new record for the longest time spent inside the donation building.

I show up at 1:10 (slightly early for my appointment) and fill out paper work and read all about how if I have engaged in any high risk behaviors that would make me more likely to contract HIV, I can’t donate (no, I am pretty sure I have not had sex for money or drugs since 1977). I do a little cha-cha, sidling up to the front desk no less than 5 times as the nurse keeps calling me up to ask me random questions.

At 1:30 I’m called into a little room with the nurse and she pricks my finger to test my blood (oh, you did good, she says, most of the guys I do that do get all jumpy; The think that’s the worst part). Then she proceeds to ask me a series of questions in the fastest voice I have heard. Such as, have you had any piercings, tattoos, acupuncture, blood transfusion, anti-coagulants, intravenous illegal drugs, or clubbed a baby seal in the past twelve months? (I was forcibly reminded of Mitch Hedburg: “I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?") I answered 8 of these all-encapsulating yes/no questions in the span of what felt like a minute (I even screwed up on the one about are you taking any medication because she was going so fast I thought she was asking me about specific medications, not including these specific medications). Just as the question sprint ends, her nurse friend pushes open the door to our little room.

My nurse: What were the results?
(Dana thinks: Why are they discussing another patient in front of me? Have they had time to do anything to me that they could even test? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?)
New nurse: I didn’t even have to wait for a minute
My nurse: So it’s pink?
New nurse: Yeah, it’s a pink line.
My nurse: Go get it, I want to see it. Oh, I’m so excited.
New nurse: Don’t be excited. I left it in the bathroom, you go get it. You have gloves on.
(Dana thinks: Ohhhh)

So after new nurse departs (and BTW she did come back before I left the room to show my nurse that indeed the little stick says she’s pregnant), I get shuttled back out into the waiting room. Another nurse peers out at me from an office and says, okay, I’ll be with you in a minute. She’s sitting with a couple of other nurses and as far as I can tell they’re on break. They don’t appear to be doing anything too official, but I wait patiently, reading my book, and feeling nervous.

By the time I’m called into the office it’s around 2:20. The guy examining me (I don’t think he’s a nurse, but I don’t think he was a doctor either. Somewhere in between?) goes through the entire binder of information I’d just read in the waiting room. Then asks me many questions (no, I have not been incarcerated for longer than 72 hours. Ever. No, not in the past 12 months either). After a brief physical exam (man, I do miss those reflex texts) I’m ushered back out into the waiting room.

My in between fellow tells me I’m going to need to give so-and-so my name and last four of my social when I’m called. Good thing he told me. There is a woman standing at the counter calling out names. People then shout back. (Craig? and then from along my row Craig Adams, 3452. It was like a secret code.

3:00. I’m herded into the plasma donation room (really just separated from the waiting room by a short hallway). There are blue beds shaped like stretched out “U”s and mine is damp and smells like cleaning fluid. Before they usher you to a bed, they ask which arm. I don’t know, right I guess. My technician does not like my right arm (darn vein is on the side!) but apparently my left arm has a nice “juicy” one right in the middle (he really did say that). He assures me that he’ll explain everything as it goes along.

Since it’s my first time, they have to draw a few vials of blood to be tested (you know, in case I was lying about my high-risk behavior or I have too much iron in my blood). This is by far my least favorite part. He makes me “pump” my hand (imagine squeezing your hand around an imaginary rubber ball you’re holding) while the pressure cuff tightens around your arm to get that pretty vein to pop up. I make a fist as he inserts a needle (this is still not the part I really hate) and the pressure keeps building up in my arm. My fingers start to tingle and are quickly going numb. These vials are filling at what seems a snail’s pace and it feels like my arm is a pipe with a kink in it with all that pressure building up (um, are my fingers supposed to be tingling? I ask with some trepidation. Yeah, don’t worry, that’s totally normal and that feeling will go away when your we start the procees).

Finally at 3:20, blood drawn, he unclamps my tubing that leads to the plasma separator machine (so not the technical term). While my blood is flowing into the machine, I have to keep pumping my hand (fortunately he gave me something to squeeze. I thought at first it was a green foam ball. No, actually, it was a green foam heart. Hehe). This actually hurts a little, but mostly because he keeps telling me I need to squeeze my hand harder and faster and my arm is a bit pathetic (it is lefty after all). While the blood is going in, it is sent through a centrifuge and separated. The plasma goes into a large plastic bottle down below and the red blood cells are sent to a container to wait (hang out, shoot the shit, discover how sucky it is not to be swishing around my circulatory system). After the container has about a cup of my blood, it’s mixed with an anti-coagulant and sent back into the body (this feels a little weird but I get to relax my hand (no pumping!)). This process occurs around 10 times. The guy sitting next to me is nice; knowing it is my first time he periodically offers comforting advice. The strangest thing he says, though, is yeah, they treat you like a VIP when it’s your first time, putting you at the top of the line, but then when you get to the best part they make you wait (where was my VIP experience and what the heck kind of waiting was he talking about? I of course don’t ask but just laugh politely).

A little after 4:00 (fortunately, my veins are not free thinkers like Rob’s; see comments from last post) my bottle is full (well, fullish. I’m in the lowest weight class, so they don’t take as much from me as some of the bigger guys sitting around me). A new operator comes over and quickly takes me needle out (that’s it?). Then she says: wait here. She comes back with a juice pouch and crackers. I’ve seen about 5 people get up after their donation was complete. No juice and crackers. Since it’s your first time, I want you to sit up slowly and eat the crackers, drink the juice, and wait to make sure you don’t feel dizzy before you stand. And all I wanted to do was get paid! I didn’t feel dizzy, but I enjoyed my snack, kicking my legs like a little kid. I went up to the cashier window and after signing (7th signature of the day) was unceremoniously handed 35 dollars cash. Yay!

Wake up call...it's 4 a.m. (actual representation may vary)

2007-06-18T15:02:00.000-06:00

This may not sound like the best time to wake up, and indeed, it isn’t high on my list of things to do. Why, may you ask (and too bad if you didn’t) am I getting up so early, at least an hour before the sun? I have an alarm better than any machine: beginning-of-the-week anxiety. It’s a special and rare breed, guilty for similar insomnia in my days as a grad student (what? I have 2 research papers due plus 25 papers to grade and I’m supposed to be defending my creative component when? And I have no direction in my life? And I’m a dirty, dirty, ahem…well, you get the point, messy apartment and whatnot). And so, at the beginning of my week, like clockwork, between 3:45 and 4:15 I’ve been waking up in a panic. An OMG I just frittered away my weekend, two days gone without job searching (perhaps more if I’m being really honest…I sort of lose my focus by the end of the week), and I don’t have a job!

I’m beginning to wonder if there is a step I’m missing in the job search job (because, trust me, this is a job, they (whomever they might be) just don’t pay you for it). But because “they” don’t pay me for this audience analysis (because, really, a cover letter is just about that…examining the employer and deciding what lingo might grant you the serenity of an interview), I’ve come up with a new plan to mitigate my dwindling savings. I had this idea before, but never manage to pull it off (darn ladybug).

When I was strapped for cash as a grad student, it was suggested to me that I sell my plasma. There was a center in Ames and if you go as often as they’ll let you, you can make around $200 a month (at least, that was the going rate in IA). I was a little apprehensive about donating, but I went, despite my feeling of foreboding. However, after a few visits (bad scheduling conflicts), I’d only gotten to the interview portion of the session (no plasma even taken yet) and I was asked the question: do you have any tattoos? There may, perhaps be a ladybug on my ankle…slight possibility. She wanted to know how old it was. Only 8 months? Gosh, sorry, you have to wait a year after getting a tattoo before donating. I was remonstrated several times for my idiocy (lie, lie, and lie some more) but in my defense, I didn’t know why they were asking the question (although I might have been able to deduce where they were going with it if I’d been a little less nervous and therefore focused). So, my money troubles passed me by (sort of, I mean, after all I was a poor graduate student living for my school loans) and I never went back to the clinic.

But here I am, yet again, bleeding numbers out of my bank account (a pun that bad can’t be intentional, but don’t put anything past my subconscious). Although the donations (if I donate as often as possible) only grant me enough to cover my car expenses each month (my last tank of gas: $42.00. Despite the coolness of the number, I still was not, surprisingly, jumping up and down with glee), that’s still even more time I can last on my savings before I’m forced to admit defeat (read: I’m never getting a good job and will be forced to work retail and donate plasma for eternity; outlook not good).

So tomorrow, for the first time (assuming nothing goes wrong, but I have a good feeling about this one), I’ll be hooked up to a machine that takes out a ton of my blood, filters out the plasma and puts the rest of the crap back in (but that’s cool, I hear red blood cells are pretty nifty and don’t get me started on those white ones). 1:20. Tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll have something boring to say about it then, too.

I’m breezy!

I'm still alive, I promise...

2007-06-13T19:05:00.000-06:00

Just what have I been up to? This and that. Let me break it down for you:

Job: nada (not even an interview, despite my efforts)
My own place to live: nada (still living with the parents, as I find it would be somewhat silly of me to move out before I have a job and all)
Love life: nada (I should probably get the first two in this little list, although…well, life doesn’t wait for you to get everything in order)
Social life: not too shabby (might as well embrace and enjoy this before I have a job that takes up all my time and energy).

Since being home, I’ve been hiking a few times (once with Andrea, who came to visit all the way from San Diego) and this past weekend I went to Rhonda’s wedding. Definitely one of the best weddings I’ve been to (outside, good weather, nice reception: in an Irish Pub and open bar on top of that).

I flew into Detroit on Saturday, looking forward to seeing not only Rhonda, but Steph as well. Steph was to be driving in from Iowa, but when my plane landed, I had a depressing message from Rhonda. Steph’s car had broken down and she wasn’t going to be able to make it. I’ll admit I felt: a) Bad for Steph and b) Bad for myself (yeah, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’d really been looking forward to seeing her; not to mention that she was the only other person that I knew well at the wedding. She was practically my date, and now I was going to have to make small talk with strangers…not my forte). After getting slightly lost in the airport, I managed to find Rhonda and we headed off to dinner with her pastor and his wife. Later we hung out at Rhonda’s with Beth (her sister) and Michelle (Beth’s friend and Rhonda’s wedding hair stylist). I didn’t sleep well and was up and reading at about 5:45 a.m. (3:45 CO time).

Rhonda’s parents took us out to breakfast and then the getting ready commenced. Rhonda looked absolutely beautiful (you can see for yourself in the pictures posted here). The wedding was great. I was seated with a couple of Rhonda’s friends that I’d met the last time I was in MI and ended up having plenty to talk about. After the reception (and many Strongbows on my part) we headed to Greektown for Greek food.

It seems to hold true that the weekend you’re out of town, you get more phone calls than ever to hang out with people, but c’est la vie. Now I’m back to my usual routine (looking for a job, walking and hiking, trying not to go stir crazy).

Sneaky Spearmint

2007-05-26T13:03:00.000-06:00

A few years ago, in a life more ordinary, I spent the summer of 2001 working in the garden center at the local Wal-Mart. Working for this company was one of my least favorite jobs to be sure (partially because I got stuck in the toy department at Christmas time) but there were times I did like working in the garden center. These times were those when I got to be outside watering the plants, or restocking them. I was the only girl working in the garden center (other than the manager) and when the summer business picked up, guess who got stuck inside working the register? They didn’t even try to hide their horribly sexist motives. I wasn’t strong enough to assemble the outdoor equipment (anything from grills to swing sets) and they found someone else to water the plants. His name was Rudy (I think, and for all intents and purposes, that is what I’m going to call him). He was Hispanic and his English was not bad. He had a strong accent and I liked being on break with him and Shaw because he would talk about Mexico (Shaw also worked at Wal-Mart, although his years of servitude extended way beyond my own. Peter also worked there for a while—they both pushed carts—we all got jobs in a big hiring spree). At any rate, it seemed Rudy was exempt from register duty and it fell to me.

There were other interesting things about the job, though. I hated working the register. If it was dead, I was bored. If it was busy, I was depressed. I can’t explain this; it is just being constantly reminded how small-town my home town is. However, occasionally I got to help unload plants off of special-delivery trucks. I was not especially fond of the cactus. These were large plants, for the most part. Three feet tall on average. They were wrapped with thin brown paper and although that helped, one wrong move and you had a hand fully of needles. I of course dropped one on my leg. I could write many blog posts on my clumsiness. But that’s not what this one is about. This post (although you may not see how, yet) is about spearmint.

About halfway through the summer we got in a new shipment of herbs and my manager wanted to throw away the old ones. They were indeed dying and a sad state to behold. I felt bad for said herbs and decided to rescue them (I ended up buying them for pennies apiece). There was a lot of spearmint, some lemon thyme, and a few other little delights. I brought them home, extremely excited. I figured my parents could plant them in their garden. How great would an herb garden be? My mom was a little less excited than me. Although she was happy to have some of the herbs, she refused to plant the spearmint. Apparently, spearmint is less innocent herb and more aggressive weed. It takes over anywhere you plant it. I even suggested planting it in the field behind our house (still their property) where not much grows except a few trees she’s planted and some weeds, but she would have none of it. In the end, I talked her into putting the herbs into one of her whiskey barrels (she has a few whiskey barrels cut in half that she plants every year with new annuals). Every year the spearmint came back in that barrel, and every year it was fuller and more beautiful than the last year. It quickly took over the barrel. The leaves smelled wonderful and fresh when crushed and the plant produced little white flowers that bees really liked. It was like a chia pet.

Can you guess what happened to the spearmint? It continued to grow until the roots had intertwined so much in the barrel that it started to strangle itself. The spearmint killed itself off because it had nowhere else to go. My mom could barely get a shovel into the pot to dig out the roots. But it’s a new year. A new summer. And she has just planted a new little spearmint plant right in the center of the pot. It looks so innocent. Ha.

Looks good in Boulder

2007-05-19T17:49:00.000-06:00

Well, sure, I don’t have a job (yet). But, I’m tired of being mopey. Yesterday I met up with C-boo (Carrie) and Puff Daddy (her little Pomeranian) in Boulder to kick off a good weekend.

Puffy spend most of the time on a leash. He had hip surgery about five weeks ago and still limps a little. Carrie warned me that people in Boulder occasionally come up to her to let her know that he’s limping, which I guess is sort of sweet. Sort of funny. We had lunch at Chipotle (there’s an outdoor patio so Puffy could be there too) and then we walked around the Pearl Street Mall. We’d been strolling down the pedestrian mall for about five minutes when we hear…

Strange woman: Excuse me, I don’t mean to be an annoying dog person, but do you know that your dog is limping?

Carrie explains the situation and we walk away trying not to laugh. The rest of the day we catch the Hop (a bus) to the Hill (Campus Town), each some ice cream (I had Chai, which made me feel really Boulder-esque), and stroll through campus. As we are walking through campus we passed Mackey Auditorium. Carrie giggles. Does that look familiar? she asks.

Flashback: Three years ago, for my 22nd birthday, my friends decided to surprise me with a themed party (I find this especially sweet, even in hindsight because I love surprises). This wasn’t just any themed party, though. At the time I was in the height of my Alias obsession. They decided to actually send me on a “mission” that led me through campus. It ended with me being captured and taken up to the tower of Mackey auditorium to be interrogated (I made several unsuccessful escape attempts, was bound to a chair, and I definitely remember being threatened with a tube of toothpaste at one point). I was then strong-armed into Carrie’s car and driven back to our house on 30th. I also found out when we arrived home that the other members of my team, Tyler and Dos, had most uncomfortably shared a trunk ride home together. Oh the fun and nerdyness of it all.

After our stroll through campus, we walked back down to Pearl Street. It was a little windy and although I was wearing an especially billowy skirt, I thought I’d be safe. No no. Along comes a gust of wind and whoosh! my skirt blows all the way up in the back. I’m sure all of Broadway got a good look. The rest of the walk back was a struggle. Me holding my skirt (I had several more near misses) and my purse and glaring angrily at the stray breezes being blown by busses driving quickly by.

On the way back to our cars, Carrie mentioned that she had plans to have dinner with Ben (a friend of hers from undergrad, whom she met through one of her sign language courses) later in the evening. Although she asked me to come, I was already planning on going to an exhibit in Denver featuring one each of Shaw’s and Lynon’s pieces and had to decline. However, when we finally got back to Pearl she pointed out that there was a lot of time to kill between 3:30 and 7:00 so I followed her Northeast to his apartment in Gunbarrel. It was nice to see Ben again (quite frankly, it’s nice to feel comfortable in Colorado again and see old friends) and after a couple hours of fun conversation, apple juice drinking, You Tube watching, and Friends quoting, I headed back to Boulder to catch a ride to the Illustrator’s show with Shaw and Lynon.

We had some BBQ (okay, not as good as Battle’s, but I’m on the lookout for good joints now that Iowa has given me a penchant for this fine cuisine) in Denver. Kerry met us at the show. While the boys schmoozed it up with old teachers and fellow artists, Kerry and I reminisced, chatted, and discussed the various (and very interesting) art pieces. As we were leaving we picked up another art school friend, Colan (the Irish spelling) and hit the LoDo bar scene (Lower Downtown Denver historic district for the uneducated). We started at a bar called Double Daughters. I wouldn’t describe the place as goth, but it had a nice Tim Burton feel to it. There were black wire tree frames filled with white twinkle lights and wrapped with black gauze and splashes of red throughout the bar (the circular booths with thorn like triangle backs and what looked like a giant vial of lethal ruby liquid that they keep on tap--seventeen ingredients).

After leaving DD, we wandered around Denver a little bit before we settling on a pub-ish place. That finished off the bar portion of the evening and after dropping Colan (Kerry and I ran up to use the restroom and I stunned Colan with my nerdyness by recognizing his life-sized cutout of Boba Fett), the remaining four of us ended up back in Boulder and after some tasty guacamole, I snagged a place on the couch.

After a slow start this morning the four of us went to Pearl Street for some Chipotle. I was still wearing my same t-shirt and blustery skirt from the day before, but I had no other clothes to change into and it was just a quick lunch. That quick lunch turned into more chatting and walking along Pearl. We poked our heads into a few shops, listened to various street performers, and enjoyed the nice weather and smell of incense. We also ran into Ben who was sure to point out that I was indeed wearing the same outfit from the day before and perhaps I was in need of a shower (too true). After more meandering, my decadent lazy day in Boulder was done. I was feeling happy and at home. I was starting to feel like I belonged in Boulder.

Shaw said something in the car ride home that really stayed with me. You know what really bugs me? After you graduate with a degree, it seems like people expect you to fall right into a good career, a decent and applicable job. And you know what, it just doesn’t happen that way. Although this is somewhat paraphrased, these wise words really speak to something so true. I’m tired of feeling like there’s this expectation.

Where's Dana?

2007-05-15T13:23:00.000-06:00

This could be a bit like Where’s Waldo. Tis true, I’ve been a bit absent. The last couple of weeks have been a little difficult.

Two weeks ago I was stressing about the end of the semester (sure, it was almost over, but I still had to get everything done). While I was grading papers and finishing up my own coursework, I was also packing up my apartment. Most of the furniture in the apartment belonged to me (read: everything except what was in Kate’s room). I’ve been talking for weeks, months even, about how excited I was to move back home to Colorado. But as the deadline loomed, my excitement waned. I was moving back home without a job and I was moving back in with my parents. Not that I’m not grateful to have a place to live; I even like living with my parents. It’s just that I so want to lead my own life, have my own apartment, my own job. I’ve never lived on my own. I’d like my life to be fast forwarded a few months from now. Hopefully things will feel more complete.

In the week before I moved, I got a phone call from a business in Denver to schedule an interview for a technical writer position. The HR department wanted to schedule the interview for Friday (I’d still be in Iowa) or Monday (I’d be driving home for most of the day). Since neither day would work for me, I was asked to call on Monday to schedule an interview for later in the week. It was nice having a little hope.

So, a little over a week ago, my Ames apartment was virtually empty, and I had to say goodbye to my Iowa friends and my Iowa life. After looking forward to this move for so long, I felt just…depressed.

I said goodbye to my friends (I miss you all) and drove home on Sunday. I hit a bad thunderstorm in Omaha and spent a restless night in Lincoln at my Grandmother’s. I left early on Monday and drove home. Exhausted. Dana the Zombie. My dad had driven all the way home on Sunday. By the time I got to Colorado, he’d unloaded all the boxes from the truck (thanks, Daddy!). We finished up with the furniture. I called to schedule an interview and had to leave a message.

The rest of the week I spent unpacking boxes and setting up my room. I was still in my workaholic mode from the end of the semester and really didn’t take much time to relax until this past weekend. It was a difficult week. I missed my friends, and wasn’t sleeping well. I finally got a hold of the HR department for the tech writer position only to find out that by Monday, they had already scheduled so many interviews that they didn’t want to schedule just one more.

Thursday night Shaw stopped by and had dinner with my family. Friday I went up to Boulder. Shaw and I went kayaking (in an inflatable kayak, on a lake…completely lazy and relaxing). Then we went out for drinks with his roommate, Lynon (the bar we went to had a fabulous happy hour, bottomless glass of wine for two hours…mmm). It was a good night. Too much wine and a little flirting and I wake up with an awful hangover (I blame the wine—wine always gives me a bad headache—and the altitude, which I’m not really used to yet).

Saturday night was the first good night sleep I’ve gotten in well over a month. I’d weaned myself off my caffeine addiction (somewhat), gotten to see some Colorado friends, and finally felt somewhat at home.

So now I feel a little bit more whole. Today I start the job search all over.

Beautiful Birthday

2007-05-01T15:16:00.000-06:00

Alright, so I haven’t posted in a few days, and that means that I haven’t posted about my birthday. Twas a fun weekend and that’s all there is to it (well, okay, no not really)

Saturday
Steph and Krystal have a gypsy themed graduation partay. Lethal sangria (three glasses and I was toasted for the duration of the evening). Pictures can be found here.

Sunday
My birthday. A phone call wakes me up at 7:20 (I’d been asleep for about 3. 5 hours at that point). I drive over to Rhonda’s to take her to her car (still parked at S&K’s) and stay to help the girls and remaining guests clean. I’m rewarded with tasty egg-bake. I go home, clean my room a little, talk to my family. It is the most beautiful spring day. Steph and Rhonda come over. Saj makes us smoothies (for those who don’t know, saj = Stephane Anne Jennings = Steph). The day progresses to a trip to the arboretum and ends with steaks on the grill. Mmm. I make apple crumble for my “cake” (this is actually what I usually have for my cake because too much actual cake makes me feel sick…it’s too rich).

Monday
Most of the birthday fun is over by this point and I do some homework and see my students for the very last time. Tear. However, I do spend the evening with Betsey and George and they take me out for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (where I have the tiramisu, but not cheesecake…too rich!).

Thanks to all the birthday well wishers (assorted messages on Facebook, text messages, and phone calls). It was all appreciated.

The dream and procrastination of the weekend is now over. I’m back to waking up with anxiety and spend my days doing homework and packing (unfortunately not enough packing because too much homework still left to do).

What happened to Daphne...

2007-04-25T15:44:00.000-06:00

It was pouring rain as I drove to work this afternoon (as a point of fact, it’s been pouring rain off an on for a couple of days now). Not good driving weather, I’m sure most would agree. As I was getting closer to Des Moines, I was coming up over a hill on the Interstate, and BRAKE! Cars in front of me start braking quickly. I brake quickly and although I don’t even come close to hitting the car in front of me, the experience sends adrenaline through my body. I don’t even know why cars are braking at this point, but I see Daphne in my head.

Daphne was my first car. She was a faithful 1995 Ford Escort. White paint, blue interior. She looked like the stereotype of a poor college student’s car. Not too run down, but clearly not posh or stylish. I purchased her at the end of my Freshman year, at the age of 19 (incidentally, this is also around the time I got my driver’s license. Actually, to be more exact, I got my license one month before my 19th birthday. Why did I wait so long? Bad coincidences. Laziness. Lack of car. Now that I could afford a car, it seemed the time to get the license to drive it. Also a fun fact: I got my drivers license exactly a week before my sister did. My three-years-younger sister. Phew…end parenthetical). She was a good car, in as far as the fact that she usually ran. However, there always seemed to be something wrong with her and after owning her for 2.5 years I had spent well over what I’d paid for her on repairs alone (my favorite was the incident involving me replacing the engine). None of the reasons for these repairs were my fault, but they did seem rather extraneous or just plain odd (in the first few months I had the car I had at least three flat tires), and the only good thing seemed to be that I have low car insurance.

Flashback to December 19, 2003
It’s a much nicer day than the current one. Although it’s winter, it isn’t too cold out. High 40s. Maybe even 50. I live in Boulder but I’m visiting my parents (they only live about 35 minutes away). I leave the house to go to work (Linens-N-Things). The sun is shining and I think about taking off my coat. I imagine I will be too hot in the car without it, but I leave in on anyway (laziness). I place my cell phone in my lap (as is my ritual). I’m especially dreading work as I drive. And, for the first time in my life, I miss the exit to get on to the correct Highway. I’m still on the darn Interstate. Cursing my foolishness, I take the next exit. I turn around and am heading back in the right direction on the Interstate. I come over a hill and…BRAKE! Cars are breaking in front of me and I know there is no way I’m going to be able to stop in time. I brake, glance over my left shoulder, and swerve, trying to avoid hitting the car in front of me. Crunch! I clip the back left portion of the SUV’s bumper, but I feel my body release a little tension. Then the unexpected happens. It feels like time just stops, but really it can’t have. The truck behind me rams into the back of my car, spinning my 180 degrees. He then hits the SUV, I clipped, pushing her into the car in front of her. I’m in shock and don’t know how to react. I don’t really have any injuries. My heavy coat spared me the chest/seatbelt bruise. I don’t even develop whiplash later. Cars are slowing down across the 4 lane interstate, gawking at me and I can hear their Man, that sucks. My arm is a little bruised because I instinctively put it up to protect my face when my airbag deployed. I have a small cut on my hand (which I don’t notice until later when a fireman points it out. Adrenaline can do crazy things). The front of my car doesn’t look too hot, but the back is by far much worse. My laundry basket that was in the trunk/hatchback is now in the back seat and my rear window is shattered (as a side note, although it severely cracked and has actually cut me a few times, I refuse to throw that laundry basket away, much to my mother’s chagrin. I don’t know why I keep holding on to it. Right now it’s sitting in the bottom of my linen closet and is perfect for my dirty towels). No one is really hurt from the accident. Police cars show up eventually. My officer tells me that it’s probably a good thing I swerved (despite the unfortunate fact that I hit the car in front of me, for which I naturally got a ticket), because otherwise my car would have been crushed between the truck and the SUV. Daphne looks sad and pathetic. She’s leaking radiator fluid, the radio is still playing, and for some reason the windshield wipers are going as she’s hauled onto the tow truck. I manage to get most my belongings out of her, finding my cell phone under the driver’s seat with the battery disconnected. A few days later, after assessing the damage, the insurance company determines that the car is “totaled.” My dad and I go to get the rest of my belongings out of her. I don’t like the impound lot she’s in. It is cold and has snowed since the accident. It is a place where cars go to die.

Today
So, usually when I’m in a car and someone slams on the brakes (me and others) I get a rush of adrenaline. Today, nothing new, but I remembered so vividly my white car facing the wrong direction of traffic, very close to the Interstate median. As I’m inching along in traffic, I see a sign cautioning cars to get over due to an accident. An ambulance streaks by. I come around a bend in the Interstate and see ambulances, fire trucks, and a white car. It’s facing the wrong direction of traffic and its rear end is up against the median.

Michigan Trip

2007-04-21T14:39:00.000-06:00

Day 1
We arrive in MI around 4:30. After dropping our luggage off at Rhonda’s fiancé’s, we head to vine2wine to bottle wine. Rhonda had selected wine months ago, which has been fermenting, waiting for her. She also brought along a few bottles of sparking cranberry juice so she could put custom labels on them. Surprise, surprise, I managed to drop one of the bottles of juice right when we got out of the car. We learned a little about tasting wine, swirling it, eating the right crackers to clean your palate, and of course, bottling.

After this fun evening we were too tipsy (hmmm, funny how that works) to drive anywhere, so we walked down the street to a bar called the Wagon Wheel. It was dark and smoky. We drank light beer. I ate a tasty burger. I spilled at least two glasses of beer (I was definitely having a clumsy day, not helped by the fact that I was exhausted from getting up early and not really making up for the lack of sleep in the car…lots of dozing but no real sleeping). I also sang a little karoke, which I haven’t done in a while and had a grand time.

After we got home, we relaxed in the hot tub for a while before I finally managed to pass out in a bed.

Day 2
I wake up at a lazy 10:30 (this is less impressive if I consider my body is still on Iowa time and sleeping until 9:30 does not at all sound like catching up on sleep). After helping Rhonda with invitation things (stamp placing, envelop licking, direction writing), she, Steph, and I head out for a greasy lunch (Kerby’s Coney Island…mmm, chili cheese fries) and errand running.

In the evening we drive into Detroit with a couple of Rhonda’s friends. We have dinner at Union Station and words can’t quite do justice to this meal. Although the thought of my Salmon Tortellini (Salmon on a bed of tortellini, shitake mushrooms, artichoke hearts, capers and a mustard crème sauce) still makes my mouth water, the orgasmic moment of the evening came with the dessert. I don’t usually order desert in restaurants (I’m a poor graduate student after all), but being on vacation, Saj and I felt dinner was appropriate. We each ordered coffee (I’m not a big coffee drinker, but it sounded so wonderful at that moment) and split the alpine chocolate torte (a soft chocolate torte layered with a light white cream and topped with white chocolate). The coffee had a faint cinnamon taste and the combination was so good I almost cried. Even though we were admonished for taking so long to eat our desert, I just couldn’t help but savor it (my personal favorite moment was when a sip of coffee melted the white chocolate still lingering in my mouth).

Day 3 and 4
I don’t have much to report about the rest of the trip. I graded a few papers. We drove home. I had dinner with Rob for the first time in about 5 months (this went well, by the way. Yes, it was a little weird, but…I think we are actually on the way to being friends).

Check out my Michigan Trip album for more pictures.

Michigan and me

2007-04-20T00:10:00.000-06:00

I’m very tired. Exhausted. I’m getting up in approximately 5 hours to drive to Michigan with Rhonda and Saj. What? I didn’t tell you I was going to Michigan for the weekend to help Rhonda with wedding stuff? Oops. I’ll keep you updated.

My week is bipolar

2007-04-18T06:25:00.000-06:00

Why, might you ask, am I posting in the wee small hours of the morning? Good question. My lovely friend insomnia has taken hold. However, I’ve already done a post about this horrible affliction, so no need to beat a dead horse (by the way I seriously contemplated the spelling of “beat” and “horse” just now; or is that “beet” and “hoarse”?). Suffice it to say, I woke up at 3:30 this morning for no apparent reason other than the fact that my anxiety must hate me and finally gave up trying to go back to sleep at around 4:30. As annoying as it is not being able to fall back asleep, it’s more annoying lying there thinking of all the things I could be doings. So, I got up and graded a few papers.

*pats self on back*

What’s going to be interesting is the rest of the day. Do I caffinate a lot to avoid the inevitable nap I’m going to want to take or do I give in and risk being groggy and mad that I didn’t get more done? After my oral defense was over, I was hoping to alleviate the stress level a little and feel a bit more freedom. Unfortunately, I feel very apathetic about the work I have left to do at the end here. Apathetic and stressed. Interesting combination, I know. I have a 20 page paper due for one of my classes and as much as I don’t want to do the paper, I also don’t want to turn something in that disappoints the professor. Sure, I may never talk to him again, but he’s one of my favorites here and what he thinks still matters to me. The problem is that what I really want to do is spend time with my friends while I’m still in Iowa. If you pop over to Rhonda’s blog, you’d see that I had a great Saturday, and many of my other days are no less fun. Getting to hang out with these people matters to me. It’s pretty much a guarantee that I’ll graduate, but I have to actually finish everything first (you know, giant paper, grading essays, plans for world domination—that type of thing).

So far this week has been fairly uneventful, aside from the 1)very uncool thing that happened to me and 2) the very cool thing that happened to me.

the very uncool thing
Monday was a stressful day. I realized that as fabulous as my hedonistic weekend was, it in no way helped me as far as accomplishing my end of semester chores. I was running around campus trying to get things done and ended up in Ross Hall, using the color printer on the 4th floor (although it charges the cost to my university bill, it’s still cheaper than having Copyworks run it off). I was starting to get a headache and I still had to run across campus to get my final copy of my creative component bound for the English department. I started down the stairs and woosh! My flip-flop slips on the metal edge of the stair and I crumple/slide/bang down about 10 steps to the landing. Thank goodness for landings. My water bottle tumbles down another flight and my arm takes most of the beating on the way down. And I thought I had a headache before. Feeling deflated, I climb back up the stairs (you think I was really going to climb down the rest of the “stairs of death” in those flip-flops with all that adrenaline pumping through my system?). I sit down and recover in the nearest office. Kate later remarked that it was just like Ross to kick us when we’re down.

the very cool thing
Tuesday was a much better day than Monday. I noticed right away: big bruise on my arm (it’s so beautiful). I head to campus early to swing by my office and grab my library books (I have 29 library books checked out. 29. Fortunately, I keep them in several places so as not to feel overwhelmed by all of them. I could probably return a few. Some of them aren’t even from this semester…) for my research paper. I walk into the office and woosh! There are pretty flowers on my desk (okay, so it wasn’t really a woosh, but I’m working on the parallelism thing here, and my breath did catch a little). I think in the brief seconds before I open the card, who would have sent me flowers? Even more intriguing, who would have sent me flowers to my office? The answer?

About a month ago, I received an email from a former student of mine. She was hoping to get in to the Architecture program at ISU and wanted some help with her entrance essay. So for three weeks, every Friday, we would meet for 30 minutes to discuss the paper. I’d offer her suggestions and she’d come back each week with new changes to her essay. I have to admit that this type of one-on-one interaction is what I really love about teaching. It allows me to really get to understand a student and talk to her in a way that seems to reach her a lot more than I ever could in class. Our last meeting was a couple weeks ago and I have to admit I was a little sad. It’s nice feeling useful. However, there they were, those flowers on my desk. And they were from her. I think these may be the best flowers I’ve ever received. They were so wholly unexpected and the gesture was so sweet.

A Tale of Two Jackets

2007-04-15T16:19:00.000-06:00

As I was looking through my pictures of Kerry (I wanted one to accompany my previous post), I noticed something interesting. Kerry and the green jacket. They were everywhere! This green jacket has seen places, let me tell you!

Two years ago (ish), me and some Colorado friends took a spring break trip to Vegas, which I have mentioned before. We met with some interesting weather on our trip; we were all just expecting it to be nice while we were there. I didn’t even check the weather before I left. I brought a coat for the Grand Canyon (which I needed because it did snow), and a cruddy jacket. Although it didn’t snow in Vegas, in fact the weather was beautiful, it was definitely jacket weather. 50s and 60s. Maybe a little warmer during the heat of the day, but lets face it, Vegas is all about the night life. Kerry and I both realize on our second day there that bulky coats and cruddy jackets aren’t going to cut it in this town of glitz (I mean, after all, we’d already come equipped with a scandalous wardrobe…no way were we completely covering it up!), so we make a stop at the mall and purchased matching jackets. Green for her, blue for me.

My jacket has sadly become a recluse in my closet. It has since lost much of its glamour and become a workout jacket (it was one of the only jackets I had when I first moved to Iowa and lived with Betsey, so I often wore it on my early-morning walks…consequently it has faded some).

Kerry’s jacket, on the other hand, is, I am happy to say, alive and well.

This picture was taken at Gordon Biersch (Tyler is in the middle), April 30, 2005 (we were there celebrating my 23rd Birthday)

This picture was taken March 11, 2007 in DC.

Long live the green jacket. And blue vest. And black Old Navy purse. I’m so happy that soon I’ll get to see you more often (and even better, Kerry too).

Kerry

2007-04-15T15:36:00.000-06:00

I was going to write this one up as just a comment, but I ended up having more to say, so it turned into a post.

Kerry commented the following after my Survivor post:

I'm checking to see if this posting thing works. I check your blog everyday to see how Miss Dana will entertain me. I am so glad you'd had more time to post ever since your presentation was finished. It sounded stressful girly. Well, I had to comment because you know I also am in love with Survivor. I think that we should try-out for it. Yeah. We should interview for Survivor. Your personality would get you in, in a heart beat. And don't you want to look at sexy, half-naked men in the middle of the jungle/island/desert? Good looking ones at that. Wooo. Or maybe we should just plan a camping trip after you come home and invite a few sexy men that would be willing to d-shirt.

Now I feel the pressure…must write entertaining things for Kerry ;)

I think we should try out for Survivor! I mean seriously, half naked men walking around on an island? Who cares about the million bucks! I’d do it just for that. Plus, I would get to squeal at spiders and run around in the ocean. Who needs more than that? I also think that a camping trip when I arrive home would be divine. I’ve been craving Colorado distractions and this one more than qualifies.

Mountains? Check
Sexy men willing to de-shirt? Check
Friends? Check
Alcohol? More than likely

Not to mention, a camping extravaganza would be a great preparation for going on Survivor. I’m not thinking of it as an instead of…it’s just practice! Maybe we should eat some bugs while we’re up there. I’m going to have to become a better swimmer, but I figure that’s on the list of things to do anyway. This just gives me a reason to bump it up a few points.

Shaw

2007-04-13T17:41:00.000-06:00

On the reasons I am glad to be going back to Colorado is that even though I’m leaving great friends here, I’m also coming back to some very fantastic ones. Today I spent a lot of time procrastinating and talking to Shaw online (writing a children’s book we were). Sometimes I forget what an amazing artist he is, aside from his other talents (such as pie-buddy).

What attracts us

2007-04-13T12:08:00.000-06:00

This morning I went to the gym and regretted it. I got in a nice little workout, but as I was going along on one of the elliptical machines (which face a wall of TV’s), I saw one of the Survivors on the television, a survivor that is supposed to be on the show. Yes, I admit it, I love Survivor. Let’s focus on the bigger issue here. Survivors are only on network TV after they get voted out, which means that I already knew who was going to get voted out before I even watched it (my TiVo recorded it for me last night but I hadn’t gotten around to watching it). This reminds me of an even bigger tragedy in my life as a Survivor watcher. I have watched the show on and off over the last seven years, including the very first season. I was very into it, blah blah, and I missed the season finale because of some school related thing. Not to worry, my mom taped it for me. We were in the car, on the way home. She switches the radio station and the first sound we hear is, “…can’t believe Richard won Survivor.” That person is still on my list.

I walked out of the gym and smelled freshly cut grass. What a wonderful smell. This of course (yes, of course) reminded me of Harry Potter and the Amorentia potion. This is supposedly the strongest love potion and smells like what ever attracts us. Hermoine’s smelled like freshly cut grass (among other things); I’m definitely with her on this one. Mine would smell like a combination of outdoor smells (grass, rain, lilacs, earth, and the like). Maybe like cookies baking too. What would yours smell like?

So a friend of mine showed me this video. Watch it. I find it quite hilarious (it really helps if you know Pachabel’s Canon in D, but not a requirement; you probably already know the song and just don’t realize it).

Oral Defense

2007-04-10T15:56:00.001-06:00

I passed my oral defense! I was going to post this earlier, but I was exhausted. It went very well. Something like this:

I was very nervous when I woke up at 6 am this morning. One of my alarms didn’t go off (I need 2), making feel unsettled right away. Still, I hopped sleepily into the shower. I slowly got ready, rehearse my presentation, thinking I had plenty of time. Then, oh shit! Suddenly it’s 7:20 and I realize that I still have to run to HyVee for breakfast. Although bringing food is not required, I realize that 8:30 am is a little cruel and it might be nice to bring breakfast for my committee. A quick trip to HyVee and I have bottled water, bagels, and cream cheese. I get home, run in the door, grab my bag and computer and run right back out to barely catch the 7:45 bus. Once on campus, I check out a projector for my computer (because there isn’t one in the room I’m defending in). This projector, by they way, is infamously called “Thing 1” (and yes, there is also a Thing 2), which doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence, but I manage to hook it up and get it running.

Coach, my committee chair, comes in to the conference room a couple minutes before 8:30. I think he can tell I’m a little nervous. He informally tells me that he really enjoyed my project and then relates a little anecdote to calm me down (he ran into a female professor in the hall, who I have never had class with, and mentions that he’s off to my defense. He asks, “Do you know Dana Humphreys?” She replies, “You mean the pretty blonde?” Needless to say he made me laugh and I felt a little better).

One of my committee members shows up late (but I’m not worried, he’s notoriously late) and I start off with my presentation. It goes very well and then I field questions about my project. Overall, I think I answer them quite knowledgably. Then I’m sent out of the room while they deliberate. After a couple of the most nerve-wracking minutes, Coach opens the door and booms, “Congratulations, young lady, you passed.” He shakes my hand and murmurs a kind comment about “as if there was any doubt.” My committee members all shake my hand and I’m free to go. My bagels are left untouched but I don’t care. I’m done!

After telling a few friends and running some paperwork over to the graduate college (in heels I might ad), I head over to the class I teach to finish off the rest of it (Krystal was kind enough to cover the first part of it for me, thanks lady). I’m giddy and can’t stop smiling and Michael says he’s glad to see me like this. I’ll admit I haven’t been my giddy self much lately. Finally, I head home, watch part of a movie, eat my bagel (and half a tub of strawberry cream cheese) and pass out for two hours.

Today

2007-04-09T12:38:00.000-06:00

Today I’m wearing Lucky Penny eye shadow
I washed six loads of laundry
Sporting my “Vegas” outfit
Smell like country apple
Ate a chocolate-coconut Easter bird’s nest for breakfast
(including the Jelly Belly eggs)
Listened Kate Havnevik
(thanks to C-boo, who always did have good taste in music)
Got woken up by my anxiety before my alarm

Today is a new day.

I maintain that it is SPRING!

2007-04-04T17:40:00.000-06:00

This morning as I was leaving the apartment, I casually asked Kate what the weather was like. She casually remarked, “Oh, I think about 23 degrees with the wind chill!” I decided I was having no part of this cold weather (and perhaps she underestimated the temperature), so I put on a jacket. It’s April and I refuse, refuse I tell you, to drag that coat out of the closet again. I strolled outside. Yes, it was cold, but meh. It didn’t feel so bad. Kinda windy. I get in the car and as I start it up, a light turns on that never makes me happy. No, not the engine light. The red snowflake light; that beastly little light that likes to remind me that it’s below freezing outside. Still, my optimistic “Spring” attitude was not dissuaded. Not by the cold, not by the clouds. I was wearing my jacket and perfectly fine. However, as I was pulling out of the parking lot, I swear I saw a snowflake or two swirling by. But we’ll pretend I didn’t. I mean, nothing seemed to stick to the ground, so you have no proof!

Yesterday (at 2:00 a.m.) I turned my creative component in to my committee members. Now I just have to prepare for my defense on April 10. It’s kind of amazing that I’m this close to being done with the project. I still have another class to worry about, but I’m not really worried. Unfortunately, I’m actually more…I wouldn’t say relaxed. I have Spring Fever. Senioritis. Something like that. Now that I’ve gotten the most intimidating work out of the way, my defense doesn’t sound too bad. I could work myself up about it, but at this point there is very little I can do to change its outcome. My project is essentially finished. I just need to maintain focus for one more month. One month exactly. I graduate on May 4th. By then all my coursework and grading will be complete. I’ll be packed. I’ll be ready to face reality. Well, maybe not, but I’ll be facing it eventually. Time to take the pause button off. Maybe I need to practice for this. Prepare. Maybe this isn’t something I should dread. I do thrive on anticipation. Practicality is thrown out the window! Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make any sense to me either.

photos, photos, photos!

2007-03-31T16:18:00.000-06:00

This isn’t really a post so much as a notice that I’ve finally posted my photos from DC. You can find my photo page at the following link and they’re in the album “The DC” (in case you couldn’t figure it out). I’ll be posting more albums on this page, so keep checking it :)

Dana’s Photos are at: http://picasaweb.google.com/dana.humphreys

on the one hand

2007-03-30T16:49:00.000-06:00

I’ve been feeling conflicted for a while now. When should I move? Should I move? Where should I move? I admit that moving occupies a huge part of my confliction, but not all. However, it’s the only thing I feel comfortable talking about (I even feel conflicted about what to post on my blog…sometimes I’d rather it was totally anonymous, although that would probably decrease the number of people who read it). I’m supposed to be making all these decisions based on what I want, but I don’t know what that is. I can hear what everyone else wants, but it’s coming in like a badly tuned radio. I don’t know what to do.

Right now I’m planning on moving back to Colorado the weekend after I graduate. I want to be excited about this. Why am I not? Well it’s not simple. I’ll miss people here. A part of me feels like going back to Colorado is giving up in a way. I told myself I was going to be excited about my life; it was going to be adventurous while I could make it that way. However, I’m not ready to move somewhere completely different. I know going somewhere new is exciting but I’m also afraid it’s running away. I know I can’t stay here, though. There are things I like about Des Moines, and even Iowa, but it is filled with ghosts. I’d be happier living somewhere lest haunted. Going back to Colorado means going back to where my life was most ordinary and I’m not sure I’m ready for ordinary. Certainly not as my single self.

I met a fun interesting guy at a party last weekend and I was happy that I could feel attracted to someone. I was also sad because I realized I was unwilling to really pursue it. Finding a connection is nice, and I suspect that in the past I might have just seen where things went, but I don’t see any point when I’m moving in a little over a month. I don’t like being practical. And I don’t like feeling conflicted!

Washington Highlights

2007-03-16T16:25:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I feel a little bad about my truncated version of Washington DC, and this isn’t going to be much better, but this time I’m posting pictures. I’ll be posting the rest of my pictures later this weekend, so look for that!

Day 1

Friday. We arrive in DC and spend the rest of the evening checking in to the hotel and hanging out with Tyler and Alana drinking beer and barhopping (ah, kneipentour!).

Day 2

Saturday. Our first day checking out the city (slightly hungover). Because we were staying about a hour outside of DC we realize we’re going to have to get up much earlier for the rest of our trip (today we mostly just had time to look at the monuments and buildings). We go see 300 later in the evening (stylistically amazing).

Day 3

Sunday. We devote most of the day to the National Archives (I didn’t really find this worth the hype. The Declaration is pretty faded and everyone is pushing you out of the way to see something they can’t read) and the Air and Space Museum (way cool! Airplanes and rockets and spaceships and even a “current American History” section with features like the Kermit the Frog Muppet and Dorothy’s ruby slippers)

Day 4

Monday. We get up early and manage to make it to DC by 8:30. Because most museums don’t open until 9:00 or later, we go visit Arlington Cemetery first. I personally like the amphitheater architecture (we also saw the changing of the guard on the Tomb of the Unknown soldier which was sort of interesting…and long). Later, while Shaw explores the portrait gallery, Kerry and Ant and I go to the museum of Natural History and the Botanical Gardens. My camera battery dies (tragedy! I’m addicted to taking snapshots).

Day 5

Tuesday. Today we all go our separate ways. I spend most of the day in Georgetown and manage to find a Chipotle. Although I take pictures with a disposable camera, these don’t turn out very well.

Day 6

Wednesday. Last day. I have to be out of the hotel early so I wander around Georgetown for a while with my luggage, then take the metro out of town to have lunch with Ty before heading to the airport.

And that’s about all the highlights I have the energy for. I’ve entered a sort of malaise since my return to Iowa and am just generally unwilling to do homework or understand why I feel so anxious.

beautiful morning

2007-03-14T12:00:00.000-06:00

It’s my last morning here in DC and I doubt I could find the city to be more lovely than it is right now. I’m sitting outside this little bagel shop in Georgetown, reading and typing away, waiting for Chipotle to open. Maybe it seems weird to be in such a wonderful city with so many restaurants and still want Chipotle, but I rarely understand my own mysteries.

Today I’m on my own (pretty much). Kerry, Anthony, and Shaw are all at the airport; my flight doesn’t leave for another 8 hours or so, so I’m still wandering around (with my luggage in tow, none-the-less). I’m not really looking forward to going back home or working on my creative component.

Georgetown was probably my favorite part of the trip, which is why I’m back again today. I was also here yesterday, the day where we all toured DC by ourselves. I like the old buildings and unique shops and boutiques. Reality seems a little less harsh here, perfect for a romantic like me.

I haven’t gotten much sleep while we’ve been here, but I decided that I was willing to accept that. After the first morning here, we realized we had to get up early to take the Metro into the city in order to have time to visit the museums, etc. The Metro is the underground rail system that traverses the city. We bought weeklong passes so that we wouldn’t have to hassle with it anymore, which was really the best option (they were only $34.00). Our hotel was about 10 minutes away from Ty and Alana’s apartment and the Metro station, so we were able to get a ride to the station from them or split a fairly inexpensive taxi. Surprisingly, I love riding the Metro; surprising because I usually don’t like being around that many people, and some of them can be downright surly. However, I like the energy of the morning commuters. They have a fast pace and the underground tunnels pulse with trains and people.

Some other highlights from the trip: I did most of the major things in the city itself, including Arlington Cemetery, the National Gallery, the Natural History Museum, and the National Mall (this is the area that contains most of the Smithsonian museums, Capitol Hill, and the Washington Monument). I also went to the Lincoln and Jefferson monuments, the latter of which was by far my favorite. It was peaceful and right on the water (we also went there after the sun had set and the fading light made it difficult for me to get a clear picture). I liked the museums, but the buildings and Botanic Gardens were my favorite. There’s something about the architecture of men and nature that I find much more fascinating that museum art (although I did especially enjoy the sculpture and Monet wings of the National Gallery).

I’ve accomplished more walking this past week than I’m even prepared to count. I also ate a lot and am glad I don’t have to feel too guilty about straying from my calorie counting. Of course we did a little drinking—but only a couple nights. Repeat hangovers aren’t the best way to appreciate history and art.

Spring Breaks Past

2007-03-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

I have major Spring Break fever. I’m supposed to be doing work (right now!) but instead all I can think of is Spring Break. On Friday I’ll be on a plane (at 7 a.m. to be exact…do you know how early you have to get up to be at the airport on time for a flight that early? 4:30!) to Washington DC. This will be my first time in our nation’s capitol and while I don’t think I’ll pull a Jefferson Smith and become overwhelmed at the purity of or nation, I am looking forward to the trip. It’s somewhat of a Colorado reunion between Kerry, Anthony, Shaw, Tyler (who actually now lives in Maryland, not to far outside of DC), and me. I’m hoping to see some cherry blossoms, some national monuments, and mayhaps the national gallery.

A couple of evenings ago I was reading for class; the light was coming in the window behind me and I had a flashback to Seattle. Why Seattle, who knows. But it was something to do with the light. It’s the light of springtime. Somehow it’s just different than winter light (probably because the sun is traveling higher in the sky). It feels especially magical in the evening and it reminds me of last year around this time. I was in Seattle. With Rob. By far one of my best vacations. I loved Seattle. Rob worked on his creative component a lot (while I read Harry Potter instead of grading student papers), but when he wasn’t working we explored the city and Justin took us to the Pikes Market Place and the mountains. I like having pleasant thoughts about that vacation and don’t even feel a twinge of regret. I’m not much one for regrets, though.

Still, this got me thinking about other Spring Breaks I’ve taken, ones that don’t remind me so sharply of an ex-boyfriend.

Vegas

Vegas was my “Spring Break” trip two years ago. I was actually not in school at the time. I was taking a year off and working at Linens-N-Things (my-oh-my). This was probably my most exciting vacation. There were six of us driving two cars (Car A: those who don’t drive a stick shift; Car B: my car); Tyler, Kerry, Anthony, Greg, Becca, and me. On our way there we camped one night in the Grand Canyon. The entire way there I was dreaming about watching the sunset over the GC; we got there only to find out that there was a forecast of snow and the sky was so cloudy there was no way to tell where the sun was in the sky, let alone watch it set. Still we had fun shivering in our coats, building a fire, drinking, and huddling together in the middle of our huge tent because we didn’t want to touch the sides and let the snow moisture into the tent (because yes it did snow). We continued our trek to Vegas, driving over the Hoover Dam. Ty’s parents had purchased a time-share in a condo on the ritzy end of Las Vegas Boulevard (about three miles up from the highlife of the strip) and we had a much posher vacation than any of us deserved. Any given night could find us in the pool, on the strip, drinking, brushing our teeth (hehe), or going to Chipotle (that’s right, all those places to eat and we latched on to the one Chipotle on the strip and didn’t let go). If you ever want to suspend reality, Vegas is definitely the place to go.

Tucson

The two years before Vegas were the same two years that I shared a house in Boulder with Kerry and Carrie, and both of these Spring Breaks found me languishing in the Tucson sun with Carrie. The first year we went we stayed with Chris and Niky (her brother and his Chihuahua) and drove. This was my first experience driving a stick shift (Care’s red Bianca) and I can’t say that I fared to successfully (after a few miserable streets in hilly Colorado Springs, we worked out a system on the highway where I would depress the clutch when told and she would shift the gears for me). The second year we flew (a much better idea, aside from the sketchy plane we caught out of Phoenix (we had to actually run out onto the runway—literally running because our last plane had been delayed—and climb up stairs to board the sucker)) and stayed with her dad. This trip also included my one adventure out of the country (two hours in Mexico with strong margaritas that everyone but Anthony refused to drink and a “Prada” present from Carrie’s dad). Both trips will filled with shopping and slushies and sunbathing. What more could we ask for (especially the year we skipped the entire blizzard in CO).

And those are my Spring Breaks past. Look for more postings about DC!

European Update

2007-02-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don’t know, I will not be going to Europe this May. Yes, I am a little sad about this. When Steph and I were originally planning on going, I was so excited and when she had to cancel on her end, I couldn’t quite let go of the trip. I tried imagining other scenarios, but in the end nothing seemed right. I didn’t want to go to Europe by myself, especially not for the first time! I finally admitted defeat and told my mom yesterday. Today she called me to say that…surprise, she was thinking that we should go NEXT summer (we being my immediate family, mom, dad, Sar, and me!). This is a far better plan than I could have come up with and if I ever thought in a million years that I could actually convince my mom to go, I would have suggested it long ago. Now, though, the timing is really “right.” Sarah will have just graduated from college and my parents won’t be paying for any more schooling. Yippee!!! I’m so excited. Yes it isn’t for another 16ish months, but I don’t care. I get to go to Europe with my family, people who will get excited over silly things! (hmmm, who does that? Nope, not me, no way, for sure not me!)

Sar and me at Red Rocks

My parents in their kitchen

Cold Weather Cure

2007-02-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

Two blog postings in one day isn’t really like me, but the last one was a little “serious/academic,” plus the weather outside is a little…mmm…scary. I’m supposed to be doing work on campus, but snow is coming down hard (and before that it rained all day, which then froze. Yesterday it even managed to hail a little…so now the ground is covered with little hail balls, a layer of ice, and fluffy snow). All I want to do is stay inside and watch movies and eat cinnamon rolls (fortunately I have new movies from Netflix and cinnamon rolls from dinner last night!). I also have a comfy couch and a fuzzy faux fur blanket. Oh, yeah, and a cold. My cold is better, I think. I haven’t taken anything for it (because I’m stubborn and also don’t want to get in my car). It’s warm in my apartment and I feel cozy and happy. The only thing that might make it better could be a cat. I miss having a cat. I miss Smaug. I miss Tybalt. I miss Oscar. These have been the only cats that have felt partly mine. Smaug is Rob’s cat and I guess there aren’t really visitation rights for that kind of thing. Tybalt was Carrie’s cat and he lived with us for two years in Boulder; he went missing when she moved to Golden. Oscar was my cat; my parents bought him for me when I was about 10 and he died at their house about a month after I moved to Iowa. I’ve never really had my own cat.

Weep Not for the Creative Mind

2007-02-24T15:43:00.001-07:00

For years we liberal arts majors have been persecuted for our “soft” decision to enter into our humanities fields. Why do the humanities matter, in the long run? If you’re an English major, or perhaps an art or art history major, this query is nothing new to you. It often becomes wearying, having to defend your field of study. In fact, I often got to the point, as an undergraduate, where I dreaded the horrid question, “What are you studying in school?” My mind would race through my options: If I say English, I’ll inevitably be condescended to: “Oh, English. Hmm, what are you going to do with that?”; or labeled: “Oh, so do you want to teach?” because that’s all that and English degree is good for, really. Or should I say practically? And forget about saying creative writing. I usually just told a white lie and skipped over the creative part. Because, truthfully, I don’t know what I want to do with this degree, but I like thinking about the world. If I come up with a humorous avoidance technique (things such as “I’m just looking for a way to graduate” or “you mean you can’t be a professional student?” were common), I could sidestep some of the awkwardness, but there would always be that nagging sensation that I would KNOW what my accuser was going to ask. Now, don’t misunderstand me. Not all people judge or label humanities majors; my parents, in fact, were always quite supportive about all my major life decisions. It’s just that as an English major, I became jaded to the way I was viewed by the world.

Where do we liberal artists fit in the modern world? As I was reading Richard Lanham for my class, I came across something interesting:
“Economics, as we all remember from Introduction to Economics, studies the allocation of scarce resources….So, we live in an ‘information economy.’ But information is not in short supply in the new information economy. We’re drowning in it. What we lack is the human attention needed to make sense of it all….The devices that regulate attention are stylistic devices. Attracting attention is what style is all about.”

This really got me thinking. For years, I’ve been trained to know what I was doing was valuable, but to still be treated by most as peripheral. Maybe we really are living in an economy governed by attention (just think about how many things are vying for your attention these days; it seems as though our focus is becoming more and more split every day). In the old “economy of stuff” science and economics were king (and they still believe they are). Lanham is arguing, however, that we, the liberal artists, those of “arts and letters” are the mediators of attention. “The arts and letters now stand at the center. They are the disciplines that study how attention is allocated, how cultural capital is created and traded. When our children come home and tell us that they have decided to major in English or art history, no longer need we tremble for their economic future.”

My point: knowing how attention works makes you invaluable. Don’t despair or be ashamed.

Super Smoothie

2007-02-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

Saying goodbye to the weekend is never easy. I thought this weekend was going to be fairly relaxed; not quite as I expected. On Friday I had a meeting with my client for my creative component. I expected I would be doing some work on Friday and Monday, but nothing in between. See, this weekend a good friend of mine came to visit (Peter, who lives in Illinois and is also an ex-boyfriend) and I worked all week to make sure I wouldn’t have to do too much work while he was here. So, I had my meeting on Friday and my client wanted me to change the design of my documents (not completely, but enough for me to have a lot of weekend word to do), and he wanted to see these changes by Monday morning (taking away an entire day of work). Needless to say, I had to change my weekend plans and spent a little less time with Peter and more time with my computer. However I think he had fun while he was here and he’s a champion at entertaining himself.

On Saturday we went to King Buffet. My first time in a long time (Rob and I used to go there a lot) and I felt like I was finally okay with going back. We also went to go see Music and Lyrics, which was…mediocre. This seems a little strange for a self-proclaimed romantic to be saying, but something just didn’t feel right about the movie; maybe I’ve become more of a realist (somehow I doubt it). We also included a trip to Hickory Park while he was here; I’ll admit I almost forgot about HP, but a friend reminded me that no trip to Ames is complete without a visit to ye ole Park.

It’s quite beautiful out today (somewhat sunny and above 40 degrees!). Something tells me today is the day I should clean my car. Not only is it disgusting on the outside (covered with an assortment of dirt, salt from the snowmelt, and these brown seed things that are from a tree in my parking lot), the inside needs a little TLC. About a month ago I was getting a couple smoothies (Steph needed a pick-me-up) and I don’t have two cup holders in the front of my car. One is in the front and the other is between the two back seats. The front one likes to tip over (the first time I discovered this I had a 44 oz Big Gulp “thing” from Kum and Go, which then managed to spill all over my lap), so I decided I must put the first smoothie in the back seat. Juggling two smoothies while leaning into the back seat of a coupe isn’t easy and for a klutz like me it’s even harder. The Raspberry Red ended up on the floor, spilling half it’s contents onto my Cougar’s carpet. Frick! Since that day, it hasn’t been above freezing in Ames long enough for me to clean up the mess. So, today is clean up the smoothie day. I should also mention that this isn’t the first time I’ve spilled smoothie on the inside of my car. Once when I was working at Linens-N-Things I stopped by Jamba Juice (mmm, how I miss the Jamba) on my way there to smoothie my way out of a hangover. When I got to work I placed the smoothie on the top of my car, where it did NOT stay. It tipped precariously and then fell back toward me, splashing me, the car, the seat, the carpet with Strawberry Tsunami. Double frick.

Into the Ocean

2007-02-14T18:01:00.000-07:00

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion...
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Not a very happy song, but it’s been that kind of day. I decided to pick up an extra shift (after Betsey asked) at one of the clubhouses because the girl that regularly works there wanted to spend V-Day with her boyfriend. So, I had to pick the key up in Downtown and no one was in the office, so I had to try and remember where the clubhouse was (somewhere in Waukee) and of course mis-remembered. After a paniced phone call to Bets, and some nervous waiting, I got a call back with directions; I’d been a little off the whole time and would probably not have found it on my own. All told, I spent about 2 hours in the car when it should have been about 50 minutes.

So now, instead of going home, I’m going out to dinner with Betsey and George. I was invited and a part of me feels bad for crashing on their V-day, but not that bad. I’m tired and cranky and I could do to hang out with two of the most amusing people I know; plus at least I get to spend Valentines day with someone I love (even if it is a cousin).

Happy Singles Awareness Day

2007-02-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

That’s what Kate’s calling this day, and I have to admit I like it. I can’t help but feeling a little lonely today. I very rarely remember what I’ve done on past Valentines Days (my most memorable is from my Freshman year in college when a whole bunch of singles from my floor went out for Mongolian BBQ), so it seems that the day hasn’t held much weight in the past. I know that this may sound like a bitter singles tirade, so you can just skip it. I don’t really need to shout from the rooftops with glee that I’m single. I’m not overbrimming with joy. I’m not overly bitter about being single either.

However, I really don’t remember Valentines Days from past relationships. Why? Who knows. I do know that people in relationships usually don’t need to be reminded that they’re happy, or to celebrate their happiness. Or do they? I see two sides to this holiday. One, it’s a day that makes couples remember that they’re in love and celebrate being together (in the non commercialist sense) and two it’s a day that reminds single people that we celebrate couples. Yep, I do sound bitter. I don’t have a conclusion here. And yes, I do feel lonely today.

Whoo-Hoo!

2007-02-07T18:26:00.001-07:00

It’s back on, baby! That’s right, I’m going to Colorado this weekend! After some see-sawing back and forth about whether or not I should drive it, I decided to look on Orbitz (I mean, what are the odds that there’s be a cheep ticket on there a couple days before the weekend?). After trying a couple of combinations, I found a round trip non-stop flight for only a couple-hundred bucks! Yay, I get a nice break this weekend, and I’m not leaving til Saturday so I’ll still get do homework Friday and Saturday (I’m not usually giddy about that fact, but who wouldn’t look forward to 2.5 days of freedom in the middle of a crazy month?). Well, I am! I’ve already paid for the tickets, so I’m really coming!

chilly thoughts

2007-02-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

Alright, I’m from a fairly chilly state and they’ve been having a hard time of it this winter (unbelievable amounts of snow), but still every year I get to this part of winter and feel really…miserable. Is it over? Are we there yet? The there, of course, being spring and warm weather. I’m not asking for much. At this point I’d take 40 degrees. I would like to reject this streak of negative degree wind chill that’s been happening for the past week, weeks, I don’t know, it seems an interminable amount of time. I am of course complaining about the weather because I don’t have much else to talk about. My life is less interesting now more than ever. I’m excited about graduation, going to Europe (if that actually ends up happening), and…I’m not sure what else. I think I’m excited about moving back to Colorado, it’s just that every time I think about leaving Colorado, it feels like there’s something I’m forgetting.

I’ve been working out a lot. I find it’s a great way to procrastinate my homework and it fits in well with my New Years resolution to do things that are “good for me.” I need to remember that mantra. For example, procrastinating my homework this afternoon by watching T.V. probably wouldn’t be “good for me,” but sounds sinfully fun.

Sorry CO

2007-02-04T12:18:00.000-07:00

So after all my excitement about going to Colorado next weekend, which I’d planned on doing (especially since Kerry and Ant’s co-birthday party was going on), I’ve now decided not to go. I was so excited, but you just shouldn’t feel anxiety about something like that (and that’s exactly what I was feeling). I realized that I just can’t give up an entire weekend (four days actually) and not work on my creative component. It’s coming along, but slowly and I couldn’t stand the pressure that made the whole process feel very rushed. Add in a dose of sound advice, and I realized that the trip wasn’t a good idea. I’ll just have to wait to see everyone. Sorry all :(

Okay, back to the grindstone…gar!

Egad, Brain!

2007-02-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

Holy Harry Potter folks! The release date for the seventh book has finally been announced. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out July 21, 2007. I know, I know, it isn’t the 07/07/07 we were all hoping for, but meh! Small potatoes to the fact that the book is actually coming out :)

Okay, I have to run, that’s about all I have time for, except HELLLS YEAH! I take my Harry Potter very seriously. Oh, and Sarey, there’s a good chance that I’ll be back in the ‘rado by then, so we should mayhaps get around to preordering. It wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t go get the book together.

I'm so tired of being lonely

2007-01-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Waiting for...Europe

2007-01-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

Remember when Dana was super excited to go to Europe? Well I do. Steph told me that she can’t go with me (which I understand, but still can’t help but feeling a little disappointed), so now I’m not sure what to do. I really don’t want to go by myself, but I feel like I’d be betraying myself if I didn’t go. This is something I’ve wanted to do so long and I’m tired of putting it on hold. So, anyone want to go to Europe for a month (or even less, you could join me for part of the time)? Or know someone who would like to go? Have you ever thought of spending a week in Italy? Maybe you want to go to the Cannes film festival? Well, think about it :)

Listening to: Lucy doesn't love you

2007-01-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. I’ve been such a miserable slag that I haven’t had anything to post. I think people are tired of me being sad. I’m tired of being sad. Here I go, being sad. Bad Dana.

I recently found out that Rob and Amanda are dating. Can’t say I didn’t see that one coming. I also found out that their “anniversary” is December 9th (which was Rob and I’s anniversary). I don’t want this to bug me. I promised myself that I wouldn’t check his blog anymore. It only makes me depressed. But I did and too late to go back now. I really don’t want this to bug me. I want to be over Rob. I keep asking myself why this is so difficult to get over. I mean, if the relationship wasn’t working, then I should be able to be over it a little bit. But here’s the ugly truth folks: I’m not. I keep trying to give myself cop out reasons why I’m still upset. Is it because he just wounded my pride and I hate that he chose someone else over me? Did I do something wrong? Do I still love him? I keep searching for an answer, but I can’t find one and I end up feeling so empty. Supposedly there is someone out there better for me. Here’s another scary thing that I’m not supposed to say. What if I’m never that happy in a relationship again? I know, your gut instinct is to say, well you’re just being silly or of course you’ll be or something like that. Trust me, I’ve heard it all before. I’ve said it all before! But what if I’m not? No, what if I’m not? Here’s the irritating part about the whole debacle. This past summer, I remember thinking that I wouldn’t change anything about my life. I was so happy and I loved how all of it was going. I didn’t want to change anything. How many people actually have that cathartic moment? I wasn’t waiting for something to happen to make things a little better. It just was. Great. And being with Rob was a huge part of that.

You want to know another crazy part (or maybe this is the sane part of me talking)? I don’t want to get back together with Rob. Do you know what that relationship would be like? I would constantly be wondering what I was doing wrong. I have become this low self-esteem idiot and I don’t even want to know how low my confidence would stoop if I was questioning everything I said, every intonation, every action.

I love my Colorado friends right now. Especially Shaw. He makes me laugh when I’m getting too “wallow-y.” And Kerry. She’s so cute making plans about D.C. It brightens my day to get one of her emails. And Anthony. He gives me great music that is still making me happy. And Ty. Technically no longer resides in Colorado. Knows that I’m a “hugger.” I love that all of these people can hold a great conversation with me after not talking for a month (or longer). It’s nice to have that when I’m longing for something that isn’t really associated with Rob.

Winter Vacay Pics

2006-12-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

Let it snow...

2006-12-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m sitting in front of the TV watching the Broncos win. Occasionally someone yells at the game, which gets Sadie going (my parents Australian Shepherd). She doesn’t understand the yelling and so she starts barking at us just to make sure she gets in her own two cents. I’m posting this on my parents’ computer, which means dial up connection and the pictures may have to wait.

It’s been a great week. Oh, crap, the Bengals just scored a touchdown. Here comes the extra point. Sarah says maybe they’ll miss. Dad: Yeah, that’d be a Merry Christmas. This is why I love being here; the extra point is about the only thing that you can count on in professional football (or as close as it gets), but we still like to dream. OMG and they’ve missed the extra point! 41 seconds left; game over, Broncs win. (I apologize for the football commentary but the excitement makes me lose my place).

So, anyway, good week. We had a blizzard. Two feet of snow got dumped on Colorado on Wednesday and Thursday. It’s the first time in my memory that there were that many road closures in CO. Usually the snow just isn’t all over the entire front range (the major cities and surrounding areas to the east of the mountains). I’ve been out cross-country skiing around my parents’ property a couple times. The snow is pure powder and I wish I had time to go up to the mountains.

I got to see most of my CO friends; a good time was had by all, but we’re a lot tamer than we used to be. They’re my second family here and it’s nice to be around them because I rarely talk about school. Okay, my first family wants to play Clue. Happy Holidays, all!

Priceless

2006-12-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you wondering, I did in fact make it home to Colorado okay (oh, and BTW, I have a new phone). Thursday was a long day and I wouldn’t be doing it justice if I skipped right over it. The morning was fairly uneventful; I packed to go home, turned in my last minute papers, and dashed off to my last final to watch my students give presentations. The whole day I was anxious because I was planning on driving home on this day, on this Thursday, so that I could go to a Guster concert in Denver later that night. My final got over at 1:00 and the concert started at 7:30 (8:30 Iowa time). It’s a 10-hour drive to Colorado (and that includes speeding a lil). You do the math. I mean, I knew I wasn’t going to make it at 7:30, but there was an opening band, I figured hey no big deal (actually, I figured, this could be super close).

(I had the bright idea to buy the concert tickets at the venue when we got there, but last week Sarah called to tell me that it sounded like the concert was selling out. What was I to do? I couldn’t decide which was worse: getting to the concert in time and not being able to get in because it was sold out and we didn’t have tickets, or getting to the concert and it being over and having already paid for the tickets. I decided there was a certain priceless quality to going to a concert both Sar and I wanted to see, so I opted for the latter.)

So, around 1:15, my students had finished presenting. I dashed to my car (parked illegally on campus; no ticket…phew) and got on my way. I hit some annoying traffic in Iowa (lots of going 60 mph in a 70 mph zone) and I was starting to get worried. I figured the earliest Guster would make it on stage was 8:30, which means that I would have to be at my parents house by 8:00, which meant total, I needed to cut 2 hours off my drive, which meant…yeah, my drive was filled with math logic like this. I was doing about 90 (in a 75) once I hit Nebraska, but I saw a few people pulled over and decided that a speeding ticket didn’t really sound all that great. I set my cruise control down to 84 and literally one minute later, I got pulled over. The officer said I was doing 86 although I explained that my cruise control had been set to 84, he refused to knock down the ticket; his exact words were, “well I guess your speedometer is off.” I should have just stuck with 90! It would have cost the same. C’est la vie. After that, I didn’t want to risk getting pulled over again, so I stuck to 82 (was my speedometer wrong? I don’t know; I’ve never been pulled over in Iowa going 64 in a 55, but who really knows). I pulled into my parents’ driveway at 9:10.

Sarah offered to drive (in my mom’s car), and after being in the car for 9 hours, I decided, that yes, this was a good idea. We chatted on the way to Denver, and I figured that even in the concert was over, we could still have a good time. We had a little difficulty navigating downtown (some of the streets are based on the river and some of them are based on the grid, which means that there are intersections with 6 streets…that’s not easy). As we drove by the venue, we saw people walking out and my heart sank. Is it over? It looks like it’s over Sarah asked. Well, let’s check it out I said. Sarah didn’t want to parallel park so we just pulled into a Wendy’s parking lot to hop out quickly and double-check that the concert was over. As we moved closer, I listened to people walking away and heard them talking about the concert and my heart fell further still. Then, as we walked up to the door, I hear the unmistakable strains of Guster. Seriously? we say together.

We rush in and being short and smallish, managed to get places fairly close to the front. After the song was over and the lead singer starts talking, we realize we just walked in on the first song of the set. The concert was amazing. I laughed and cried and jumped up and down and sang loudly and heard all the songs I wanted to hear and some new ones from the latest album. We weren’t disappointed and I felt complete inside, something that doesn’t happen very much, as of late. As we were walking out of the concert, I felt my heart pound a little harder because we really shouldn’t have parked in the Wendy’s. Would the car still be there?

No. It was not there. It turns out, it had been towed 10 minutes after we parked it. We called the impound lot; they said they wouldn’t release it until tomorrow and only to the person on the title: my Mom. We called our mom to come pick us up and spent half an hour shivering in the Wendy’s parking lot waiting for her. Sarah was a little put out, but not much could kill my high. It was just so nice to feel that happy.

Concert tickets: $70
Three tanks of gas: $90
Speeding ticket: $120
Car impound: $210

Seeing Guster in concert with your sister: priceless

It's been a year

2006-12-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

I know, I know! I’m a bad blogger, bad emailer, bad facebooker, bad myspacer, bad phone call returner (btw: I dropped ye old cell phone about two hours ago and its no longer working). I’ve been so delinquent on my personal responsibilities. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll respond eventually :)

It’s been a year since Kate and I moved into our (now) fabulous apartment. A lot has changed. Right now my favorite thing is our (real) Christmas tree (oh, yeah, and having furniture; they rate at about the same). It’s got red and white lights and dozens of ornaments given to me by family members over the years. I love getting ornaments for Christmas. I feel like my life started when I moved to Ames. So many things happened all at once and the extreme change made me feel more alive than I had in years.

I think I’m starting to turn into a recluse. I don’t like to go out that much anymore and I really like being in the apartment. It’s so safe in the apartment. Last night I got to the bars, had one beer, and just decided that pretending to be happy and make small talk around a bunch of strangers (and a few friends) wasn’t worth the effort. So, I waited for the bus home and called Peter. Lately I’ve been talking to Peter a lot on the phone. It’s nice to talk to him after such a long time of really not saying much. Strange that after 4 years, Peter and I are really at a place where we can be friends. He and his family drove through Des Moines last weekend; I went to go meet them for brunch, thinking I would be hanging out with him and his parents. Instead, it was me, his parents, Peter, his mom’s parents, and his uncle (seven of us squeezed into a booth at Perkins. Ahh, brunching adventures). I wonder if it will be 4 years before I feel that comfortable talking to Rob? I hope not.

To go along with my new recluse nature, Kate and I have started playing scrabble. I’m too competitive of a player though. I played with George (my cousin in-law) over break and (gasp!) actually won. It’s so gratifying to win to someone who’s a sore winner. But he’s a good player and now I’ve got to hone my craft.

Also on the recluse front: I spent more time on homework this weekend than I’ve ever spent on a weekend before. Today I literally did school work for 14 hours (with just short breaks for meals). Time flies when you’re designing the world’s most frustrating powerpoint presentation. I find some homework to be addicting; the more I get into it, the more I lose touch with reality (which, lets face it, I wasn’t that in touch with from the start).

It’s cold outside and warm in the apartment. My toes are chilly and Kate stops every once in a while to tickle them. There’s a scrabble board under the tree and an empty Tivo box (which I have yet to set up because I have yet to figure out why it doesn’t love me because I have yet to find the time). My hair smells like dye. Kate is making old woman noises. Life seems so normal, but all I can think is: it’s been a year.

Where there's a thrill, there's a way!

2006-11-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

Good news for Adventure Seekers! Well, at least for this one. I’m setting my plans for spring break and it’s looking like a Colorado friends reunion in our nation’s capital. Look out, Washington, D.C., here we come!! I’m a girl who loves to look forward to thrills to come and this one promises to be a blast. Thanks to Kerry for organizing the fun and excitement. We’re thinking about March 9-14 (ish) and I’m hoping some of the trees will be in bloom by then. I love blooming trees, even a bud would set me all twirly. Either way, I’m going somewhere new and I have a new adventure to cross off my list.

I have a test on Thursday that I should be studying for, but the gloomy mist of this morning has cleared off and all I want to do is be rebellious. I’ve been antsy all day and I feel like I’ve taken a big dose of happy! Test shmest! I’d rather write in my blog, respond to emails, wander out onto my balcony and let the sunlight wash over me. I don’t even care about the cliché I just use (oh, who am I kidding, I use clichés left and right and criticizing them is just part of the fun!). Winter hasn’t really started yet and I’m already excited for it to leave. I really can only take about a month of actual winter weather (by the time January rolls around, I’ve had my fill). Sar (my sis) and I were talking about how the season’s change your personality. I much prefer summer Dana. Winter Dana listens to more depressing music; it’s not that she’s less happy, its just that she finds calm in different things.

Fun Halloween Pics

2006-11-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

Dressed as Hermoine for Halloween

There are no words...

Rhonda looks smokin! Mortals beware

Josh wasn't really dressed as a rodent; Tyler chose an interesting time to throw the raccoon...

Hmm, lets try this again...
So, a gangsta, a geisha, and a cowboy are sitting on a couch...

So, The Crow, a bee, and Marilyn are sitting on a couch...(boy that couch gets around)

Blue Skies?

2006-11-04T15:23:00.000-07:00

Any happy little thought.

2006-11-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

I’m not going to lie; the last couple of weeks have been shitty. I’m tired of writing about being sad and depressed. I was so up and down all the time and I wrote a lot (so much that I actually started think I could use writing as an outlet and write a novel. November is National Novel Writing Month; 30 days, 50,000 pages. It would be interesting to try and pull that off while I’m in the thick of the busy season (read: right before finals in grad school). I doubt the novel will actually happen because when it comes to writing I’m kind of a quitter, but it was really nice to discover it as an outlet again. I’m not sure I even want to reread the stuff ever again. I’m certainly not going to post them here. End parenthetical). Yesterday was the first day in two weeks that I felt happy being alone. Usually happiness has been accompanied by people around me trying to cheer me up and distract me, so when I’ve been left alone, I really didn’t like it. There was only me and my thoughts and I still hadn’t gotten enough of them out into the computer to be left with them and only them. Drat those thoughts. So yesterday, on my way home from work I stopped at the gas station to get hot chocolate. Not for anything else, just hot chocolate. It was wonderful: hot, smooth, chocolatey, thick even. Some of the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had. So I drove home and listened to the Killers, something else I haven’t done in while. The Killers remind me of my sister and of driving to Iowa. It may sound silly, but when I first started coming to Iowa, there were times that I really loved the drive. I’ve know for a while that I thrive on anticipation and I think I needed 9 hours to prepare myself for what awaited me in Iowa, so I listened to the Killers to feel calmer and sing loudly.

Sarah: I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I miss you! I hope you are doing well and I really hope you go to Spain in the Fall. I finally hung out with Betsey. It had been a while and I always fell better after being around her. I told her that Sarah would be going to Spain in the Fall and she said: Really? Oh! I want to go visit her! Not only will Sarah have a blast in Spain, but apparently, we all want to come visit you.

Life hasn’t been perfect, but it even if it is, it rarely stays that way. This is an entry with happy thoughts and I’m going to keep it that way. :)

Currently listening to: Believe me Natalie

Remember the arch of roses
Right above your couch
Forget what they said in Soho
Leave the oh-no's out
Yes, there is an old cliche
Under your Monet, baby

You left the station now to the floor
With speculation, what was it for?
In that old hallway
Moses, why don't you say
You've been away for a long time

Believe me, Natalie
This is your last chance
To find a go-go
Forget what they said in Soho
And walk away
If my dreams for us can't get you through
Just one more day
It's alright by me

God help me somehow
There's no time for survival left
The time is now...

Read Rob's Blog First

2006-10-20T14:32:00.000-06:00

I found out that I probably have a project for my creative component. When I found out, the first thing I wanted to do was call Rob. He’s my best friend and I feel like I can’t call him anymore. I know that I could, but that wouldn’t make any of this any easier. When did it all stop working? He seemed to think things weren’t working for us for a while. Why didn’t I? I though things were just a little rough, but they’d get better. You know, you hit a rough patch and then you work on it, and it gets better. I guess that’s not what it was. I feel shock. Anytime I let myself think about it, I just become this miserable mess. I don’t want to let it wash over me. I know that things weren’t quite right near the end. I’m sure I’ll eventually realize that it was all for the best. Right? I don’t know, I keep second guessing all of it. Last night, Rob seemed to have a clearer head about where we were going. I don’t think I was ready to hear it. Couldn’t we have waited? Worked on it? I’m sure I’ll realize it was all for the best. I don’t know what to do.

2006-10-20T08:38:00.000-06:00

Rob and I broke up.

Curing the wanderlust

2006-10-10T10:12:00.000-06:00

As far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted to go places, to leave life behind for a little and travel. I know I have a romanticized notion of traveling, but it doesn’t really matter. Traveling makes me so excited that the anticipation alone is always worth the journey. Putting me in a car ride or the plane flight somewhere new is like setting a kid in front of a present on Christmas; there it is, the perfect gift, just waiting to be opened. No matter how the trip goes, no matter what the present is, it will be a surprise. I like that kind of surprise. I can’t ever remember a bad vacation. They just aren’t bad. I mean, I can think of plenty of things that could go wrong, but even that is part of the fun (because no matter how bad your excursion is, just think of the story it will make when you come home).

And in a few months, I might actually be going to Europe. Me! Although I have thought of going to Europe many times, this is the first time in my whole life that I can remember actually halfway believing I’d go. The big problem has always been companionship. I needed someone to go with. Not only do I not want to get lost in Italy by myself, I want to have someone to talk about how stupid we were when we get back. Hey, remember the time we got lost in Italy? So the reason I look at the situation seriously this time? Because I got someone to almost agree to go with me (I’ll take what I can get). Who would that be? One Miss Stephanie Jennings. No pressure, saj, but I’m already giddy. I’m planning and plotting places to go, and if you change your mind, I just don’t know what I’ll do (maybe find a travel group to go with…anything! I must go!).

I’m newly addicted to the travel channel (which of course is really helping my with my travel obsession). Among other things, I recently watched a special on the Star Princess. The cruise ship that could. I don’t know how I feel about watching shows about things I want to do, places I want to see, cruise ships that could take over the world. It just makes me more anxious.

Back to Planet Iowa
So Rob moved this weekend. I’m glad I’m not going to be moving anywhere for a while. I’ve had my fill of packing and boxes. Expect some pictures to be posted soon. I think this weekend we’ll be painting his basement. It’s a nice place to hang out and watch movies because it is so dark, but it’s almost a little too dark. Rob referred to it as dungeon-y. I also think in the next few weekends we’ll be doing other various house things, like a trip IKEA (yay for Sweeden). I have to remember to be good and actually still do some homework on the weekends. I’ll have to find time to relax during the week because the weekends look to be busy busy.

By far my favorite part of Rob’s new house is the porch, which he tells me is exactly the reason Pam moved there in the first place (or at least one of the reasons). It's a screened in Wonderland. We arranged some of the furniture, and although it doesn’t look perfect, the couch angles to look out into the backyard. There’s something so safe and comforting about that porch. It is a good place to find Smaug, or Meowers (sometimes she gets tired of the basement), or Dana (who is hiding from the unpacking).

Hold the insomniac all night.

2006-10-06T02:56:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite songs I heard at an a cappella concert years ago. I ran right home and downloaded it (some east coast a cappella group: the Xtension Chords). There’s something calming about it; I can’t help but be reminded of it tonight. It’s three in the morning and I can’t sleep. Who knows why. I had a hard enough time getting to sleep in the first place. I’m blaming the iced tea I had with dinner. I know it isn’t a lot of caffeine, but to a caffeine sensitive gal such as myself, any caffeine that late in the day is not a good idea. I woke up in a panic, worried about one of my classes that I teach. Lying in bed wasn’t solving the problem, so I moseyed to the computer and started searching online; I think I’ve now resolved the issue, but the damage has been done. The adrenaline the anxiety caused has already been put into my bloodstream. Now I just have to hope that my body wants to make good use of the next two hours before I get up to start the day’s vigorous round of homework (I know I make it sound like chemotherapy, but I’ve been working nonstop all week in order to help with moving and packing stuff). If this post sounds random, that's because it is coming from a sleep starved 4 a.m. Dana.

I’m so excited for Halloween. It’s my happy thought. If Tinkerbelle taught me nothing else, it’s that we need happy thoughts (and fairy dust I suppose). Otherwise, there would be no flying.

Yesterday was a good day. I got a lot of homework done. Watched Grey’s Anatomy. Ate ice cream twice (my idea of “social splendor”). Went to yoga and played racquetball.

One of my favorite movies is Sliding Doors. It’s witty, funny, cute, Britishy, and makes more than one reference to Monty Python. All good things. And it has lines like this:
"Having two milkshakes in one sitting is my idea of social splendor. It's one of the perks of being shallow." --James Hamilton (played by John Hannah)

Insomniac Lyrics
I can see you
Don't even know you
Fallin' into the sheets at night
Place my hands flat on my chest
I feel the heartbeat back the night
I've tried counting the sheep
And I talk to the shepard
And played with my pillow forever, ever
I sit alone and I watch the clock
I breathe in on the tick
And out on the tock

Chorus:
I can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
I don't have to have these dreams no more
And I found someone just to hold me tight
Hold the insomniac all night

I dig my head down deep
So I can't hear the cars
Outside on the street
And the stars are laughin'
They get a kick out of my misery
I've tried everything short of Aristotle
Took Dramamine and whiskey bottle
Pray for the day when my ship comes in
And I can sleep the sleep of the just again

we all fall down

2006-09-28T21:37:00.000-06:00

I was going to write about how much I love the fall. The colors are very pretty. There’s a nice chill in the air. But instead I just feel anxious. I can understand why this season makes me anxious. I have a lot of unfortunate feelings associated with fall like school starting. But really, it isn’t the season that’s making me feel this way. It’s really unfortunate that I give fall such a bad rap. But I do.

I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with school. There is suddenly so much uncertainty. I have one student alone that’s giving me an ulcer. I’m probably being too nice to her, but I don’t want to be mean. I know it isn’t my job to be nice, but I also believe in giving people chances. I think she’s just taking my chances and running away with them. There they go. Bye bye chances.

And then there is Rob. Most of you know by now that Rob is moving. To Des Moines. In 10 days. I knew he would move to DM eventually, but it’s all happening very quickly. I think most people are happy for him. It’s good for him; he shouldn’t have to live so far away from work. He’ll be closer to his family and a lot of his friends. He gets his own washer and dryer. For me, Rob moving is like Christmas. I don’t mean that I’m looking forward to it. It’s just that during the Christmas season, I know Christmas is coming. However, that knowledge that it is coming doesn’t mean that it has actually hit me. It’s the same way with this move. I know it’s happening, but I’m having a hard time processing the idea. This has all happened in a span of less than a month. I’d like to think as far as Rob and I are concerned, it really isn’t that big of a deal. I’ll get to see him every weekend (at least for the parts where I’m not doing homework). I’ll get to see him on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I’ll be in DM anyway. But what if it’s a Monday and I’m having a panic attack and he doesn’t live 4 minutes away anymore and he can’t come over and calm me down and be all great and wonderful and supportive? The thing I’m most afraid of, though, is this: right now Rob and I have very different lives, but they still intersect. A little. And when he moves…well, we’ll see. I didn’t really want to blog about this for the longest time. I told myself I’m blog about it when it seemed real, and when I though it was going to happen. It doesn’t really seem real, but when is it going to? On October 7th when I’m moving boxes into his new house? I know people go through relationships where they don’t get to see each other that often (weeks or even months go by for some). I don’t really have a point anymore, I’m just tired of talking about it.

smiling is out...

2006-09-20T17:01:00.000-06:00

As I was looking through my photos, I noticed I had more of Rob pouting than anyone else combined

Steph heard about a previous "angry" picture and didn't want to be left out

I think he's making fun of me...

Scott loves to have his picture taken!

Where do I keep finding these?

I don't know who's tougher...Joanna or Anthony

...

Justin is outraged that we asked him if he wanted a drink

Somehow these pictures make me laugh. Why is that?

Kate think's she looks pretty cool in my glasses

I was wrong. It looks like I came out about even in "Rob is not smiling" pictures.

Oh, look, I fell over

Read: Dana's a dork

2006-09-19T10:54:00.000-06:00

Today it is cold outside. I don’t mean cold as in my-oh-my it’s freezing out and I’m pretty sure if I stay outside longer than five minutes I’ll get frostbite. I mean that it is the first cold day after the end of summer. That day that signals the end of warm humid days. Suddenly you notice that there are leaves on the ground and you’re futilely wishing you’d though to bring your coat, or at least to have worn shoes instead of flip-flops (read: Kate).

Current Temperature: 50 degrees and cloudy
Current Mood: procrastinatory

Last night in my grant writing class I learned that not everyone counts “procrastination” among their constant or even occasional habits. Somehow this loss of procrastinators in the world saddened me a little. I though surely that procrastination was something I could bond about with most people. News Flash: Dana isn’t always right (but don’t tell Rob). I think everyone needs a little, but I fear today is calling to be the mother of all procrastination days: stay in bed with a book, snuggled up under the covers, smiling at your lamp as it brings warm light to a room grayed by the clouds outside.

Recent photographic evidence (of me) has pointed a new and distinct pose in picture taking these days. Why smile when you can frown (or scowl or just in general defy the camera-taking principles of happiness)? Who really knows where those feelings come from? Maybe it’s that I’m still doing quite a bit of homework on the weekends (which I really hate and try try try to avoid), even though I still get up at 6 everyday and go go go until 8 or 9 at night. Sometimes one must procrastinate! I have a new technique even. I’m always looking for viable ways to procrastinate homework/paper grading and I have a new one. Judge for yourself.

Over the summer I had the misfortune to lose my glasses (read: I got drunk and to keep from losing them I put them in my purse; they of course managed to leap out sometime in the night. Well, come on, these things happen). I don’t have especially bad vision; I can legally drive without glasses, so I just didn’t bother to go back to the eye doctor right away. They really just help correct my astigmatism, which does lead to eye-strain headaches (read: the doctor says my eyes are football shaped and that focusing quickly isn’t my strong suit). So, naturally, school started up again and I started focusing a lot more and, well, headaches. Before my eye exam (yet another reason I didn’t want to get new glasses; they put weird drops in your eye!) I filled out the ever-popular paper work, and decided it was time to check the box next to: interested in contact lenses. My eyes appeared to be within the magical range of eyes that can wear contacts, so with only one set of drops (if the eye doctor ever gives you drops that he claims will make your eyes a little sticky, just go with it. You don’t really want to know what they’re for), I was told to come back when I had time for a “contact fitting” (read: people don’t like to touch their eye, so teaching them how to stab their corneas with a small piece of plastic takes a little time and getting used to). So last Saturday I went in for my fitting. I got in at about 9:20; at 10:20 I’d finally managed to get both contacts in my eyes (I know a lot of it was in my head because as soon as I got one it, it took very little time to get the other in. Plus, I’m in my head a lot). After adjusting to them a little, Michelle (my very nice contact insertion instructor) thought maybe I should try taking one out. That didn’t go too well. I had to leave the optometrist, go watch the first half of the Iowa/Iowa State game (read: the good half), and then trek back to the optometrist. Michelle thought it would be good for my eyes to get a break (I hear jabbing yourself in the eye hurts if you do it long enough). I think it took me about another hour before I managed this technique of removing the contact.

The best part? It took me forever and I didn’t do any homework! Go me. Sunday rolled around and I think I managed to get them in about 20 minutes. Rob had to talk me down off of the ledge, but I finally listened to reason. Again, plenty of time that wasn’t spent doing homework. Yesterday I gave my eyes a rest (read: my left eye was smarting a little from the abuse it received on Sunday). Today I barely made it out of bed in time to catch the bus for sunrise yoga. So before I go to work tonight, I have myself a nice little afternoon planned: 2 hours to shower, put in my contacts, and reward myself for putting in my contacts. What a way to procrastinate.

SSB

2006-09-08T16:10:00.000-06:00

It’s inevitable that when you have a roommate, she will discover your SSB (Secret Single Behavior). Honestly, it’s hard to keep it a secret for long, and who really wants to go through all that work. Occasionally, however, there comes a time when you really feel as though no one is watching you. You morph into the single creature, not worried about judgment or harassment. Today Kate came home to find me laying on the couch, watching Star Trek (read: Science Fiction dork), and eating pepper jack cheese (I might add that I was munching on the actual block of cheese itself. No knife necessary. The cheese block still bears my teeth marks). This got me to thinking about other things I do when I think no one is watching (and Kate doesn’t really count because I’m too comfortable around her to feel embarrassed about much anymore).

Dana’s SSB
1. I shave my legs on Friday (but just on Friday)
2. I consider pickles and cheese dinner
3. I plan my homework around times when CSI (or Project Runway or Grey’s Anatomy or anything else that sounds like a good show to plan homework around) is on
4. I “code” my closet: a) when at all possible, clothes are hung on hangers of the same color; b) my skirts are hung two to a hanger and each skirt has another skirt that it should be hanging with; c) I have two laundry baskets in my closet: one for dirty clothes and one for clothes that have been worn but have re-wearing potential (jeans especially).
5. I get up at 6 a.m. even though I don’t have class until 9:30 (I like to take walks, go to yoga, or clean in the morning…movement wakes me up)
6. This one is a little gross: I clip dead skin off of my feet with toe nail clippers
7. Hmmm, well, that’s all I can think of now…

However, I invite you, dear readers, to comment with your own SSB (read: totally at your most comfortable behaviour)!

The Places We Have Come to Fear the Most

2006-08-17T07:03:00.000-06:00

Nothing new to report, I’ve been lax in my blogging. I’m sure I’ll regale you all with tales of my trip to Colorado some time (or at least post some pictures), but now is not that time. Right now it is 7:45 in the morning and I am awake because I can’t sleep. All the things that have been bothering me this week have just accumulated in my head and now they have nowhere else to go. I oscillate between a state of worried to anger and then to guilt for feeling angry. I don’t know what to do. Sunday, August 6th was Rob’s birthday. It was also someone else’s birthday, whom Rob and I were supposed to have lunch with. Although I called her on her Birthday, she never called me back. And I finally swallowed my pride and wrote her an e-mail (my own phone is broken – I can listen to messages, I just can’t make any calls – I ordered one off of eBay; it should be here already, but it isn’t), but she hasn’t replied. I don’t understand. I feel like if something were really wrong, someone would call me to let me know. Then I start to wonder: what happened? What events transpired to bring about this lack of communication? What did I do? I don’t know, but I woke up this morning feeling so unhappy and missing my mom so much (I know she’d have some good advice about the whole thing, and we’d both feel better). All I want is to call her. Just her voice alone would make me feel better. I usually talk to her every week (or more) and now it has been 13 days. She does not have an e-mail address, and the only way I can call anyone is using Rob’s phone (I still can text message, which has allowed me to squeak by thus far), but carrying on long conversations with other people while he’s around (and on his phone!) isn’t exactly proper social etiquette. I’m in a general state of dissatisfaction. And I miss my mom…

Trivial Talk

2006-08-15T11:45:00.000-06:00

There’s a new trend in the vogue world of traffic violations. Apparently red is out. I don’t know what hip new trendy color is taking it’s place, but as far as traffic is concerned, no one seems to understand how this old horse works any more. My favorite faux pas is the Red Light = Stop Sign. In broad daylight, and moderate traffic, I have witnessed several people: stop at the stoplight, apparently become frustrated to the point where they can no longer wait 30 seconds for the light to change, and drive right on through that red light. This is no longer in the vein of yellow means go really fast and oops I just happened to run a red light. Nope. Everyone falls for that moment of weakness (once in a while, every day, every light, I try not to judge too harshly for fear of donning the “hypocrite hat”). No, I’m talking about a deliberate stopping and waiting, looking around (probably to make sure there isn’t any oncoming traffic or even perhaps a police officer lurking several cars away), and driving merrily on through that red stop light. Another fashion that never quite caught on with some is the right-turn-green-arrow. This accessory compliments a red light nicely, but sadly not all fellow drivers agree. Some seem confused by it. They wonder if the accessory is really the fashion for them (you can tell this type by the hesitant edging forward that goes on when this elusive arrow presents itself. Do they go? Is it OK!?). Others just flat out refuse to change. Red lights just shouldn’t wear such risqué accessories and therefore these drivers just go on pretending not to notice. Finally (and forgive me if I’ve forgotten anyone who annoys you – or you yourself), my personal favorite is the driver who has a slight case of tunnel vision/cell phoneitis. They’re a bit distracted but very excited by the green arrow. Wait for these drivers to evolve from what first seems the obstinate type. Before long they’ll jam on the gas, squeal the tires, and head around that corner so fast, you’ll wonder if you even saw them at all.

Well, that’s all the complaining I can muster in one session. Stay tuned.

Catty remarks

2006-07-05T22:51:00.000-06:00

Tonight is my last night in Ankeny, where I’ve been cat/condo-sitting. Rob and I had a nice dinner/ice cream/reading of Harry Potter, and now that he’s left, I’m entertaining myself watching Sex a la City. I think this entry is going to be a marathon (or sprint, depending on how tired I am) through the major topics.

Travel News:
Next Wednesday I’ll be driving over to Lincoln to visit my mom (she’s taking care of her mom, who will be recovering from knee surgery). It’ll be a girls’ night (I’ll be staying with my Aunt Lisa and very very cute cousin Bella) and there’ll be cats to play with, old movies to watch, and plenty of laughter.

On July 29, Rob and I will be driving to Colorado to stay there a couple of days. I’m exited for him to meet my friends and see my family again. I think we’ll be going to the Renaissance Festival, mini-golfing at my favorite place, hiking in the mountains; I’m still not sure what to put on the list, but I do think a list is necessary (I don’t want him to be exhausted from driving around constantly for 6 days, but I don’t want to miss out on something great because I didn’t get my list-act together).

Independence Day
Rob and I watched the parade from his apartment (my favorite part about this is that Smaug sat in the window with us, purring, and batting at bugs on the other side of the screen). After Kate and I went to Ankeny to take care of the kitties, we went back to Ames for a BBQ in the park (fun with Frisbee, bratwurst, gooey brownies, conversation, volleyball, and bare feet) with some English Grad Students. Later came fireworks on Rob’s roof. Now I’m fizzling out and I think my thoughts aren’t completing themselves.

My Weekend Charges

2006-07-03T06:30:00.000-06:00

Lilly and Lucky

Junior

Sadie and Gracie

I left my heart in Des Moines

2006-07-01T14:40:00.000-06:00

Last night was one of the funnest nights of my life. I had so much fun, I don’t even care that funnest is grammatically incorrect. It all started innocently enough. Rob just happened to mention to me that he was planning on going to a concert with some work friends on Friday night. I didn’t think much of it; I just figured it would be a local band or whatnot, and I already had hesitant plans with Kate. I’ve always enjoyed the local shows I’ve been to see, back in Colorado. Andrea and I used to go to them together. Andrea and I’s friendship all started when we were working at Linens-N-Things together a couple of years ago. We hadn’t known each other that long but she asked me, out of the blue, if I would like to go to a concert with her that weekend. One of her favorite bands was in town: Sister Hazel. I could hardly believe my ears. Sister Hazel is one of those bands I’ve always loved. Their music is so upbeat and happy (perfect for me). We had a blast. It was at this little theater in Denver called the Bluebird, which has the charming distinction of keeping all the under 21ers in the balcony. Everyone else can go out on the main floor in front of the stage (that’s the floor where the bar is), and that included the two of us. We were so close and there was plenty of room; no worries about 6ft tall, broad-shouldered men blocking the view of 5’3” (me) and 5’1” (Andrea). After that fateful night (which was the best concert I’d ever attended), we were friends, not just co-workers. We swapped CDs, went to more concerts, paraded around at clubs; general merriment had all around. So Thursday night rolls around and as Rob and I were heading to dinner, I asked what concert he was planning to see. Sister Hazel ; he said the words a little awkwardly, as though the bands name was very foreign to him (which, to be fair, it was). I nearly had a panic attack (I actually almost did; one of my biggest pet peeves is being left out. I don’t know why, but it makes me so sad. The though that I could have missed out on Sister Hazel again in concert made me nervous. No one wants to find out that a great band played last night. They say regrets are useless, but I’ve still had that nagging feeling when the situation has arisen in the past). So, last night we went to dinner at the Continental (excellent crab cakes) and then to the concert. Even though most of our little party had had 3ish drinks by the time the band came on (9:00), no one wanted to move from the lawn chairs to go down and stand in front of the stage. I hate sitting at concerts. I begged Megan to go down with me; she promised she would, but only after she finished her drink. Priorities she said. I understood; I was still glad another Sister Hazel fan was there. However, after battling with the fear of standing in front of the stage with just strangers for company, and the thought of finishing my own beer, they started to play one of my favorite songs (not to difficult a feat since I know all the words to many). I left my half-finished beer in my chair and skipped down to the stage. Good concerts are such a high for me. I love to dance, sing, smile, get sweaty, go deaf, clap wildly. Soon, beer finished, Megan joined me. It was Justin’s birthday, so we felt duty bound to drag him down with us next. It wasn’t long before Rob tired of sitting up on the lawn without us. The concert was amazing. Right on the edge of the Des Moines River; a lively lead singer; talented musicians; and near the end of the concert, the city started lighting off fireworks. I couldn’t stop smiling. I actually even cried later in the evening, just from trying to contain all the happiness. By the end of the night, we’d been to a couple more bars, been dancing, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun.

Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
Brief as the lightning in the collied night.
- A Midsummer Night's Dream

BAM!

2006-06-29T18:01:00.000-06:00

I have a very hard time focusing while hungry. I’m sure my problem is not singular in this arena, but there it is. I’ll be going along, doing my homework, and then BAM! I want a cheeseburger! The sole purpose of writing this entry is to distract myself from the hunger pangs as I finish “working.” I’m stuck here no matter what. McDonalds (incidentally, and funnily enough, this is the Norwalk McDonalds where Renee works) is just a few blocks away, but can I satisfy my craving? No. I must sit here, thoroughly unoccupied (once homework has been finished) and wait for someone to come in and tell me they need to get the key for the clubhouse this weekend. For someone who has the luxury of such an “unstressful” job, as it was originally described to me, the occasional incident does occur. I like it here because I can do my homework. Otherwise, I’d be doing a coffee house like the rest of the Amesians, paying someone else to let me sit around and drink stuff. BAM! I want a peachy keen fruit smoothie! Occasionally I forget that this is actually a job and that the homework might not get done if people are yelling at me because they're on the do-not-give-keys-to-people-on-this-list list, or the phone is ringing, or Mr. Rash on Cranberry Ct. is panicking because his wife crossed off the day he had reserved at the clubhouse (he had a lovely surprise Birthday shebang all lined up, and the caterers are coming and everything!). Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem doing my job (mostly because it’s nice to feel like I earned my meager paycheck every once in a while), it’s just that the winter was very calm, and the summer seems to breed all kinds of panic.

Kate and I made a pact a couple of weeks ago that our second summer job would be to work out Monday-Friday. That started on the 19th. So far, we’ve only skipped one day. I think that’s a pretty good track record. It helps to have someone to disappoint (unfortunately, on the missed day in question, we both decided that we wanted to go out for Mexican and watch Bridget Jones instead of going to the gym; sometimes roommates fall in synch like that. BAM! I want a cheese enchilada!). I was feeling really good about the whole working out thing last week, but this week I haven’t been feeling so hot. I think it’s because of the tragedy of me losing my glasses. I can see alright without them, but I tend to get headaches without them. Today is my first headache, but the rest of the week I’ve had this strange pressure in my head that made me feel unmotivated and unhappy. Unhappy is not my natural state; it doesn’t suit me very well. Occasionally I like a bout of morose complaining, but that just secretly makes me happy.

I had Flying Burrito for lunch today. That place is not Chipotle, but I will admit it’s growing on me. As the girl was folding my tortilla to close up the burrito, she commented that it was a very “juicy” burrito. That only made me more excited. I’ve always been a fan of dipping. Why a food that hardly needs to be dipped because it’s already bursting to release cheese queso, lime juice, pork marinade, etc. is alright with me. BAM! I want another juicy burrito!

Not to be missed...

2006-06-28T20:51:00.000-06:00

Art Festivus!

My Parents' Home

Me and Sar

Electronic Deficiency (It sounds serious, I know; I’m looking into it)

2006-06-28T20:37:00.000-06:00

I offer up no excuses this time. I’m just forgetful (oh and I think my life is a bit boring so I just read about everyone else’s instead). Scott made an interesting comment today. He, Kate, and I were at Santa Fe Espresso doing homework. He gave me his best hurt puppy dog look (I’m sure he didn’t, but it just sounds more fun if I tell it that way) and asked why I hadn’t accepted his request to be my facebook friend. What could I say? Having been a thoroughly electronically deficient personage the past few weeks, I could at least tell him with perfect honesty that my snubbing was not exclusive, and that I had e-mails, facebook requests, myspace comments, a blog gathering dust, bank accounts, etc. All requiring my attention and me with no excuse to offer. (oh, and Rob, in case you’re listening, Scott mentioned that unless you start updating your blog more, you’re going to lose your readership).

I have been reading and watching Jane Austinish things, so, pray, forgive me in advance for any serious missteps or grammar obscurities. Or if you find me hither and thithering about, I could mention I popped in a bit of Bridget Jones for lunch. Often that British accent works it’s way into my head and I have a much harder time of it getting it out that even my own dialect. Hopefully your good opinion of me (if it was wending it’s way around that direction) won’t be lost forever.

I spent the weekend of June 9-11 at my parents’ house in Colorado. Although it was a short trip, it was the only weekend that would work out for both my mom and me, and it just happened to fall right before my class started. However, it was a thoroughly wonderful weekend. I forgot to take any pictures of my friends while I was there, so if any of you Colorado kids are reading, please e-mail me a few. The pictures you do see posted are the hiking trail Andrea and I braved one of Boulder Valley.

My linguistics class is taking up a lot of my free time during the day. I simultaneously like it and am frustrated by it.

Ahh, I hear the cicadas and see some lightning bugs. It’s dusk and I want to be outside (where I most surely will get bitten!).

One little kitten

2006-05-30T20:50:00.000-06:00

I went over to Betsey’s tonight after I got off of work. She said she had a couple of things she wanted to give me. When I got there, she came in from working in the garden; we went upstairs to look at the kitten. She went into the closet first and I heard her gasp. I think he’s dead, she said. She pulled the kitten out of its box. It looked eerily stiff. No, she said and started to cry. She held it in a washcloth, pressing down on its chest with her finger, trying to get its heart to beat. I don’t understand how this happened; I just checked on him an hour ago and he seemed fine. She kept petting it with the washcloth; Lucy was walking around our ankles. I didn’t know what to say. It seemed lame to say I was sorry, but I did. We went outside and buried it in the garden. Lucy’s going to be so confused, she said. When we went back upstairs, Lucy was still in the closet. Lucy was talking in a way that I had never heard her talk before. Betsey picked her up for a second. Lucy doesn’t usually like to be held for too long and wriggles. I knew Betsey and I were both wondering: what went wrong? Lucy climbed into her nest expectantly. It seems so stupid to say, but she looked confused. I knelt down to pet her head, and that’s when I started to cry. Betsey and I hugged and cried. It just felt so strange. One little kitten.

Proud momma

2006-05-28T13:23:00.000-06:00

This weekend is a good one for me. I’m working a couple extra shifts at a clubhouse in Des Moines. This is all very good because I was recently informed that because of the ladybug tattoos Sarah and I got last July, I can’t donate any plasma until this July. Plasma donation was going to be my “second job” this summer; hence, I’m happy to be working a little more this weekend. I’m also house-sitting for Betsey this weekend.

This house was purchased in a state of disrepair. I can remember all too well knocking down lats and plaster. Although it is nowhere near finished, the before and after pictures of Betsey and George’s bedroom should give you some idea.

Before Betsey left this weekend, she was hoping Lucy, her pregnant Persian, would give birth (the kittens were due Thursday). I’ve never been around an overdue cat, and I was a little nervous. What if something went wrong? I’m certain this fear stems from a Christmas story my mom used to read to me. Betsey assured me, however, that Lucy is a very good mother, and that there was a veterinarian near by just in case something went wrong. On Saturday morning, I got up to go to work. All the cats were talking to me. Lucy was very friendly. Shelley wanted to play in my laundry. Charlie pretended he didn’t want me to notice him, but he kept mysteriously following me around until I filled up the food bowl (which had food already in it, by the way, but he wanted the “new” food).

I left the house, and when I came back from work at two, I couldn’t find Lucy. I figured she had probably found a safe place to have her babies, but none of the “safe places” Betsey had set up for her were occupied. Nor was she under any of the beds. I went around the house, calling “Lucy!” Charlie and Shelley thought this was great fun, and followed me around as I called for her. They were acting very strange. Every time I called Lucy’s name, Shelley would meow. Charlie just kept giving me meaningful looks. Finally, I said to him, “Charlie, where’s Lucy?” “Where’s Lucy?” I asked again. I followed him as he pranced through Betsey and George’s bedroom and into their walk-in closet. He sauntered over to the wall where Betsey keeps here shoes, but I saw no Lucy.

I looked under the shoes. I looked on the piles of clothes. I saw no Lucy. I asked Charlie my question again. He meowed. Still I couldn’t see Lucy. Well thanks Charlie I sighed. He walked over to the chair right outside the closet, laid down, and looked at me smugly. Fine I thought, take a nap. The rest of the afternoon I looked for Lucy, but never found her. Rob came by and we went to go see X-Men and get dinner. When we came back, we sat on the couch. Shelley came down the stairs. Lucy came down the stairs. She was meowing very insistently. I rushed over to her. After talking to us for a couple of minutes, and wandering around downstairs, Lucy finally led us upstairs, still mewing. She led me…through Betsey’s bedroom and into the walk-in closet. I heard a tiny “mew.” Lucy walked right over to where Charlie had led me. She hopped onto the piles of clothes, and then into a box I hadn’t even noticed. It had some clothes, a stuffed pig, now Lucy, and a tiny white and black (cream and black?) baby kitten. Just one kitten. The kitten cried and Lucy purred, looking at me. Yes momma, I told her, you should be proud. And it was clear that she was. Very proud. I pat her head, scratched behind her ears. I looked over at the chair right outside the door and realized that Charlie had sat there all day, looking out for her.

This morning when I woke up, Lucy was waiting to show me her kitten. I gathered my things, but before I left, she made sure to show me the kitten again. Proud momma.

My secret passion: Dancing in the kitchen

2006-05-25T20:37:00.000-06:00

Ledges

2006-05-25T20:34:00.000-06:00

Rob and I took a sunset hike through Ledges

I had to set the timer and run to the bridge to take this one

I used to live in Colorado

2006-05-25T19:47:00.000-06:00

I used to live in Colorado. This detail seems to come up in any conversation I have lasting longer than 10 minutes. It’s one of my annoying habits. Just one. I have others. I’m not very good at finishing sentences. Not just sentences. Ideas. Thoughts. Words sometimes. This inability to finish things makes conversation difficult and often people seem frustrated with me. It’s also why I never seriously thought I’d be a very good writer. Stories should have endings, so I’m told. I’m not sure why I do it. Often my sentence, my mouth, is still on the topic at hand, buy my thoughts are already off on another tangent. It’s exhausting. I’m sure many other people have this problem. I like to think they are just better at hiding it than I am. I used to be a good hider. When life is less stressful, I seem much more in control of things. When I was 10, I always found the best hiding places when playing hide-and-go-seek with my 7-year-old sister. I don’t even remember where it was that I hid; I just remember my cunning ability to hide. In fact, I may not have been very good at hiding after all. I just have the memory of lording my superiority over my sister. I’m smarter. I hide better. She’s small, but she’ll never outwit me. She really is small. I heard a line from a movie once about a girl being a “little pocket rocket.” I don’t remember the movie, but that line fits the way I saw her perfectly. She’s tiny, cute, and she had a temper. I keep this in the past tense to avoid any confusion about what she is now. This is what she was. Now I just miss her. She still lives in Colorado. Although she recently confessed to my mom that she wanted to move to California, that trip has thankfully been put off at least until she graduates from college. She could graduate in a year. Who really finishes in four years anymore? My mom is glad she won’t be moving just yet. It was hard enough for my mom when I left.

I used to live in Colorado. The first twenty-three years of my life. Twenty-three and change. Three months of pocket change. I just turned twenty-four. Now I live in Iowa. Whenever I tell people this who do not live in Iowa, the usual reaction I get is a nose wrinkle. Or a blank stare. Or an: “Iowa? What’s in Iowa?” What is in Iowa? I don’t actually know. Well I know a little. Stinky hog-confinements; I just recently learned what a hog-confinement was, and let me tell you, I was less than thrilled. It’s exactly like it sounds. A big barn structure with hogs lined up end-to-end, and probably stacked one on top of the other. However, I’ve been told that the lack of exercise makes them juicer. Well thank goodness for that. I like cows better anyway, so lets save any of your cow confinements stories until after I find out about Santa Clause; I’m betting that his belly doesn’t really shake like a bowl full of jelly, but please, don’t spoil it for me. Iowa also has, in case you were wondering, a lot of corn. And soybeans. Curiously, though, I haven’t seen much of it. Or the hog confinements. I stick mostly to the “highly” populated areas of Iowa, and pigs, corn, and soybeans don’t make chatty neighbors. I heard a rumor, probably not true, that there is more of a profit in using corn as a renewable fuel source than selling it as a tasty snack. If in fact this is true, cool, but I thought I should put the disclaimer in there just in case. I don’t want to get a bad rep. Iowa also has polite drivers. Polite people. Polite drivers. This means that if you would like to get over on the Interstate, most people will let you get over. This also means that if you are stopped at a four-way stop, and the car to your right got to the stop sign a little ahead of you, s/he will wave at you until you go. No, no, I insist, you go. It’s annoying. I don’t know why it annoys me so much. It probably has to do with the fact that where I came from, everyone has instant replay in their heads, and everyone always knows whose turn it is at the four-way stop.

I used to live in Colorado. Colorado, where everyone drives perfectly. Yep. Doesn’t that just sound like the biggest bunch of crap? When I left Colorado, it was for a lot of reasons. I always get the: “Why would anyone leave Colorado?” If I had lived in Iowa for the first twenty-three years of my life and then moved to Colorado, I have a feeling I’d be writing about how Colorado drivers annoy me, and the tag for this rambling would have been: “I used to live in Iowa.” It’s mostly just part of my personality. I like to know that I have something colorful and interesting to offer to a conversation. Where I’m from is a part of what makes me different. I always wanted to show my sister that I could beat her, and Colorado is my competition with others. I’m the annoying kid on the playground that just moved who wont stop saying things like: “Well in Colorado,” “This one time, in Colorado,” and “Colorado is so much better than this because…” And yes, Colorado is beautiful. The mountains are gorgeous. It isn’t very humid, so even when it gets hot in the summer, it’s really not so bad; I can say that, having experienced summer days in the Carolinas, Nebraska, and now Iowa. I can’t sleep when I get really hot. Most nights, in the summer, the temperature in Colorado drops back down to the 50s and 60s because there isn’t humidity holding down the heat. The air is a lot thinner. Most cities along the Front Range, like Denver, are around 5,000 feet above sea level. Thinner atmosphere up there. My aunt Amy made a comment once that it felt like you could never quite catch your breath, that there was no substance to the air. I always thought summers in Nebraska, where she’s from, were suffocating. There was too much pressure in the air, and I felt like my lungs couldn’t filter through the soupy oxygen I was trying to breath in. I found out later that people in higher elevations develop elevated levels of red blood cells. This enables us to work with our “limited oxygen” air, which I’m guessing is why athletes who have to compete at high altitudes will go to the location weeks in advance to “acclimate” themselves. However, as much as I miss all this stuff about Colorado, what I miss the most is my family and old friends. The real kicker is that part of me wanted to move somewhere new for the change. I wouldn’t call myself a thrill-seeker, but I do love adrenaline. This is why I allow myself obsessions and why I think anticipation is one of the great experiences. Thus I need many things to anticipate. I used to think that I was cheating myself by always looking forward to things. I thought I just had to remember the phrase, live for the moment. I guess that all depends on how you look at it. I’ve discovered, however, that I’m usually the happiest when I’m looking forward to something. I don’t know how to say it in a way that doesn’t sound like a corny Hallmark greeting. I love that when I go to the card store, often Hallmark, a part of me is looking for something that screams: “This is the perfect card from me to you.” Well why wouldn’t something so mass-produced scream that to the people I love? Most of the people I love don’t live in Colorado anymore. I thought moving away would be an adventure. And it was. Adventures are great for adrenaline. I got to thrive on that idea for about 8 months. It was wonderful; 8 months of feeling like my life was going somewhere, without leaving my low-paying job. I was going to grad school. That meant that I wasn’t a loser anymore. In those 8 months my life had direction. My grandparents were proud of me, something that I still like to think about.

I used to live in Colorado. Now I live in Iowa. The problem with going on adventures is that you meet people you will eventually miss, and you miss people who were appendages to your last adventure. I’m now in the lazy summer between my two years as a graduate student. Pretty soon I’m going to need another plan, something else to thrive on. Right now, I see a lot of the past.

I used to live in Colorado.

In which I remember that I have a blog

2006-05-24T16:18:00.000-06:00

Recently I’ve been getting complaints from people for not writing in my blog; it’s not that I blame any of them, because to be perfectly honest, I haven’t been writing in it, so it’s not too hard to see where they’re coming from. After the semester ended, I told myself that I’d have more time to start writing in it, but it turns out that being lazy and sitting around my apartment doing nothing is more time-consuming that I first suspected. It has actually been 2 or 3 days since I’ve even checked my own e-mail. When I finally did check it today, there wasn’t much there but junk, and one from a student. I still have a student from last semester trying to entice me into the “change-my-grade” dance. I prefer the two-step. This laziness has been sort of nice, especially since this wasn’t my favorite semester, but it makes me feel a little useless. I’m not sure what the balance is, between feeling too busy and useless (I’m going to start by cleaning the apartment tomorrow).

Things to report
Today is the last day that I get to see Steph before she goes to Mexico, where she’ll be for about a month. This makes me sad. Steph and I have been playing racquetball together for the past few weeks (which really helps to make me feel less useless), and she is just generally fun and delightful.

Today we played racquetball for the last time, and it ended well (with me getting hit really hard in the face: my glasses went flying off, but the girly scream I made was by far the most exciting part).

Kate is coming back on Monday nightish – YAY! I’m hoping with her around the apartment, I won’t feel inclined to impersonate a slug any more.

Finally, June 9-11, I’m flying home to Colorado to see my family and some old friends (who really are family as well). Although Tyler will be in Alaska, everything else seems to be working out fairly well for that weekend (and my mom is buying my plane ticket, which is good since I’m not really making much money this summer).

Some of you may have considered that a cure for my sluggishness and lack of money might be a job, but I’m already going to say no to those insistences. I have my reasons, but the biggest one is that I get too wound up about most things, and if I’m ever going to survive the next year of grad school, I need to stop the hectic whirlwind, even if just for a month.

"Andy" will go far

2006-03-31T16:02:00.000-07:00

Right now I’m sitting in the lab on the 4th floor of Ross, waiting for Rob to get here (I’m waiting for Rob to get here because he had an interview today in Des Moines; he just called me whilst on his way back (he says it went pretty well…YAY!).) He, SAJ, and I are all staring a in a movie (well, the story really goes that SAJ and I had to come up with a creative way of presenting a work situation to our class on Monday, but we really needed someone else, preferably a guy, in our scenario; the only way to do this was to make a video, so I asked Rob if he would be so kind. His response: “Okay I’ll do it, because 1) I’m your boyfriend and 2) You’d be hard pressed to fine too many other guys in the department.” I’m glad he understands the direness of the situation). So now SAJ and I will be spending the better portion of our Friday night filming and editing the darn thing. I’m hoping the editing won’t take too long, but I refuse to leave SAJ here all alone to do it. It just doesn’t seem sporting. I do feel a little funny about the whole thing. As we were writing the script, SAJ and I realized that we would probably need two guys. That just seemed too much to hope for, so we decided one of us had to be “Andy.” And so here I sit, in the lab, dressed in a tie, white shirt, slacks, no makeup, hair pulled back, and a mind to be male.

Let's take at test!

2006-03-23T13:13:00.000-07:00

A good use of my free time in between my student’s coming in for conferences would be:
A) Reading Michel Foucault’s “Discursive Formations” (due Wednesday)
B) Writing my grocery list
C) Writing a new blog entry
D) Daydreaming about napping

Yeah, I’m going to go with C. If you don’t agree, you can either:
A) Stop reading right now
B) Complain to your local congressperson
C) Eat cheese (well, why not?)
D) Agree

So, at this point, I’m assuming we’ve all agreed, or we’re munching on a nice block of Muenster. Never take a test on an empty stomach (I’ve got cherry pop tarts).

My favorite Seattle picture is:
A)
B)
C)
D)

The order of the pictures is a little deceptive; I actually took the one of the waterfall before the one of the view of Seattle, which is why the view of Seattle has a gray blur. It’s a water spot on my lens, not a UFO (or is it?).

I’m having a hard time being my usual chipper self these days. I just tend to let stress take over my life, until I don’t work out anymore, want to take naps all the time (but have consumed way too much caffeine to do anything other than be comatose), and find myself spacing out occasionally.

Tonight I’m planning on running myself down to Des Moines to visit Betsey. Bella, our 8 year-old cousin, is staying with her and George for a few days, so I’m glad to have the excuse to see members of my family. Plus, Betsey is having a Pampered Chef party, and although Rob claims he has been to enough Pampered Chef parties for one guy, I’ve never been and I’m totally in it just for the free food. Hopefully much later this evening will involve me getting to spend some time with Rob (and his mistress, the “creative component”?).

Falling in love is hard on the aspartame...

2006-03-02T10:13:00.000-07:00

Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi makes me think of falling in love. For starters, it’s disgustingly sweet, in a way that you know wont last because that false aftertaste from the aspartame will hit you eventually. Plus there’s the wild cherry on top of everything else, masking…masking what? Nothing. What you’re left with when it’s all over is…nothing. No calories, no substance, just a little caffeine high that will fade and an overabundance of phosphorous from the carbonation that will weaken your bones when you get older.

Well, that’s what cynical Dana says, at any rate. But today, I sat down to eat lunch by myself at the memorial union on campus. I have to grade 36 papers today (I’ve currently whittled it down to 26), so I decided to treat myself and buy my lunch. I also bought a Wild Cherry Pepsi, which I haven’t had since December. I was addicted during finals, but drank too much of it, and haven’t been inclined to buy it since. However, today, when I opened the bottle and smelled the artificial wild cherry-ness, imagine my surprise when I smiled and thought of falling in love. During finals was also when I was falling in love with Rob, and the smell made me think of how ridiculously happy a person can be, despite all the lack of sleep/intense studying. Silly girl.

I like my thoughts on Wild Cherry Pepsi. I get to sound bitter and cynical, which I love to do, and be sappy and romantic, which tragically I am.

Peppering the Mint

2006-02-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

I wish I had something more interesting to put here than my dreams. Well, I don’t want to recap the cucumber bugs (and trust me, you don’t want me to either). Currently I’m sitting on the couch, waiting for motivation to tell me to get ready for class, or at least grab a hit of caffeine—honestly, I don’t think that I should be aloud to function without my Diet Coke or English Breakfast.

That English Breakfast is made at the Celestial Seasonings factory in Boulder, CO. I went on a tour of the factory a few years ago, and by far the most memorable part: the Peppermint Room. You’re walking innocently through the factory, which looks very drab and factoryish and there it is: a brightly painted red and white garage door. The tour guide warns us that the fumes from the peppermint room can be quite overwhelming; a few members (well the guys, this is a high school tour after all) of the group chuckle. She opens the door, and a couple people walk in. I stand just outside the door and feel as though I’ve been hit by a wave of smell, a wave of peppermint. The people inside the room look like they’re being slowly tortured; first by the knowledge that the room contains “just peppermint” and that they’re tough enough to stand it, and second by the knowledge (and fact) that they are openly weeping in front of the tour guide, the class, and the peppermint. I bought a nice box of Bengal Spice at the end of the tour. That was the brand they were brewing in the factory that day, and I’d had my fill of anything reminiscent of peppermint.

A trip to the fridge reveals no Diet Coke, so I’m going to have to get my act together to pull off a mug of tea before I run out of the apartment.

Dana the sad "blogger"

2006-02-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

It's hard to get motivated to post anything here when I know no one is reading it....

Adventures in Sleeping

2006-01-31T07:23:00.000-07:00

Even though my head knows that I won’t get to see much of Rob this week, that still didn’t stop me from falling asleep on the couch last night while we were doing our homework. I seem to be doing this a lot as of late. The last few movies we’ve watched together (on the same couch) I’ve only managed to catch the first few minutes before dozing off (and apparently snoring). I blame the couch. It lulls me to sleep. I knew it was too comfortable for it’s own good.

Something is definitely amiss. I remembered my dreams again last night, and I’m telling you, this never happens. I was on a hill with a group of people, ready to throw a coup (against whom I know not), when a large truck decides to charge us. It chases us all over the countryside, finally into a ditch (at which point I get the overwhelming sense that I’ve done this before). We manage to outrun the truck, though, and scale a rock wall at the end of the ditch, just in time for my alarm to go off. I remember think how tired I was as I ran through the ditch. It’s probably my body’s way of telling me that I have a long way to go before I’m even in shape to walk the BolderBOULDER in a decent time.

Also, today I figured out how to make links in my posts as well as give them titles. Now, I'm pretty sure I have a readership of about 3, but hey, I'm excited about it! (I can be friends with technology!!!)

Professor Plum (or as Kate says: "Plummy")

2006-01-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

Here it is...finally!!! Yay for the "plum" couch. And drat, I'm late for class, so now I have to figure out a way to say goodbye to the couch, the news, and my cup of tea...

I proclaim today: National Couch Day

2006-01-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

Dreams are funny things. I rarely ever remember my own. Usually it requires some sort of conscious knowledge on my part of my surroundings. Often when I’m not sleeping well, the conscious brain is able to grasp a part of those dreams (which really just means that whenever I’m stressed out, I don’t sleep very well, and therefore the dreams I’m remembering are things that ought to just stay buried—such as anxiety dreams about grading papers). Today I was dreaming about navigating a river (who knows what came before that). I was just swimming down the river. I came to a stopping point about to enter the rapids. I realized I had to say goodbye to my friends and family before I entered the river, but before I had a chance, the rapids swept my away. It was a very calm feeling (and surprisingly smooth considering how many uprooted trees I’d seen pass down these rapids before me). Fortunately, I still had my cell phone (who knows why water doesn’t damage imaginary cell phones). I called Rob to tell him goodbye, but no answer. I suddenly realized, in a panic, that it was between 11 and 1, and that I was, under no certain circumstances, to leave the house because my couch was about to be delivered. Try as I might, I couldn’t get anyone else to pick up their phones. I waited until a point in the river where I could make a U-Turn to get out (who knows about that one), ran all the way to the apartment, only to find that my sister was still there and that the couch had already been delivered. Those nice delivery people had even thrown in a free loveseat for making me wait so long for the darn thing.

Today is, in fact, actually couch day. I’ve been waiting for this day for quite some time, and it just keeps getting postponed. But not today. Today, I feel like a kid on Christmas (which is probably why I didn’t sleep very well this morning). My plum-colored couch is being delivered today, and I peeked outside first thing this morning: no blizzard. So, this morning, for the last time, I sit on the imaginary couch (it’s a couch of a different color for everyone who visits the apartment); it’s a nice patch of floor, and I would pretend to be nostalgic, but who am I kidding? I still have plenty of other nice patches of floor.

Ready, Set, Blog!

2006-01-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

I think I can safely say before I moved to Iowa, I knew not a one person who maintained a blog (or I have conveniently forgotten to mention said persons). I think, however, that Iowa might be on to something. It could start out innocently enough as a way to pass the time as you stare suspiciously out the window at the thermometer and know that the wind chill isn’t going to allow it to feel any warmer than 20 degrees colder than what you’re reading; perhaps it is a vain effort to delay your graduate studies (or class planning); or maybe you’ve just become an addict, sucked into the blogging quagmire. Whatever the reason, I’ve decided that I can no longer be a passive blogger.

Currently, I’m sitting in my apartment, on the floor. I’m contemplating this particular place on the floor, for in two days time, there will be a couch here. It is a plum-colored beauty, and despite some skepticism, I refuse any raining on my parade. My couch is beautiful, comfortable, and hopefully I will not be sitting her still contemplating it when it is delivered.

I just recently moved most of my possessions to an apartment in Ames, Iowa. Now the apartment is filled with boxes, but I have reassuringly told my roommate that the unpacking will be done by Thursday. I hope that’s actually true, otherwise we’ll have gone from having no furniture to using cardboard boxes as end tables (I’ve always thought plum and cardboard went well together).

This apartment is a recent development in my life. Before it, I was just lost. A transient, living on borrowed waterbeds and generous couches. I’m so relieved to have a place of my own. December was a wonderful month. Somehow, around the same time, I also acquired a Rob. These are rare and difficult to come by; I think I’ll keep him around for a while.

Well, I think that’s all the procrastinating I can fit in in one session…